Pajama Day at Daycare
The same day I wrote my last post, about the joy of seeing Leo fitting in so well with his peers at daycare, I received this email from the daycare’s head teacher.
I admit, when I saw the subject line, simply “Leo,” I panicked. Will I ever stop waiting for the other shoe to drop? Will I ever stop expecting Leo to be excluded or singled out for not doing what he should be?
Dear Maya,
I was so proud of Leo today and wanted to share this with you.
I took the older group outdoors to play various team games today.
Leo followed all the rules and waited for his turn and loved the sports day.
He has come such a long way this year that watching him was sheer delight.
He disappeared upstairs when I was giving all the other children treasure before I left today but I will make sure that he receives his treasure tomorrow.
This brought tears to my eyes so I am sure you will be a very proud mom tonight/tomorrow.
Regards, Ms. N.
By the way, he “treasure” she referred to is a box of trinkets, similar to toys at a dentist’s office, that the children are allowed to choose from for good behavior.
Of course, Ms. N’s email brought tears to my eyes too. It’s such a wonderful thing when someone else sees what your child is capable of, when they recognize him for who can be, when they do more than just “put up with him” for the sake of not discriminating.
I know that I sometimes sell Leo a little short. I mean, I think and know he’s brilliant. He sees the world in a way that no one else does and it’s clear that he’s incredibly intelligent, he just learns a little differently and yes, a bit slower, perhaps. And he has Down syndrome. But what he can do? All that far outweighs what he can’t. And I’m confident this will continue.
Ms. N’s letter came the same day this speech was brought to my attention. Here's my favorite quote from it:
"Life doesn't let us in on many secrets. One of them is, happiness comes to those who do the best with what they have. The more we struggle in our limited, human way, to make sense of things, the more we see that some things don't come with sense included. The best we can do is the best we can do."
The gist of the speech is this: "Give your child the chance every other child gets...Don't accept. Expect."
Sounds simple, doesn't it?
Sure, it's simple, but also hard, when you've been told since the day your child was born what he won't do, that he's different, that he's slow. Lowered expectations + waiting for the other shoe to drop = hard habit to break.
By the way, when I say "Don't accept. Expect," what I think is, be the best you can be. Don't try to be like everyone else. Because really, who wants to be like everyone else?
I think every parent and teacher should read that speech. Scratch that. Every human being should read it: “Don’t accept. Expect.”
