Not My Best Moment and Shoes

I don’t want to write about this morning, but I have to. I yelled at Leo. Really yelled. I was shaking, I yelled so hard. I’m not sure if I was shaking because I yelled or if I yelled because I was shaking. He just wouldn’t listen. I tried to stay calm, I really did, because I could feel myself getting more and more upset. I think that I am usually a fairly patient person when it comes to Leo and if anything, Leo has taught me to become more patient in general. But this time, I snapped. He kept going limp and refusing to move and whining. He kept telling me he wanted to “play, no school.” He wouldn’t let me dress him. He kept going limp as a wet noodle, collapsing in the big leather chair in the living room. He would not move, cooperate, listen, nothing. When I finally did get him dressed he wouldn’t let me put his coat on.

And then after the terrible yelling, which I still feel bad about, I had to get him into the car. I tried bribing him with the pretzels. I tried asking him to take out the trash (he likes to throw away the baggies of dirty diapers I stash on the front porch and that often gets him outside). Finally what worked is walking outside with Ellie (holding her little hand) and telling Leo “goodbye.”

Then he put up a serious fight to get into his carseat. He went all rigid and whined and moaned. I too, wanted to cry. I actually did start to cry a little.

I don’t want to be the mom who yells. I know it happens to best of us (it does, right? Does it?), but still. I think what also makes me crazy is that Leo is a totally different person for other people. Like last night, for Erin, he went right to bed. For me? It’s a 45 minute, knock-down, drag- out process. When I tell Leo’s teachers stories of some of his antics at home they look at me like I’ve grown antlers. I told Erin I want to install a nanny-cam, to see what he does (or doesn’t do) for me. I just wonder why. Does he think I’m a push over? What exactly does he think about me? That he can get away with more? Does he think anything like that at all or am I just completely over analyzing this to bits?

I don’t want to talk about the yelling anymore. I can only try to make tomorrow (and tonight) better than this morning. And because I don’t want to talk about yelling anymore, I will talk about a much happier subject: Shoes. Ellie has almost outgrown her little pink mary janes and also her maryjane Robeez (size 12-18 months and she’s only 15 months-gaa!). So I’m thinking the next pair will be these:



Or maybe these? Or are they too dressy for every day wear?



These are very cute too. They also come with a pink lightening bolt but I couldn't find a picture of that one:



Or maybe, if I’m feeling really sorry for myself, I'll get all three. Shopping is much, much better than yelling.