31 for 21: Day 11, FAIL, Try Again

Apple picking and pumpkin patching with the crew yesterday. It was a spectacular, perfect fall day and every year this particular outing gets a little easier and a little more, dare I say, fun?

OY. I am not doing well at this 31 for 21 this year. I had such high hopes for myself.

Let's go for some bullets, shall we?


-Leo is still difficult to understand speech-wise. I won't lie when I say I would have thought by now, at age 11, things would be clearer. I'm guessing this where we are for him and that breaks my heart a little because he has SO much to say. I suppose I should be grateful for that at least, right? But he's likely always going to be tricky (for strangers and people who don't know him well--most of the time his family/friends/teachers do OK but even we are still perplexed and yes, frustrated). However. I love that his speech is getting more advanced and interesting and mature. This morning for example, he busts out with "Speaking of apple bread..." (We were discussing what we could make with all the apples we picked.) I mean, "speaking of...?" Just love it.

-This week was a doozy for Ellie. It feels like the bloom is falling off the rose on the new school year: Apparently third grade is a "big deal" (this is news to me as this is my first time going through third grade for a 100 percent gen ed kid). Multiplication, long division, more and more standardized testing. The list goes on and on. There has been a lot of talk of feeling "pressurized" (Ellie's words) and worry about the speed at which math is going. I checked in with her teacher and she's doing fine, so this is likely self-imposed stress (she's hard on herself and a bit of a perfectionist. Hmm. No CLUE where she gets that, cough cough). Every night after Ellie finishes her homework (math worksheets and language arts and spelling) she does her computer homework for 30 minutes. One evening this week I waxed nostalgic about how after homework Ellie used to draw. "I don't have time for that anymore," she announced, matter-of-factly. Geez, kid. Just stab me in the heart, why don't you?

-I met a woman yesterday at Leo's soccer yesterday who has a 20-year old daughter with Down syndrome (she's in the same special needs soccer program as Leo). It's bizarre to think about the fact that I actually don't know anyone with an adult child with Down syndrome. How did that happen?

As we chatted, we realized our children shared a few teachers, so that was a fun little trip down memory lane. There are a few younger children with Down syndrome in the soccer program too and as we watched their antics we shared a few funny stories of our trials with Impossible Young Children with Down ("When she was little, I never sat down!" this mom recalled). Yup, sounds familiar. I tried to take off my journalist hat and just act like a normal, friendly mom (in these situations where I am starved for information I tend to ask a lot of questions) but I was dying to know: What's high school like for her? Does she have friends? (Answer: Yes, tons. Or at least, everyone seems to know her. Huh. That sounds familiar. How much independence does she have? Does she go home after school by herself? The answer to the last one was no, she still has someone with her at home unless it's just for a few minutes. That one was a little tough for me to swallow.

Her daughter is in her last year of high school and her mom is now looking at programs for next year. In her words: "You're pretty much on your own." The future. I can't can't even go there. But I know the drill. I opened up Facebook this morning and there was one of those sob inducing "Memory" pictures from five years ago: Six year old Leo and three year old Ellie at the SAME apple farm we went to yesterday. Um. EXCUSE me? Five years?

Apple picking, October 2010.

And where were the twins? Oh yeah, not BORN yet (I was actually pregnant the day this picture was taken but didn't know it). And the future that mom spoke about yesterday? It will be here before we know it. But for now I'll go back to my cozy spot with my head resting firmly in the sand.

On Balance (HAHAHAHA), a New School Year and Free Reign Chaos

I'm coming out of another work fog that makes me remember that I am a human and that there is life outside of work. It also makes me question how I am handling this Working From Home gig. It's hard, yo!


Then there was the day a few weeks ago that the house internet was down in the midst of a huge work deadline (of course it was!). In the afternoon we all trudged down to the neighborhood "free" wifi spot (Evil Fast Food Restaurant) where I was successfully able to download my much needed document. All was well that ended well there, but not without quote a bit of panic and stress on my part. I think it's clear from the "toasting" of sundaes (seen here) who the winners were that day.

It's all hard:

-Working at the office/commuting/not seeing the kids for ten hours/getting home and scrambling for all the different people begging for attention/feeling guilty because I don't spend enough time with them and the time I do spend isn't "quality" time and I often feel impatient and burned out
-Working from home/carving work in between all the other home responsibilities/seeing the kids for ten hours at a time/getting home and scrambling for all the different people begging for attention/feeling guilty because the time I spend with them isn't "quality" time and I often feel impatient and burned out

But the good thing about being ridiculously stressed and overwhelmed is that when you no longer feel stressed and overwhelmed, you feel Reborn!

After two days on and several days off (Hi, Jewish Holidays), we are officially Back in the Business of School (except for one day last week--Hi Another Jewish holiday). In fact this week, the last one of September, is actually the first full week of school!


Oh, Hiiiiiiiiiiii sixth grade. How's it going? (First day)

Leo is settling into middle school. After a few bumps (on the second week of school it rained. Leo has developed a severe phobia of rain and storms (?) and that day, I was on and off the phone all day with the school nurse, because Leo had come to her with a stomach ache. Several times). We have been talking and talking (and talking) about the importance of rain--to the planet, to the people, you name it. The other bump was that did you know that in middle school they serve pizza Every Day? Leo was confused on a Tuesday when he did not get pizza (because in fifth grade, pizza day was Friday). Sheesh, life is always throwing curve balls, isn't it? Next week he starts some extracurricular activities which I'm excited about (and so is he!): Art Club and Science Club. On the horizon is try-outs for the basketball team (gulp!).


Behold, third grade and Last Year of Preschool x 2

No big news on third grade (fine by me!). Ellie likes her teacher and is happy that one of her good friends is in her class (again). She's started soccer and is enjoying it and Girl Scouts (Brownies) starts again in a few weeks.

Lucy is excited to be in the "Big Kid" class in preschool. She has the teacher Ellie had her last year of Pre-K, which is fun and familiar. After a few relatively smooth months (it's all relative, not sure if smooth is the best word) Lucy seems to be entering another tricky phase. It seemed to kick off with the transition to big kid beds. Maybe it's too much change at once. I could just really do without the tantrums about television and the running away from me in the parking lot. And the driveway. This too shall pass, I know. The thing is, she can be SO SWEET. And mature! And sensitive. When Erin had some oral surgery recently, she came over to her and crawled into her lap and said, "Mama? Does your mouth hurt? I'll be extra sweet to you."

On the first chilly morning of fall I dug out my old beloved khaki trench coat which she complimented me on, calling it my "fancy" coat. When Harry is running around the bedroom without pants on at bedtime and she's quietly brushing her teeth with her legs folded crisscross applesauce, she asks me, "Mommy? Am I being a very good girl?" Jekyll. And. Hyde.


And just like that, we said goodbye to cribs (I know, four is old to be in a crib but if you have twins, you get it). Do not, I repeat DO NOT be fooled by their apparent calm. Cribs for everyone!


I was admiring Harry's Transformer "dollhouse" and "family." "It's NOT a dollhouse family," he replied, incredulous. "It's an ARMY!"

After a month with Lucy at her school, Harry was a little unhappy about having to go back to his other school (where he continues to get the speech therapy that he's happily growing out of the need for but I'm not arguing with free preschool!). His disappointment passed quickly--he now seems to really enjoy where he is--all last year he would ask in the morning, "Is it a school day?" And when he found out it was, his face would fall a little. But now, he has a little spring in his step in the morning and bounds off the bus in the late morning, talking about a handful of little boys he played Transformers with or a book they got to read in library.

And then there's me. Four years in and I'm STILL not accustomed to the chaos of having twins. One four year old is one thing. Two? Right now what I'm struggling most with is listening. As in, they don't listen to me. Or at least, not as much as I need them to.

I am a person who likes order. Routine. And did I mention quiet? OK, I have mostly accepted the fact that our house is the opposite of quiet, but that doesn't mean I don't find it all too much to take sometimes. It seems like for the most part, ever since we converted the cribs to toddler beds, bedtime, or more like, around 4pm every day, evolves into something out of an episode of "Super Nanny, "but BEFORE Super Nanny swoops in and makes everything OK. It just feels completely out of control. Jumping off beds. Ignoring simple, completely reasonable requests like, "Can you please go to the bathroom and put your pajamas on?"

We're trying a few things that are hopefully helping (awarding "coins" for good behavior that they collect to earn a small prize at the end of the week). I HATE material bribes but you do what you gotta do right? I'm also hoping that maybe the novelty of being "free reign" at bedtime will wear off soon.

And you know, there's the flipside of course. These two incredibly frustrating, challenging, adorable, interesting, smart hilarious people. Just as I did the day they were born, I still marvel at them. TWO of them.


To quote Harry, who said, right as I was taking this picture: "There are too many people in this pool!"





Well, four of them.

This too shall pass, and all that jazz.