Of Unfinished To-Do Lists and First Outing With Four (Did Someone Say FOUR Kids?)

Here's a perfect analogy for you. I've been driving a library book around in my car for about three and a half weeks. The babies are almost a month old. Did I mention this library book is about a month overdue? Coincidence? I think not. Yes, it's going to be the world's most expensive children's book.

Sigh.

That pricey little library book, the one that was left behind (under Leo's bed) is perfect proof of my slide toward discombobulation. When I was pregnant and exhausted and beyond irritable, yet still reasonably productive, I went on a house tear, gathering up impending due library books and cleaning out each room of its "extras." I did all the things I figured I wouldn't have time to do once the babies came. I gave away bags and bags of items to a local charity. It was back when I could make a "to do" list and expect to actually conquer a majority of it. There is very little chance I would allow a library book to go overdue (I'm one of those annoying people who likes to play by the "rules" and even more importantly, hates paying a fine of any sort).

Now? All bets are off. I'm lucky if I shower and have food in the house. Yesterday when Ellie came home from school I noticed she had a tinge of pink on her shoulders. Have I been putting sunscreen on her before she leaves in the morning on school days? Nope. I've been nursing. And nursing. Or trying to keep someone from crying, while the other one, well, cries.

Parenting fail.

Not complaining at all here, these are the Crazy, Hazy (not lazy) Newborn days (times two!). I've been here before (without the times two part) so I know how they go. But having two older kids too? Definitely raises the stakes. I'm feeling bad about the lack of sunscreen (and am going to make a point of applying it before kids leave, which I always did back in the easy breezy days of two kiddos).

And once again I say: It's a Good Thing They're Cute.

Also: In spite of how this photo looks, Harry is not a full head taller than Lucy. By the way, the title for the above photo is "Guess Who Likes to Wake Up Right When You Put Him Down To Sleep In The Crib Because He Prefers To Sleep Right On Your Boob."

In other news, I went to the store (Trader Joe's) with all four kids this week for the first time. No, no, silly, I had help. Sheesh! My step mom is visiting from Oregon and served as kid wrangler, food-in-the-cart arranger and general mayhem controller. We make quite a spectacle these days: There's Leo greeting each and every shopper from his perch in the cart ("Hi! Hi! My Mommy had babies! Two babies! Harry and Lucy!"), there's Ellie, coasting alongside with her little cart, and then the babies, in their absurdly long yet practical stroller. There's me, pale faced, frizzy haired and beady eyed from lack of sleep, speaking in a quiet monotone, in an attempt to not lose my cool.

The little trip went better than I expected, actually. Let's see, the store manager gave me congratulatory flowers (we are longtime, frequent customers and she somehow missed the whole pregnancy/news that we were having twins so imagine her shock and amazement to see Leo's two babies). I was also called "Superwoman" by a fellow shopper, somewhere between the chicken breasts and the bacon. Superwoman? Hardly. More like Crazy Woman. Because based on that little outing with all four? Won't be doing that again (alone) for a long time.

In Tiny Personality News, we're getting more info on our guy Harry. I've dubbed him Harry the Hot Mess because poor guy is (still) just a spit-up machine. He literally spits up on the clean outfit you are changing him into (from the doused old outfit). This morning he managed to turn his little head and coat his ear with spit up (while laying on the changing table). He's also a little sweetie who (still) adores a warm bod.

Lucy is opening her eyes and looking around more and more (they both are). She's not quite as mellow as we had pegged her for. But we're still planning on keeping her.

News From the Front

Oh, hello.

So it turns out this twin thing?

Kinda hard.

It feels like someone is ALWAYS crying. I go to soothe one, and the other one starts. The one I'm holding stops and I find myself thinking, why is there still crying? Oh, because there's ANOTHER BABY!

Sorry other baby.

I wonder what this does to them? I feel bad. I'm doing the best I can. Honest! Is this just de rigeur for twins? I only have so many arms.

In other news, Leo graduated first grade.

Here he is on the last day of school. He LOVED taking the bus home. For most of his young life he's been a daycare guy, taking the bus to aftercare while I'm at work. In fact, he's NEVER taken the bus home. His first words after departing from the bus: "Leo takes the bus home!" He has a few days off before starting summer school on Tuesday.

Ellie in turn, is loving her new part-time pre-school status. She also enjoys waiting for Leo's bus in the afternoons.


The big kids continue to be very affectionate with the babies. Which is nice. But the biggest hurdle is getting them to leave the babies alone when they are sleeping (the whole big kids with the babies is a whole post in itself and I promise it's forthcoming). Seriously, this bothering the sleeping babies is mind numbing. They always seem to want to pay the babies the most attention when they are out cold. Sigh.


It is so fitting that there is laundry in this picture. Laundry is my fifth baby, I swear.
OK, that's the best I can do right now. Leo is beating up the dog. Ellie is having a juice box crisis. Back soon.

In the meantime I give you

and

AKA Chins.

Getting to Know You and Can You Feel the Love?

Tiny personalities are emerging.

Of course it's a little early to make sweeping generalizations but so far?

Harry:
Is definitely the more challenging baby (sorry buddy). He loves eating (he easily nurses three times as much as Lucy does), is a snuggle bug (adores laying on a warm chest or a good good shoulder or being carried around in the crook of your arm). Has a serious, almost "old soul" look about him. So far my favorite description has likened him to a Borscht belt comedian, circa 1950 (thank you for that, Renee). He's also a fan of creating lots and lots of laundry for his Mommy, though the spit-up situation has gotten much better. But when he's hungry? He has no shame and it's as if he's never eaten. He will gladly try to nurse your shoulder or your neck. Or Lucy's head.

Lucy:
If Lucy had an anthem it would be Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds." She is the original Chill Baby. If Lucy was your first baby? You'd say, what's the fuss? This baby thing is No Big Deal and you'd have a dozen more. She eats, she looks around the room, she makes adorable little faces with her big E.T. eyes, she forms a little "O" with her delicate little mouth, and then you put her in her bouncy chair and she falls back asleep. For hours. In her sleep she slowly and gracefully kicks one of her dainty little legs in the air as if in her dreams, she's riding a miniature, newborn bike.

Leo and Ellie continue to be model older siblings. The biggest issue so far is that they seem to LOVE THE BABIES TOO MUCH.

I know. I really need to be quiet, right?

Ellie:
Accepted that I can't spend three hours putting her to bed every night. She's embraced the new routine. She bolts to get me a diaper when she sees me rounding the corner to the changing table--"Mommy, do you need me to get a diaper?"
She loves to cover the babies with blankets and help rock the bouncy chairs (which she learned to do via Grandma Jerry--you do it with two fingers). Last night, when Erin went to lie down with Leo and Ellie waited patiently in her room for her turn at books with Mama, Ellie heard crying coming from our bedroom where I was alone with the babies, trying to organize a tandem nursing session. She opened the door and quietly asked, "Mommy are you doing OK with the babies? Are you having fun?"

Leo:
Has embraced the crying. He no longer leaves the room when the screeching duo chorus begins. He just looks at the babies with concern and reminds me "Babies crying! Babies eat, Mommy!" (By the way, did you know that Babies "eat boobs?") (Leo said it, not me.) He's also a big fan of kissing and hugging and loving on the babies, sometimes a little too much (again, I know, I need to be quiet since so far neither big kid has voiced one single frustration about the babies). The worst thing you can say about Leo and the babies? He feels compelled to kiss their hands and face, precisely where I ask him not to kiss.

Such problems.

Two Weeks, One Day

Look! Something other than babies!

Ellie got a haircut. Nice and clean and short and sassy for the summer.

As we were leaving the mall where the hair salon is, Ellie insisted I take a picture of her in front of this "pink girl."
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I'm feeling pretty good. I get a little "down" around 5 p.m. many days, as the wall of exhaustion hits me (yes, yes, I'm horrible about the whole "sleep when the baby sleeps" thing. I need to nap more). I dread a little the coming long night and the waking every two hours. Last night the babies took an unprecedented one and a half hour nap between 9 and 10:30 p.m. I should have slept too but instead I did pointless stuff like put away laundry and play on the computer. I was so tired that I really accomplished nothing though, didn't even successfully order diapers (too overwhelmed).

The babies are two weeks and one day old today. Little Lucy's umbilical cord is hanging on by a thread (my babies are already growing up--sniff!). I can already feel time fleeting by. I want to keep them squishy little newborns, even though I am beyond tired.

I had my two week OB check-up today. It was very slam, bam, thank you ma'am. The nurses oohed and ahed over the babies and I lost fifty pounds (yikes!) but other than that, it was pretty uneventful. It's weird to think how much time I spent going to appointments while pregnant with these babies and that's all over now. The pregnancy flew by. So much happened in the last nine months. We found it was twins in November, the weekend after Halloween. So there was fall and the incredibly snowy winter and the months and months (and months) of morning/ALL DAY sickness. There was a long winter break home with the kids, so nauseous it was all I could do to entertain Leo and Ellie, but I was so determined to give them a "fun vacation" since this would be our last winter break without babies, as a family of four.

And all along these two little people were with us, with me.


And now they are here. And it's like we've always known them, even though we've only just met.

Reveling in the Butteryness: Sleep, Eat, Wash, Repeat

I know it's ironic that I keep posting all these "sleep pictures."

Goodness knows Erin and I are not getting much.

I just can't resist.

No matter how crabby and sleep deprived I feel in the morning (up every two hours thankyouverymuchHarryeatsalot), it's impossible not to feel incredibly blessed when I wake to the sight of this:

and this:


Leo has a brother. Ellie has a sister. A large part of me still can't believe it. When will it sink in?

Here are some odds and ends, in place of an actual, well-thought out post.

1. The sciatica is still killing me. I am hobbling around like an old woman and it stinks. I thought delivery would be the golden ticket and it would go away but apparently not. I go back to the chiropractor today and I am expecting a miracle. A miracle! Because this pain is making everything that much harder.

2. Lucy is a wonderful sleeper. Harry is---apparently starving ALL THE TIME, poor guy. He also seems to have some pretty bad spit-up/gastro issues. Ellie was the same way. It seems to take him a full hour after he eats to stop spitting up and to settle down which means that yes, by the time he's settled down and "comfortable,' it's, ta-da! Time to eat again. Oh but he's a cuddler, yes he is. This little man could absolutely live in the crook of your neck and be quite happy with life.

3. I want to be clear from my last post that I am totally and completely appreciating the newbornness, even if I go on (and on) about the lack of sleep on my part. Yes it's hard and exhausting but these are our last babies (sniff!) and I am reveling in the smell of newborn heads and necks and the buttery, impossibly soft limbs, the post-nursing milk comas and the hilarious little faces and sounds that emanate from these tiny people. Yes, the sleep deprivation is hell but it's short-lived and I know that someday they will have a bedtime and I can go back to my thrilling nightly rituals of independently watching television and eating ice cream and folding laundry and doing whatever the heck I want. For now, I'm a slave to the newborns and even if I grouse a bit, I love it. That's the beauty of third time parenting of newborns: I know it's not forever and it will never happen again.

Lastly, lest anyone think we've lost our sense of humor around here, yesterday I looked over and spotted this:

Don't worry. Lucy was safe and sound in Grandma Jerry's arms.

Like Riding A Bike, But Not Really

There were some tears last night. I was away from the babies for the first time (no, that's not why I was crying). I went to the chiropractor to address the sciatica that cropped up about three days before the babies were born and has regrettably not gone away.

About the tears: I think it's beginning to hit me, in little flashes, what has happened. How much things have changed. I won't lie. I'm slightly terrified and overwhelmed. Don't get me wrong, I'm also feeling incredibly blessed, but, it's a lot. Four kids. TWO babies. I worry. I worry about my relationship with Leo and Ellie. I find myself missing them. I'm spending a lot of time parked on a love seat in the living room nursing the babies and it's as if I'm watching my "old," "simple" ife play out in front of me. Erin is doing pretty much everything for the big kids right now while I, well, I'm essentially Bessie the Milk Cow.

It's the little things that set me off. For example, as much as I groaned so many times about the drawn out Ellie bedtime routine, I'm now nostalgic for it. The independence to finish a task without the faint cry of a little lemur (Lucy) or the quick, demanding shrieks of the decidedly more assertive Harry, feels far, far away. I forgot what it's like to have A newborn let alone two. It's like riding a bike, it's all coming back to me (or becoming familiar to me), but that doesn't make it any less shocking.

And as if on cue, Lucy just cried as I typed this. I'm not kidding.

I know that I over think things. The big kids seem totally fine. They're thriving, truly. Ellie dotes on both babies, loves to cover them with blankets in their little bouncy chairs. She actually asks if she can get me a diaper. Her new favorite phrase is "can you do me a favor?" since my little helper is hearing this quite a bit from me. I'm trying to be careful not to abuse her help--the last thing I want is resentment. But for as long as she offers to help? I will take it.

Leo seems to be growing accustomed to the crying, which there is definitely more of when there are two. He continues to hold his hands over his ears but he's not trying to leave the room anymore. He's mastered the art of eating grapes with his right hand while his left hand covers an ear.

What have we done? I sobbed, last night, driving home from the chiropractor. "Total Eclipse of the Heart" boomed on the radio and I turned it up, just for melodramatic measure. In that thought, there wasn't one stitch of regret that we now have two babies, that we went for #3 and got a bonus baby. Everything Happens For a Reason. We have four beautiful children. A big family, a new, different, exciting, hard, exhausting and full life.

My heart is full, my brain is exhausted, my spirits fluctuate, my patience is tried countless times over the day.

This is the hardest thing I've ever done, but also? The most amazing.

Home: Days Blend To Night

I want to write here so badly.

There is SO much to say.

So in spite of how it looks here?

Harry and Lucy aren't sleeping much (AT NIGHT ANYWAY). Sorry, not screaming. Not screaming at all.

So, yes, we're all a little fried. In love and in bliss and overcome with emotion several times a day (in a good way). But seriously sleep deprived. Feeling more than a little loopy.

It all still feels a little surreal, I think. People kept asking me if I was ready for the babies and I had no problem saying whole heartedly "NO!" I knew that as much as I could think about how it would feel for them to be here, for us to have four kids, I just wouldn't know how it would be until they came.


It's--a little crazy. Finishing any task (other than nursing) is next to impossible. Forgive the cliche, but we"re acclimating to the new normal.

And of course, we're taking funny pictures of the babies.

Super Harry!

These are days to remember.

More soon. Promise.

Harry Allen & Lucy Grace

Leo got his wish.

Babies came out!

Harry Allen, aka "Baby A," born June 1, 2011 at 8:24 p.m., 7 pounds, 11 ounces, 19 inches long.

Lucy Grace, aka "Baby B," born at 8:25 p.m. 6 pounds, 13 ounces, 18.5 inches long.


Leo met his baby brother.


Ellie got to hold "the girl one."

We are overwhelmed and in love.