Bye Bye Hanukkah, Hello Weekend and Princess Enabling

Poor Ellie. This was so not the Hanukkah picture I was going for. Tonight is the last night though, so the pressure is on to, um, document it a little better than this. We'll see how it goes.

Back to poor Ellie. And Leo. What a week it's been. The weekend couldn’t come soon enough, for any of us. Last night, thanks to traffic from an accident on the way home, good old daycare pickup was at 8 p.m. They had to make my children grilled cheese sandwiches. Sorry, but I don't usually plan on having them there until after bedtime. Ugh. And yup, cue the mom guilt. I know it’s no one’s fault and this kind of thing is rare (has only happened one other time since September) and they will have no memory of this (I hope) but still, it is a long, long day for two little people and I can't help but think it takes its toll. And so I feel guilty. And I know, I know, guilt might just be the most useless emotion out there, but it’s also so easy to go there! And so hard to resist it.

I let Ellie sleep as late as I could this morning (not an option with Leo-our little rooster is up by 5 a.m. most mornings, sigh) and was prepared for more tears at drop-off since I knew she was tired and is still fighting that cough, but she actually smiled and squealed when we pulled up to daycare this morning, saying "there's my school!" It's heartwarming and humbling how resilient children are.

We have a mellow weekend planned, well as mellow as a weekend could be when it involves baking about six dozen cookies, and making about five pounds of Leo and Ellie’s Famous Holiday Mix (it’s not as hard as it sounds, it’s basically Chex Mix with red and green M&M’s) and compiling all of that into the requisite cute and appropriately decorated containers as gifts for the village of teachers and therapists. I know gift cards are what they really want and what everyone is saying we're "supposed" to get them but we just can't swing it this year.

Basically, it’s the calm before the (good) storm and the next holiday and the next round of relatives (Hi Grandpa! Hi Grandma! (they arrive from Oregon for five days on Dec. 26).

And speaking of storm, did someone say snow? Up to ten inches are possible in New York City and probably even more in our parts. Leo’s played in the snow before but last winter Ellie was still too little to really enjoy it. A few weeks ago we got a dusting and she was giddy, so I can only imagine what a real snowfall will make her do. I have to say, as long as I can get to the store tonight to finish up all my baking supply shopping, I wouldn’t mind being snowbound for a day or two.

Or the whole storm could just totally blow over and be nothing. You know the way things can go with these “Winter Storm Warnings.”

In other news, this little item just fell into my lap for Ellie (and to be fair, Leo will love it and I'm sure fight Ellie for it).

Just, I know, don’t ask.

As much as it pains me and goes against almost everything I stand for, I’m going to go ahead and give it to Ellie for Christmas/Hanukkah/whatever. All the princess crap just grosses me out but I fear that the more I fight it the more she’ll want it. It will be like my cousins who were denied sugar at home and so went on sugar binges at friends’ houses. I don’t want poor Ellie to feel the need to princess binge.

Halloween (Part 1, Ellie's)

Friday was a great day. I took the day off from work to be able to join in on the kids' Halloween festivities at their respective schools. It was just the kind of day I imagined having before I had kids, rushing from fun place (party! parade!) to fun place (another parade! another party!). Cause you know, that's every day when you're a stay-at-home mom (insert laughter here).

The finished product after getting dressed in the car. It didn't occur to me to bring Ellie in her costume until I pulled into the parking lot and realized all the other kids were already dressed.

The day started with a parade for all the kids at Ellie's school (the kids there are ages 2-5). The kids emerged from the school to find the parental paparazzi snapping picture after picture of their adorable offspring. The kids looked a little uncomfortable with all the attention.

Then it was off to parade around the school grounds. They walked next door to a bank (the sponsor of the "event" where they received goody bags and were able to meet employees of the bank and "discuss" their costumes.

This one is by far, my favorite. It looks like she's going off to war or something.

Over the Hump?

I hope I’m not speaking to soon or jinxing anything (as a parent, I err on the side of paranoia when it comes to boasting about kid progress). That boasting seems to inevitably be the quickest way to ruin a good thing—I’m the last one to brag when a baby sleeps through the night or a certain little girl makes it through the day in just one pair of Elmo panties--but I’d venture to say that maybe, just maybe, we are over the Misery in the Morning hump.

Slowly but surely, everyone appears to be acclimating to the new routine. Truly, I’m shocked at how quickly it’s happening. As my wise friend Lisa said to me the other day: “It's amazing what we expect these kids to adjust to - I can't handle change…I don't know how I expect my kids to just suck it up!”

Another day of a happy Leo boarding his bus (today, beloved Dog was along for the ride. Let’s hope he comes home but in case he doesn’t I do have a spare and no one will be the wiser). This morning was a little hairy since Ellie was on the potty chair in the living room when the bus pulled up out front. Ellie's been, shall we say, a tad obsessed with the potty lately (I blame the chocolate raisins and fear we've created quite the chocolate raisinaholic).

So there I was, dashing down the steps with Leo, praying that Ellie didn’t toddle out of the house with her pants around her legs. Thank goodness she’s in a listening phase (I know, I know, there I go again with the boasting).

Later, as Ellie and I pulled into the lot at daycare I did hear a brief, heartbreaking little voice say: “I want to go this way! I want to go bye-bye,” (meaning, not to daycare). But the tears never came, and she settled in quickly and quietly to Trader Joe’s Strawberry Yogurt O’s. And then, it happened.

“Bye Mommy.”

Just like the old days, at her old daycare. Ellie would quietly tell me goodbye, before I even told her I was leaving. She knew what was coming.

So I took my cue, and left.

Stating the obvious here, but it’s a lot easier to have a good day when it doesn’t start with leaving your children as hot, crying messes.

Another milestone:

Photographic evidence of the infamous pigtails. I was shocked to find they were still in place when I picked her up last night.

Another milestone:

Leo had his first kindergarten homework assignment last night!

And yet another milestone (can you take it?): When I picked the kids up from daycare yesterday, Ellie and I had a real conversation about her day.

Me: “How was your day Ellie?”
Ellie: “I good.”
Me: “What did you do?”
Ellie: “I play!”

Inevitably when I ask either kid what they played or who they played with or what they did, Ellie says “Leo!” and Leo says “Ellie!”

Last night I joked to Erin we seem to have those weird freaky siblings who won’t play with anyone else…are they going to start their own secret language soon? I kid of course. I’m just so glad they have each other and that they (mostly) seem to make each other so happy.


When Leo’s not trying to put Ellie in a headlock, of course.

Meet the Kindergartener

Here is he is on the first day of school (yesterday), in all his waiting-for-the-bus-glory.

He was all smiles, until the bus came. He just doesn't like to get on the bus when he leaves from Mommy or Mama. Add Ellie to the mix and forget it.

But he was happy as can be when I picked him up from daycare last night (as was Ellie). Leo's teacher wrote in his communication book that he had a "great first day." He reportedly enjoyed taking a "tour of the school and meeting all the other teachers and therapists." Of course I'm not surprised to hear this as no one ever accused Leo of not being friendly.

Ellie is still having a hard time saying goodbye in the morning at the new daycare. Lots and lots of tears and "uppy Mommy," even when she's already in my arms, her little legs wrapped tightly around my waist. And for the first time ever, she doesn't have 'her Leo' in the mornings to keep her company at daycare. It didn't even occur to me that this might make a difference for her. But of course it makes perfect sense. They seem to grow more attached to each other by the day.


This is a big, long, hard, exciting week.

We'll get through it.

‘She Has Her Leo’

I hate today. I hate leaving a screaming, teary-faced, sad little Ellie at a new daycare. I handed her off to her new “teacher” Ms. K and Ellie was squirming so violently that her little red skirt started riding up, exposing her little pink Elmo panties.

Did someone say panties? Yes it’s true. Little Miss potty trained herself this long weekend, so there is some happy news to report. Sidenote: I’m worried this big change will put a wrench in the potty training regime. If it had been up to me, I would not have recommended Ellie potty train herself in the midst of such big change but there’s nothing stopping a little two-year old girl who has her own plans.

About the new daycare tears: I know it’s not the end of the world. She’ll be fine. And when I called to check on them both two hours after I left them, she was in fact fine. Leo was more then fine. Thank goodness for him and his (mostly) easygoing ways (although check back tomorrow to hear how he does getting on the bus from the house, leaving Ellie, Mommy and Mama—I expect he will not be happy about that). Today he was thrilled to meet Ellie’s class hermit crab and to try his hand at all fifteen puzzles.

Oh and also, when I called to check on the kids late this morning, Ellie’s teacher told me they let Leo stay in Ellie’s room (she’s with the two and three-year olds), rather than making him go with the “big kids.” This seems fine, I’m not going to make a big deal about it for one day. Erin’s response to this report was spot on: “Well that's good," Erin said. "She has her Leo.”

It’s so true. Leaving them together, does make it a touch easier. But again, tomorrow, when Leo starts his new school and he’s not there to keep her company in the morning (he’s only going to the daycare for aftercare) will likely be a whole other story.

Stay tuned.

I Know Where I'm Not Wanted and Also: Admitted Portrait Sucker

Ellie has a new caregiver at daycare-her beloved Ms. M. went back to work at the bank. I’ve been trying to get to know the new woman in Ellie’s room, nothing big, I've just been a little extra chatty with her in the morning. We were deep into a nice little conversation about what a good eater Ellie is (her words, not mine—I would agree she is game to try lots of things but at home she has a very short attention span with the kitchen table, she is the queen of up, down up, down and rarely finishes a meal).

But you know how kids are. There’s your kid and there’s the school version. Ellie’s school version sits calmly and quietly in her high chair while at home she kneels at the kitchen table and picks at her food, turns around and says "Hi Walter!" (our new goldfish) about a dozen times and drops her bottle about seventeen times.

So there was talk of her “good eating,” and how well she does with her utensils (the best in the class, according to Ms. M.)

And then, a little voice:

“Bye Mommy.”

And then a sheepish little grin.

I think someone was trying to tell me something. Yea yea Mommy, don’t you have to go to work or something? Don’t you know this is my time?

Can you beat that?

In other news, the daycare had school pictures this week. Leo’s preschool was on spring break so he's been at daycare full-time and was able to be photographed with Ellie for the “sibling portraits.” I’m curious to see how these turn out since Leo’s pictures from preschool were taken at the height of Leo’s "Bubba" (aka the accidentally very shaved head) look.

I know, I know, these school “portraits” rarely turn out well but I am a sucker for them—if they’re bad they are campy and if they’re good, well so be it. Also, my mom never wanted to get them and I think I am making up for it now-my kids will have every school year formally documented, dammit!

Anyway, Leo is now sporting a bit of a hipster ‘do (with product, of course) and I am loving it. I'm his mommy, so I can say this unapologetically: Leo has always had gorgeous hair. (Seriously when he was a baby and it was more strawberry blonde I had women stop me on the street and jokingly ask what number dye he uses so they can replicate it at the beauty parlor)

So, all reports are that Leo and Ellie were the best behaved pair during the photo sessions, the best listeners (especially Leo!) and that Leo was hugging and kissing on Ellie the whole time, melting hearts across the tri-state area. I so love it when the words “Leo” and “best behaved” appear in the same sentence.

Lastly, and completely unrelated to any of this, Leo starts Taekwondo next week. I can't wait.

Wherein the Victim Becomes the Assailant

A few months back I moaned about the "outline of a mouth and teethmarks on my sweet baby girl’s milky soft shoulder" after Ellie was bitten by another evil child at daycare.

Oh sure, she looks innocent enough, but I give you, suspect #1.

Pay no attention to the strawberry on her face. The assailant also likes fruit.

Yes, I’m here to report that the bitee has become the biter. I know in the Grand Scheme it's not a huge deal, and it's probably just a phase, but I am embarassed. I was home sick yesterday, wallowing in my first cold of the season (I held out as long as I could and I like to brag about my hearty Russian disposition but by gosh I finally succumbed to the plague around here that is The Cold) when I got the call from the daycare director. She was very diplomatic, just wanted to know if Ellie had been biting at home and if so if I had noticed anything in particular provoking it and also, how we handle it.

Well, she did bite Leo this weekend and I had seen her “go in for the kill” a few more times but had managed to catch her in the act. And poor sweet Leo, when Ellie bites him, he bursts into tears and points to the spot and cries “Ey-yie!” in his most accusing and horrified tone. When it happened this weekend I said “No biting,” to Ellie firmly and attempted to put her in a time-out, in which she promptly told me “No.” Oh I fear the teenage years with this one.

Totally unrelated to anything, I recounted the whole Ellie Biting Thing with a work colleague and when I said how I had no experience with this (Leo never bit anyone) he said "that seems like a little girl thing." For some reason this made me feel better and I'm not sure why, but it made sense. Then again, there was a little girl at Leo's daycare in Brooklyn who was expelled (no, really) for biting. I can't even think about that.

After the weekend biting incident I told Ellie to tell Leo “Sorry,” and Leo immediately told Ellie (in sign language) that he was “sorry.” Poor Leo. He’s the kid who gets a shot from the doctor and then immediately throws his arms around the shot wielding doctor.

Of course I consulted Dr. Google after my phone call with Daycare Director. Apparently biting in her age group (20 months) is very normal. I didn’t need a PhD in early childhood education to know that it stems from frustration and an inability to communicate one’s feelings. Boredom and an interest in attention are also apparently culprits. I’m sure she gets bored at some point in her day (as we all do) and I know that she is definitely an attention seeking missile, both at home and at school (see earlier entry, “Uppy Uppy Uppy.”)

Working Mother Guilt kicked in big time for this latest "phase." If she was home with me she wouldn’t have other kids to bite and also, she is probably learning to bite from the other rotten kids (no way my Angel would think that up on her own!). And also, she is not getting enough attention at school whereas at home she would always get enough attention (totally not true and I know it as there are moments when I have to Put. Her. Down.)

I think about how angry I felt towards that little girl who bit Ellie (who by the way no longer bites, she’s three months older than Ellie and apparently has grown out of it). I mean I wasn’t really angry but I think you know what I mean. No one likes the idea of the child hurt. But now I see how it's not much fun to be on the other side either. I think whenever your child does something less than spectacular, at some level you feel it’s a reflection of you as a parent. Nobody wants their kids to steal the family car, shoplift, drink underage, bite other kids at daycare. I mean, it’s a slippery slope, right? I kid, but it does make me think that is is just the first of the many (well, hopefully not many!) things that one of my children will do that is less than stellar. They are independent little creatures with minds of their own. We do the best we can and yet...who knows?

I just called for a bite check. As of a little after lunch time there had been no biting incidents and Ellie was reportedly in a “great mood” all morning. So maybe yesterday was just a bad day. Let’s hope.

Plugging Along

The vacations are over. Fall is in the air. Well to be honest, it’s humid as all get out in New York City today and I am Over it. But I’ve checked out the ten day forecast and there is a cooling, dare I say fall trend in the air. Also, the mosquitoes ate the crap out of me over the weekend, which tells me that they are freaking out and trying to begin foraging for the fall, for the impending chill. So there is hope.

I love fall. I really do. In some ways it feels like New Year to me. New beginnings, opportunities, possibilities, chances to start over, make good changes. And the weather is so much nicer than it is in January.

A few goings on to note:

-Leo starts back to school (no more full-time daycare) tomorrow. The little yellow bus will start coming for him again. And we will take our annual First Day of School Stand By the Tree Out Front Photo.

-Ellie started in the Big Kid (aka toddler room) yesterday. I know I am silly but I was sort of emotional about it. I went to put her food away and forgot that she no longer has a little shelf in the cabinet. Her name tag was gone. Of course I know that she's ready for this. She’s not a baby anymore (newsflash!). Leo was a baby for so much longer it seemed (I guess because he didn’t walk until he was two). This whole Ellie-baby thing went by so so fast for me. She reportedly had a great first day as a Big(ger) Kid. She took a nap on a cot. She played on the playground where she drove a small car and enjoyed pushing the push toys around. That’s my girl. She was also out of her mind with exhaustion by the time I picked her up at 6:30. That’s what going down to one nap does to a little one who is used to two (they are going to let her take two today).

-Operation Potty Train Leo is starting up in force tomorrow. Wish us all luck.

I leave you with two photos from the weekend. Our babysitter/dog sitter/friend MaryAnn brought over new puppy, Angie. Leo was in love (pay no mind to the blue lip liner lips—he’d just had a rather messy Popsicle experience.)


And, the biker chick.

I hope everyone else’s Fall/Back to School transitions are going smoothly and happily.

Frustrated

I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. I love my job. But it is getting harder and harder to leave Ellie. She is just so much fun (OK not all the time, but you know what I mean). And she is changing so quickly. This morning on the phone she said “hi” to Erin. I had to ask her to do it, but still. She is still doing a lot of whining and grunting for her needs and wants but she is also beginning to be able to communicate as well. Yesterday morning I swear she walked into the kitchen, stood by the refrigerator and plain as day, said “Eat” (or as she says, “Eee.”) One of the ladies at daycare said she asked Ellie “are you pretty?” and Ellie nodded yes. I think she gets that you are asking a question from the inflection in your voice.

When I'm at work, I often feel guilty, that I should be home with her and witnessing her every milestone. Helping to be a positive influence on her personality and temperament. Instilling her with all my vast knowledge (ha) rather than paying someone else half my paycheck to do so.

And yesterday when I was at daycare I saw Ellie push another baby. They were standing at the baby gate waiting for food and she just reached out and pushed this little girl. Now I’ve seen this girl push other kids (including Ellie) a lot. She’s pretty aggressive, so she probably had it coming to her. But it made me think about studies I’ve read about kids in daycare being more likely to hit, to pick up on bad behaviors. Ugh. Leo started in daycare when he was 17 months old and from what I can tell, it never had anything but a positive affect on him. But maybe Ellie will be different. She’s such a sweetheart now. I don’t want her hitting. Another ugh.

I know staying home is not all sunshine and smiles and long naps and days filled with enrichment and education. Staying home is the hardest job there is, in my opinion. Frankly I don’t think I have the mental health for it. I do so much better out in the world. I know you can’t have it all, that staying home has its advantages as does working (I won’t even go into the fact that staying home is not a financially viable option for our family anyway).

And of course I have guilt about Leo. I don’t worry about him at all when he’s at his preschool, the “special” school where it’s 95 percent kids with Down syndrome (and 5 percent something with some other cognitive issue). The daycare is great but I know they let Leo get away with things (even though I have told them repeatedly not to and to treat him like all the others). I know it’s important that he gets free play time there (which every four-year-old needs) but I worry that he just gets lost there, left to do his own thing (which very often may be playing with something inappropriately or just doing something he shouldn’t be doing). Yesterday the school had a Tae Kwon Do instructor come in to teach a class to the preschool kids. I had to sign a permission slip and pay $12 and I knew going into it that Leo was probably not going to participate like the other kids. And sure enough, when I spoke to his teacher this morning, she confirmed my suspicions:

“He did a couple of kicks but mostly he just ran around. He had a lot of fun though.”

Fabulous! Maybe I need to lighten up a bit but I guess I just wasn’t thrilled that Leo was allowed to run around while the rest of his peers participated in an organized activity. Who knows what really happened. I wasn’t there and maybe it wasn’t as bad as it sounded. I know I can’t be there every second and even if I was, who is to say I would do a better job? What do I know? When we’re home it’s not exactly all education all the time. I feel like I spend half my time yelling at Leo to stop pushing his sister down.

But I’m still frustrated. But I guess, who isn't?

Edited to add that I'm about to spend nine straight days with my kids, including two cross country flights as we embark on our annual trip to Oregon to see the family. I'm sure I'll be posting here in about nine days about how great it is to be back at work! Life is funny.

Bye-bye

This morning as I was leaving daycare Ellie was standing at the baby gate and I was at the end of the hall. I said "bye-bye," turned to leave and heard a little voice say "bye-bye." I turned, and she was not only saying, it but waving!
I am so proud!