Wherein the Victim Becomes the Assailant

A few months back I moaned about the "outline of a mouth and teethmarks on my sweet baby girl’s milky soft shoulder" after Ellie was bitten by another evil child at daycare.

Oh sure, she looks innocent enough, but I give you, suspect #1.

Pay no attention to the strawberry on her face. The assailant also likes fruit.

Yes, I’m here to report that the bitee has become the biter. I know in the Grand Scheme it's not a huge deal, and it's probably just a phase, but I am embarassed. I was home sick yesterday, wallowing in my first cold of the season (I held out as long as I could and I like to brag about my hearty Russian disposition but by gosh I finally succumbed to the plague around here that is The Cold) when I got the call from the daycare director. She was very diplomatic, just wanted to know if Ellie had been biting at home and if so if I had noticed anything in particular provoking it and also, how we handle it.

Well, she did bite Leo this weekend and I had seen her “go in for the kill” a few more times but had managed to catch her in the act. And poor sweet Leo, when Ellie bites him, he bursts into tears and points to the spot and cries “Ey-yie!” in his most accusing and horrified tone. When it happened this weekend I said “No biting,” to Ellie firmly and attempted to put her in a time-out, in which she promptly told me “No.” Oh I fear the teenage years with this one.

Totally unrelated to anything, I recounted the whole Ellie Biting Thing with a work colleague and when I said how I had no experience with this (Leo never bit anyone) he said "that seems like a little girl thing." For some reason this made me feel better and I'm not sure why, but it made sense. Then again, there was a little girl at Leo's daycare in Brooklyn who was expelled (no, really) for biting. I can't even think about that.

After the weekend biting incident I told Ellie to tell Leo “Sorry,” and Leo immediately told Ellie (in sign language) that he was “sorry.” Poor Leo. He’s the kid who gets a shot from the doctor and then immediately throws his arms around the shot wielding doctor.

Of course I consulted Dr. Google after my phone call with Daycare Director. Apparently biting in her age group (20 months) is very normal. I didn’t need a PhD in early childhood education to know that it stems from frustration and an inability to communicate one’s feelings. Boredom and an interest in attention are also apparently culprits. I’m sure she gets bored at some point in her day (as we all do) and I know that she is definitely an attention seeking missile, both at home and at school (see earlier entry, “Uppy Uppy Uppy.”)

Working Mother Guilt kicked in big time for this latest "phase." If she was home with me she wouldn’t have other kids to bite and also, she is probably learning to bite from the other rotten kids (no way my Angel would think that up on her own!). And also, she is not getting enough attention at school whereas at home she would always get enough attention (totally not true and I know it as there are moments when I have to Put. Her. Down.)

I think about how angry I felt towards that little girl who bit Ellie (who by the way no longer bites, she’s three months older than Ellie and apparently has grown out of it). I mean I wasn’t really angry but I think you know what I mean. No one likes the idea of the child hurt. But now I see how it's not much fun to be on the other side either. I think whenever your child does something less than spectacular, at some level you feel it’s a reflection of you as a parent. Nobody wants their kids to steal the family car, shoplift, drink underage, bite other kids at daycare. I mean, it’s a slippery slope, right? I kid, but it does make me think that is is just the first of the many (well, hopefully not many!) things that one of my children will do that is less than stellar. They are independent little creatures with minds of their own. We do the best we can and yet...who knows?

I just called for a bite check. As of a little after lunch time there had been no biting incidents and Ellie was reportedly in a “great mood” all morning. So maybe yesterday was just a bad day. Let’s hope.