Free

It started out innocently enough.

A perfect, sunny Sunday.

Let’s paint the boat! I exclaimed, knowing full well where this would go.

And yup, just like I predicted, things got messy. And fast. But I think everyone agreed, these two had a blast. And in spite of how it might appear in the pictures, they did actually paint the boat. Eventually.


Am I the only one who has a hard time keeping clothes on their children? I’ve really given up, though since Leo is pushing six I do make him at least keep his underwear on. Usually.


Oh my goodness does this little girl look like her namesake. It makes me teary sometimes.
At the end of the long, hot, messy day, as the sun started to hang low in the sky but the heat was still blazing, I chatted with our neighbor over the white picket fence. She looked looked down at buck naked Ellie who was cooing to my neighbor's almost two-year-old, and paid me one of the biggest parenting compliments I’ve received in a long time, if ever.

“Your kids have such a great childhood. They’re so free,” my neighbor observed.

I sure hope so.

That's My Name

For as long as I can remember, Leo has called me “Dee-Dee.” That’s just been his version of “Mommy” and well, who am I to argue? I was admittedly thrilled when he came up with the term around age 3 ½. At least he was calling me something, I reasoned. Speech is speech, right?

Leo’s teacher and speech therapist have been well aware of the “Dee-Dee” situation and have been working with him all year to correct it. In fact Leo’s teacher joked that it was her “mission” (well, one of them) for the year.

And so, a few weeks ago, one day quite of the blue, it happened:

“Mommy!”

Granted, Leo’s version is more akin to “Ma-Bee!” But hey, I’ll take it!

And it’s been all “Ma-Bee” all the time since then.

It still hasn’t quite sunk in, that he’s talking to me, saying the word I’ve been waiting to hear since he was a toddler and all his peers were speaking and ordering “Uppy Mommy” and Leo was saying… nothing.

Leo's new favorite refrain is “Oh-Day Ma-Bee!” (OK Mommy!) the resigned and quite patient response to my perpetual nagging (seriously, I get on my own damn nerves so I can only imagine how everyone else in the house feels about me). Said nagging commences in the morning when he’s not eating his scrambled eggs fast enough and doesn’t end until nightfall, when he takes too long to get upstairs or or pick out his books or select just the proper pajama ensemble.

But like I said, I’ll take it.

Goodbye Kindergarten

Leo "graduated" from kindergarten on Friday.


Didn't he just graduate from pre-K? Why yes he did! Last year in fact.
It's amazing a whole year has gone by. I remember how nervous I was to let Leo go to the big scary new school. But there's no question in my mind it was the right decision. He's such a big boy. It was such a thrill to see him up on stage on Friday with all the other kids, just being himself, doing his thing. He's matured so much.

Here he is singing a song guaranteed to make any mommy cry: "When I grow up." Sorry about the um, camerawork. I knew there was a reason I didn't go into documentary film making. Toward the end of this clip, each child shares what they wish to be. You can sort of tell that Leo is reading his off a cue-card which his teacher is holding up.* I thought this was so smart of her to do and I was so proud of how he participated.

After the ceremony, we all joined Leo in his classroom for a party. Ellie was very excited to be at the ceremony and Leo was beyond thrilled to show off his little sister.

And of course, no party is complete without cake.

*In case you missed it, Leo wants to be a firefighter when he grows up. Good to know!

All Good Things

This morning, I feel like Ellie.

"I wanna go back to the hotel room!"

That was her refrain last night, all the way down I-95 and across the sparkling Tappan Zee Bridge, as we returned home from our annual weekend (one night, does that qualify as weekend?) sojourn to our beloved Mystic.

No one wanted the weekend to end.

Who would? Let’s see…lobster rolls at Abbot’s, exploring a local playground, swimming at the hotel pool for Erin and Leo while Ellie snoozed in the car followed by dinner with friends (fire roasted fresh clams and mussels washed down with chilled Rosé) topped off with a playdate with two of the most patient Jack Russell terriers I’ve ever met. Then it was back to the hotel room to sink into the multi-pillowed bed for a night cap of Mickey Mouse on-demand.

The next morning began with everyone’s favorite way to start the day: a breakfast buffet. Yes, that meant unlimited scrambled eggs for Leo and yes, his head almost exploded. Then it was more swimming at the hotel pool and on to the Mystic Aquarium, where Leo made a friend.


I know the second shot is blurry but I couldn’t help but include it. You see he’s getting tickled by the bird, who tiptoed behind his neck. Clearly, Leo adored the bird sanctuary, where you hold up a stick with bird seed and some kind of irresistible mush and the birds flock to you to snack. One of the aquarium volunteers spotted Leo and approached him with this trained bird who is exceptionally friendly and tame and well, I think the pictures say it all.

Another big hit was the beluga whale, who Ellie serenaded (sorry whale but you bring new meaning to the term captive audience) endlessly with her favorite song, “Baby Beluga” to. But the piece de resistance was the discovery of…wait for it…a pink baby beluga stuffed animal at the aquarium gift shop. I know! You can imagine the squeals of delight with that one. Ellie hasn’t put it down yet.

Late afternoon was spent at the Seaport. It was a cool but muggy, overcast day and we arrived so late that it was practically deserted, which was surprising and lovely. We rode on a steamboat and a horse drawn carriage tour of the grounds. Then the kids explored the excellent boat playground.

We made the mistake of arriving to the little children’s museum ten minutes before closing time. Leo was not happy to leave there and serious tears ensued, but we rallied.

All in all the kids were wonderful this weekend, really. I hate to sound so surprised but I am really starting to see a bit of a shift, with both of them. Leo still has his impulsive ways and likes to give me daily heart attacks (where's Leo? He was just here!) but all in all, they are just getting to be such kids now. They listen better, stay with us when we’re walking in public and also, they kind of get along with each other, seem to even be little friends who (much of the time though trust me, not all) seem to enjoy each other's company.

Perhaps the biggest development in the Becoming Kids Department: they are really playing together now. It’s more than just hayrides. They’ve moved on to these elaborate story games. Admittedly Ellie is the leader in the language department (“OK Leo now you go there and hide or the bear is going to get you”) but Leo most certainly contributes, and it’s fascinating to watch the two of them communicate, sometimes non-verbally but also in spoken word (have I mentioned that Ellie almost always understands what Leo is saying, even when Erin and I haven’t the faintest clue what he’s saying?). Hide and seek is big (the sliding glass doors on the closet in the hotel room where the awesomest, apparently, for hide and seek). The two of may have discovered Narnia in that closet and at the very least built a village out of extra pillows and laundry.

I wanna go back to the hotel room!

Well Excuse Me

Thank goodness for last night’s season finale of "Glee", which knocked me out of my cranky, brow beaten mood, a gloom that even a glass of Shiraz couldn’t resolve.

The cause of my temporary meloncholy? Bedtimes with Ellie have become knock down drag out exercises in delaying the inevitable. At nearly three she is very set in her ways (I know, so original) and has definite ideas of how things should be done. She’s never been a huge tantrumer but I can see she has the potential for real talent in this area if she decides to put her mind to it.

She has to step into her nightgown, not have it come over her head. She has to get her own Pull-Up from the pantry and that includes opening the door herself, don't even try to open that door. She has to attempt to put the toothpaste on the toothbrush even though every night she ends up handing it over to you and saying Can you help me Mommy? She has to read books before brushing teeth and don't ever dare suggest a different order to the proceedings.

Starting to get the idea?

Monday night we had a stand-off over the fact that she would not come upstairs for bath time when asked to do so repeatedly. The punishment: she missed the beloved bubble bath and believe me, she did not let me forget it. A "Rain Man" worthy monologue ensued for the rest of the bedtime routine. While Leo splashed away with Erin across the hall, Ellie quietly and repeatedly requested a bubble bath. "I want to take a bubble bath. But I wanted to take a bubble bath!" But I stood firm.

Last night’s fury was aroused when I had the audacity to retrieve the wipes from the second bathroom, rather than allowing Ellie to do so. Well I had some nerve, didn’t I?

I know all of this is exacerbated by the simple fact that she’s exhausted. But it’s so hard when I only see her for an average of four hours a day during the week and 1.5 of those hours are spent bargaining and haggling and deal making over something as simple as bedtime. And then I feel guilty for losing my patience with her when I only get four hours a day with her.

Did I mention that she also rarely naps at daycare? Hmm, the might explain why she’s been known to sleep half the day away on the weekend. In short, she’s whipped. Or is it wiped? Whatever.

But in lighter moments, she can say the sweetest things at the end of the night, after said bargaining and haggling and deal making is over and she’s ensconced, finally, in her little pink bed with the Scottie dog sheets and the pastel striped blanket.

“I really love you Mommy. You’re my best big girl.”

Some nights she asks me to blow her a kiss so she can catch it. Oh sure, some nights she also wails at me that she doesn’t want to catch a kiss. One night she actually screamed for me to come back to her room so she could return the kiss that I’d given her.

Don't let the innocent smile fool you.

But last night was different.

“I really, really…” Ellie began, then drifted off. I didn’t catch the last portion of what she’d said.

“What Sweetie? I can’t hear you,” I said, leaning over her, expecting to hear something about how she “really loved me” or how I was “really her favorite mommy.”

Oh no, that wasn’t it.

“I really, really…wanted to get the wipes,” she sniffed.

All I Have

Oh, hello!

It feels like it’s been forever, even though it hasn't. I think it's because I’ve been cheating on this little project with another decidedly not so little project. So yes, distracted is the word du jour. My mind has been charging through in overdrive. There have been loads of delicious little anxious moments and middle of the night wake-ups that involve a bounty of tossing and turning and ceiling staring. Questions range from Can I Do This? to Who the Hell Do I Think I Am? (perhaps my personal fave) to I Have No Choice. OK so the last one is not a question, that much I do know.

So. Not to be vague, but I kind of have to be for now. I am that superstitious.

In other news, Bullets. What can I say? It’s all I have. Right now.

-Summer seems to be in full swing. Oh well. Spring, it was nice knowing you for all of, what, 4.2 days? Here in New York City we’re in full-on jungle fever. It could seriously be Vietnam out there (although admittedly I’ve never actually been to Vietnam but hey, I have the ability to imagine torturous humidity when I am indeed experiencing it). Thank goodness my hair seems to have recovered from the big Haircut Mistake of March 2010. I can finally put it back into a pony tail or (yippee!) pigtails! And I know what you’re thinking and no, I am NOT too old for pigtails.

-Last weekend I took Ellie to her first official birthday party where only she was invited—it was for a little classmate of hers at school. Held at a nearby park, there was pin the tail on the blow up donkey (which Ellie insisted was a unicorn because of the pointy hat), and a giant kind of scary inflatable ball that the little kids could climb into (I know) and I was positive someone was going to be suffocated at some point during the party. I jumped at my chance to get my hot dog on (yes I’m one of those vegetarians who deigns to eat hot dogs—real hot dogs made from turkey lips and cow nose and all that).

-In short, the party was general, fun preschool mayhem (as they should be at this age). And it was also at this party that I discovered Ellie is afraid of clowns. Like, really, really terrified, run-screaming-from-said-clown-with-tears-and-a-bright-red pink-face, afraid. This clown was painting faces which I thought Ellie would adore but alas, the clown was too much to get past. Ellie did warm to him later in the party when he made balloon animals and um, other things (Ellie took home a pink balloon “flower.”)

-I also had a pretty big realization at the party: little boys can be really annoying, even when they have 46 chromosomes. I know, newsflash, right? Those balloon animals I just mentioned? The little boys at the party (ranging from nearly three to five or six) took great delight in popping those balloons, literally right after that poor clown made them. And I even thought to myself when I heard that balloon animals were on the agenda, Well it’s a good thing Leo isn’t here because he wouldn’t be able to handle those.

-Oh that clown. He was either heavily medicated or had the patience of a saint or had plans to go home after the party and drink and entire bottle of wine. I'm betting on option #3.

-Party realization, continued: You know those annoying little 46ers I just mentioned? The balloon poppers? They reminded me of how I can be really hard on Leo. I try not to let it show, but I know it does sometimes and I need to really watch it. He might not notice it now, but there will come a day when he will.

-And I tend to jump to the conclusion (as I’ve written here before) that all of Leo’s infuriating, exasperating behavior is because of the Old Faithful Down syndrome, you know, Down syndrome, the reason for all that sucketh.

-Because you know, if Leo didn’t have Down syndrome, he wouldn’t feel the need to stomp in the ginormous mud puddle that he created in what used to be my beloved flower bed (it was nice knowing you, butterfly bush). If he didn’t have Down syndrome he wouldn’t refuse to get into his car seat at the end of the day and instead climb into the passenger seat or scurry to the back of the minivan and dance around and shake his behind (true story—I’m still trying to figure out who taught him/showed him how to shake his booty).

-Right. It’s all Down syndrome’s fault. Because little boys (or little girls for that matter, I need to do a whole other post on the Bargaining and Deal Making and Discussion that exists when you live with an almost three year old girl) couldn’t just be maddening and annoying Why-is-Mommy-banging-her-head-against-the-wall? inducing little creatures, all on their own, without the help of some silly little syndrome.