As I said, Ellie turned two on Sunday.
I’m not sure if it was Sunday night blues but by Sunday afternoon I was downright teary. I’m not forty yet, not really all that close (OK, technically closer to forty than thirty for those of you keeping score) but, lately I just feel like time and life are so fleeting. I mean one minute you're pregnant and the next minute they’re two and blowing out the candles on an Elmo cake, looking both tiny and gigantic, at the same time.
And the next minute they’re slamming the door in your face and screaming at you that they hate you.
I know it’s not quite that simple or fast and a few other things come between those events, but sometimes it feels really, just brief. The whole thing. And sometimes I’m just scared.
And I don’t think it helps that it was just our little family celebrating on Sunday. There were no big crowds, no family (everyone is too far away). Don’t get me wrong, we could have invited people, we chose not to do a big party this year and really I’m OK with that, but in the moment, I don’t know, I felt a sudden pang of regret, which is silly since Ellie’s too little to care and Leo usually spends most of the time at any party we have asking to go downstairs to “play” (in the basement playroom, away from all the people and noise).
We’re going to my sister’s wedding in Oregon next month where pretty much every living family member (on my side) will be, so there’s that too. Another reason not to worry about doing a big event for the birthdays.
I just want everything to be special and perfect for my kids, which I know is totally a set-up for complete and utter disaster and failure. I should relish this time, when the kids are too little to ask for expensive gifts, when the best present of all is still the box the toy came in.
We decided to get Ellie a tricycle but didn’t want to spend a lot of money. I was so proud when I found this for $7 at garage sale.
And then we brought it home and gave it to Ellie and it is massive (next to her) and tippy and hard-edged and death-trap looking (especially when Target ran out of toddler bike helmets). And then I looked on Amazon to read more about the trike and there were 49 reviews saying things like “Run don’t walk from this Big Mistake" and "Don’t be fooled by the cutey vintage look.”
Oops.
I think it will be fine once she gets a little bigger. And Leo can definitely ride it (great, something else for them to fight about).
I know I’m just a ninny sometimes. It’s as if I find stuff to worry and fret over. Ellie had a great birthday. She was with the people who love her. She spent the day playing in the backyard, taking a long nap, eating Popsicles and barbequed turkey dogs, swimming in the kiddie pool and blowing out the candles on a gigantic Elmo cake made by a renowned pastry chef, created just for her.
What more could anybody ask for?
4 comments:
I had to check a couple times to make sure I didn't write this post! :) We didn't get the bike death trap, but I HAVE purchased a few used items for a steal that I later found out were recalled (for being death traps). But you know what? We still used them, we were just sure not to use them in a inappropriate way (which is often why things get recalled).
Awesome looking cake. And happy late B-Day to Ellie. I know exactly how you feel about wishing family could be there. When I was a kid we had a family b-day every year with my grandma b/c she lived so nearby. I am so sad that my kids don't have that. Not just birthdays, but EVERYthing.
I SO hear you.
it sounds like a PERFECT birthday to me!
sorry. that comment didn't do your post justice. i mean it, though -- that picture of ellie and the cake says it all. for her, i bet, it was a perfect birthday. ray loves to tell me the parties are for ME, not them, and he's probably right. we adults worry it all to death. ah, to be 2! and i'm sure the bike will be just fine, and it IS adorable!
So eloquent. And it's true . . . it really is all brief and fleeting. My oldest is 12 now and it seems like the last 12 years since he was born have passed by in the blink of an eye.
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