And Another Thing

In my haste to commemorate this little corner's two year anniversary, I total missed the obvious.

Thank you.

Not to get all Academy Awards on you, but really, this place would not be the same without you. Without comments. Without knowing that somewhere, someone is actually reading what I write. Otherwise, I could just scrawl in a notebook like I did for fifteen years before I started coming here.

So yes, thank you for coming to listen to me rant and whine and kvell about Down syndrome and all its highs and lows.

Thank you for indulging me by listening to the tales of Leo and Ellie and all their adventures and misadventures as I lose my patience and mind/laugh/drink wine/sigh deep sighs/continue to be sleep deprived/wonder how life could have ever been so simple (before kids)/wouldn't have it any other way (now).

Thank you for your patience and empathy when I talk about my dead mother.

Thank you for returning for all the talk about shoe shopping and baking and OCD and ear infections and strep throat (BORING) and the continuing saga of Leo's haircuts and...for slogging through all of it. And for staying around.

I really can't thank you enough.

Two Years and a Check-In

I'm here. There has just been a lot going on (I know, I know, snore). I rarely go this long without at least a quick hello. But there was busyness at work and the flooded basement and the moldy carpet and the money sweats. There was yard work (finally!) and cross country travel.

And I am making plans. We are making plans. A lot of plans. And my mind is swirling and hoping. Overwhelmed by all there is to do but feeling boosted by the knowledge that when you really want something to happen and people are pulling and praying and rooting for you, you can succeed. I don't mean to be cryptic, but right now I have to be.

And in the midst of it all, this little blog, my often mundane, tiny savior and sometime (OK, frequent) lifeline, just turned a ripe old two years old. It's hard to believe. I've made some dear, dear friends and can't imagine life without them. I think/hope you know who you are. I've learned so much and have so much more to figure out.

It's crazy to think that when I started coming here, this is what those little people I write about so often looked like:


And now, look at Ellie.

So mature, she's hanging out in bars.
(Full story: Grandpa thought Ellie would enjoy shelling peanuts (Boy, did she! Good call Grandpa!) at the Lucky Lab Brew Pub during our recent--and I assure all you Portlanders out there who didn't get a hug--extremely brief visit).

More soon.

To Come: A Solid Month of My Rants (At Least That's the Goal)

A chill is in the air (here in the tristate area it feels like we went straight to winter!), Pumpkin muffins and lattes are on the menu and scarecrows and pumpkins are out and about in the 'burbs. And this morning marked the start of having to wrestle my children to the ground just to get the coats on. I forgot how fun fall and winter can be!

All of that to say...

Must be time for 31 for 21!

For the next 31 days I will do my very best to blog daily, in honor of Down syndrome, sometimes about Down syndrome, sometimes about the latest pair of shoes I'm coveting or the television show I once again didn't get to see (although thank goodness for the DVR which means I'll watch it, someday) or perhaps I'll just be naming the price at which I'm willing to sell my children.

I hope you'll join me!

A Year Ago Today

It’s been a whole year since I nervously clicked on “publish post” and sent my first blog entry out into the universe. It began profoundly enough (ha ha) with the wise and original words of:

‘Well I am finally doing it.’

I only wish I had done “it” sooner.

I wish I had started a blog that August afternoon in 2004, just a few weeks after Leo was born. I had just hung up the phone after speaking with a clueless person at a national Down syndrome organization who had been unable to connect me to any local families of children with Down syndrome. Did I mention this was in New York City? I lay on our bed sobbing, feeling utterly alone, convinced we were the only couple in New York who had a baby with Down syndrome.

Little did I know they were every where. And there were moms out there leading lives not that unlike mine. If I had known, it would have saved me a lot of heartache. It’s not that I didn’t know, I knew of course there were others, but those “others” felt abstract. When I stumbled upon the blogs of Cate and Jen and Tricia I felt like I had found myself. And then there is Amy. I discovered her later but Amy, truly, where do I begin?

These were people that were searching and wondering and thinking and hoping and laughing and cursing, just like me. They too were trying to wrap their heads around this whole Down syndrome thing. I drank their blogs up. In fact I read Cate’s from beginning to end in one day while I was on my pumping breaks at work. I laughed a lot and I also bawled.

Without getting too weepy or maudlin here, I will simply say that starting this blog has been one of the best things I have ever done, hands down. And finding you all is right there with it. I can’t tell you how much it means to spout off one of my rants and to find your incredible advice, your humor (always especially appreciated), your wisdom, your doses of reality and your perspective.

I’m not going to wallow in regret with how I wish I had started a blog sooner (but I do!), instead I will just emphasize how glad I am to be here. Now. With you all. I thank you for putting up with me and listening and sharing your lives with me. I thank you for telling me my children are cute and that everything I’m feeling on a given day is normal. I thank you for encouraging me to be patient and strong, and perhaps most of all, for never forgetting to remind me that wine is good.

I get an almost unspeakable feeling of glee when I see that someone has left a comment, so if you've never commented before, feel free to say hi now, and if you're a regular commenter I'd love to hear from you too.

We Live and Also, I am a Space Cadet

I think I have broken a record in not blogging. I have had dozens of posts started in my head but there's been Thanksgiving and a busy weekend and a sick Ellie. I have wanted to write about finding long lost relatives, taking the kids to the train show at the New York Botanical Garden (thumbs up) and getting the Christmas tree and Hanukkah Bush (the earliest we've ever done it, much levity is needed this year), and decorating the house and about the new bakeware I bought at Costco and all my optimistic plans to branch out and try some new recipes for holiday cookies this year.

I am on day #2 of staying home with a sick Ellie. She wasn't herself this weekend, but considering she is cutting all four molars and both eye teeth, we chalked it up to teething and also maybe a little cold. But I had that sinking feeling Monday morning when I dropped her off at daycare (and the nagging guilt) and sure enough, just as I sat down to enjoy my Mexican lunch at my desk, I got The Call. Come pick her up. I took her straight to the doctor where she was diagnosed with an ear infection. We were sent home with a prescription and I knew I would at least be home Tuesday. Here's where I give a shout out to my neighborhood pharmacy and I give thanks once again that as much as I sometimes miss the Thai takeout, I'm grateful we no longer live in Brooklyn. I'm pretty sure the pharmacy there would not bring my baby's prescription to my car, go back in to run my credit card and then come back out for me to sign the receipt (Ellie was asleep in the car). Long live the suburbs.

This morning, the plan was to take Ellie to daycare and see how she eased into her return while I took Leo to his follow-up ENT appointment (following his ear cleaning/tube exam sedation two weeks ago). I told the daycare I'd check in with them after Leo's appointment and before I headed into the city for work. Again, with the sinking feeling, as Ellie did NOT look happy to be at daycare when I left her. I sort of knew I'd be back to get her shortly.

Leo was ecstatic to leave daycare, and as an added bonus, alone, with me! No Ellie! Poor guy had no idea we were headed somewhere not so fun, probably his most hated doctor of all, the dreaded ear doctor. But for a moment he had a skip in his step and kept saying "yay" just because. He said hi to everyone on the walk from the car to the doctor's office.

Too bad his appointment isn't actually until tomorrow.

And seriously, I even double checked it. I honestly don't know what my problem was/is. In my defense, sleep has been sucking at our house lately. Two nights in a row Leo has woken up in the middle of the night and ended up in our bed. Sleeping with Leo is like sleeping with an epileptic octopus. There is no other way to describe it. I think he absolutely must have Restless Leg Syndrome. And did I mention he insists on sleeping On me? Like practically on top of me. And last night getting Ellie down was the worst since her newborn days, when she would fall asleep and then wake up with a start, the second we set her down in the Pack N Play. Erin (aka the Baby Whisperer) was finally able to get Ellie down after an hour of me rocking and nuzzling her).

After the morning's dress rehersal for the ENT appointment, I took Leo to school (he was NOT happy about the end of just Mommy and Me, collapsing into a puddle in the parking lot). And then I was back to the daycare to retrieve the still sick Ellie.

So. It's almost 2pm and I have just now finally succeeded in getting Ellie down for a nap (she normally naps around 10am). I feel bad missing work and am optimistic about tomorrow. I don't know what to do. This is when I wish we had a retired grandmother close by. Or any relative, for that matter. But that is a post for another day.

In the meantime, I am vascillating between taking advantage of this quiet moment to lay on the couch and watch "Shakespeare in Love" or cooking an actual dinner for later (as opposed to the usual thaw and stir fry Trader Joe's entree that is our nightly fare). I did all the laundry yesterday so there's nothing else to do (well, truthfully I could do a lot but choose not to. This morning I noticed the lower kitchen cabinets are caked with some sort of yogurt/oatmeal substance and there is always the kitchen floor to mop but I fear that I have hit a bit of a housekeeping wall). Leo is still at school so I should really, really just savor the temporary quiet.

In good news, Ellie has learned a new word being home and sick: juice. Also, she has become quite an expert at "No." I know I will tire of it soon but for now, her little cute baby girl voice saying "no" is pretty freaking adorable. Also, she is mastering body parts--her absolute favorite is nose. I can only conjecture that since mine is on the large side she finds it to be the most fascinating facial body part.

Please say it isn't so. She's been asleep not even 30 minutes and I hear crying. Oy.