Four

July 29, 2004. I almost can't look at this picture. It stirs up so much (not to mention the fact that Leo was really sick here and we didn't know it...shortly after it was taken he ended up in the NICU for dehydration and jaundice). It was one of the best and worst days of my life. If Leo ever reads this I hope he will understand why everything was so hard in the beginning, know how much I love him and remember that I wouldn't change anything about him. He is perfect just as he is. I wish I had known the day he was born how much he would change my life for the better.


#1 ... Can you tell he was an only child here? He has his own cake, and a special "1st Birthday" bib and hat (and he is so clean!). And if you could see a wide shot of this picture there are almost 50 people fawning over him. It was a really special, emotional day.


#2 ... This is the year we had Leo's party in a bar. A cool bar, but still. We had just been forced to move out of our Brooklyn apartment; construction to nearby luxury condos caused cracks to our building's foundation. During a heatwave. With Erin's mom and niece visiting. Good times. A birthday I will not soon forget!


#3 ... He looks still sort of baby-like here, even though behind him and just out of view from this shot sat his two week old sister Ellie. Once she was born, Leo was officially not a baby. I see huge differences between age 3 and 4.


#4 ... Happy Birthday Leo! Excuse the dirty face but Leo is enjoying a Popsicle here. And I think it's an appropriate shot that exemplifies who Leo is. It's evidence of just how much Leo enjoys his life. I love you so much my beautiful boy. And I am so proud of you every day. Even when you don't listen to me. No one makes me laugh or smile the way you do. And nobody gives better hugs.

Love, Mommy

Itchy

Next year I will take the Monday after the party off from work. I can’t begin to tell you what a disaster my house is. I have mentioned my OCD tendencies here before. I don’t do well when I have to leave things unfinished or disorganized. The only way I can describe how I feel is that it’s like there’s an itch I can’t scratch. It’s just … uncomfortable.

I’m working on this. I’m trying to learn to “let go.” I have two kids. I work full-time outside of the home. And I have high standards. Nobody but me cares that my pantry is completely disorganized after two straight days of cooking and baking (there were many people in the kitchen and not everyone shares my love of organization—I don’t fault them in the least and actually envy them for not noticing/caring). I realize how unattractive this makes me sound.

The five dozen balloons that looked so lovely hanging strategically on every other fence post yesterday are now deflated and on the floor of the kitchen. And living room. And office. Basically our house is dead balloon-central. (I'll save the story of how Erin and I were awakened this morning by yes, balloons (they had drifted upstairs, lulled by the breeze of the bedroom ceiling fan. Hilarious).

There are piles of laundry because Erin’s mom is sleeping in the basement/playroom/guest room and I don’t want to run the dryer down there since there is no air conditioning and it can get warm.

There are baskets of folded laundry to put away.

All three beds need linens changed. I set clean linen out Saturday morning. Did it get done? Um, no.

There are bags of beautiful new clothes, all too big, for the kids, from Erin’s mom. They need to be sorted and organized and washed.

Leo’s gorgeous train set from Grandpa and Grandpa (thanks again guys!) is quite large and in the middle of the living room rug. He adores it. Won’t stop playing with it. And we need to get him a little table to set it on I think.

The van is a disaster from the multiple errands that were run this weekend. There are still cases of seltzer to unload from Costco. Leo had an “issue” in his car seat Friday night and it still hasn’t been properly attended to (we need vinegar and some scrubbing. Can someone please explain why you can’t wash a Britax car seat cover? Grrr). There are too many pieces of Veggie Booty to count on the floor and two of Ellie’s pacifiers are missing. I know they are under a seat.

I just need one, kidless, ice coffee filled day to get it all done.

In the grand scheme, I know that none of these things matter. I know that I worry about the little things because I can’t control the big things (thanks Dr. Freud). I know everything will eventually get done. And then there will be other tasks, and more itches I can’t scratch. The moments in which everything is just “so” are fleeting, if not non-existent. But they are sweet. But so are my children, who are so often the cause of the so called “itches.” And yes, I’m aware of the irony.

Great Party! No Proof. Yet.

After a lot of stressing, the Weather Bunny helped us out yesterday. And I think it’s safe to say that the party was a success. It started out sunny, got a little overcast and then the rumblings (as in, of thunder) started, but not until close to the end of the party. There was plenty of swimming, water table and sand box playing and eating.

Leo did well. He shared his toys like a rock star (mostly). Didn’t cry too much when one of his classmates popped him in the face with a plastic truck (not on purpose). He handled the crowd well and was quite social. He only tried to go into the house twice. Once he tried to turn on the t.v. (can you so say overstimulated?) and another time he tried to stay in the kitchen to have his own private dance party. We turned off the iPod and that took care of that. We’ve had an issue in the past with Leo getting overstimulated at parties and wanting to leave. I hope he's outgrown that.

Ellie was an angel. She is such a mellow, sweet girl. I worry sometimes that she doesn’t get enough attention (ah the plight of the second child). She is so happy to sit in her high chair and munch on Veggie Booty.

We got through the singing of the birthday song and the decorating of cupcakes (which ended up being the “entertainment,” a big hit, I think) without a weather event. The rain did come eventually, but the party was winding down anyway. The celebration moved inside, we did a bit more playing and with that, the big one/four celebration was over.

And I would like to have posted evidence of all the fun but when I went to download all the pictures this morning I got some weird error message saying the files were unreadable. Oh how lovely. You know me and pictures. I am trying to remain calm. When things settle down a bit at work (we are still in a crazed time) I will go downtown to this fancy camera shop that also helps with technical problems and see if they can help. The odd thing is that according to my camera, I have pictures. The computer is just not reading the files. I am hoping it’s something as simple as a setting, a switch that needs to be, well, switched.

The party went by so quickly. I feel like I was on a carousel spinning around, talking to a hundred people (really there were only about 25, including kids) and suddenly I was kissing and hugging people goodbye. It scares me sometimes, how these big life events just fly by. And the older the kids get, the older I get, life just seems to speed up, daily. I want to savor every moment, and I try, but it’s so hard. And I feel like I’m going to turn around and the kids are going to be in high school and not speaking to me and then grown up and moving thousands of miles away.

I realize I am getting a bit ahead of myself. I know, I do this.

I am grateful we have so many wonderful friends from so many different walks of life, to share our lives with. Sometimes I feel very alone—everyone is so busy and it can be so hard to connect but when you do, it’s a beautiful thing.

And I still can’t believe I have a one-year old and a four-year old.

Make it Work

This weekend is the big co-birthday party. We planned a simple, casual, layed back (as in no paid entertainment or organized activities) kind of celebration. We were counting on the big Show Stoppers being the kiddy pools, water table and sand box. Maybe we’re naïve but I don’t think at such young ages (four and one) things have to be so structured and regimented (i.e. No juggler, magician, Elmo with a guitar). I hope I don’t regret saying this.

I am concerned about the weather though, as our “entertainment” is so weather dependent. And of course, Sunday’s forecast says scattered thunderstorms. Also, we have a decent sized house but it’s not huge. And we are expecting a fair number of people. Repeat after me: It will be what it will be. Or to quote the words of my boyfriend Tim Gunn, we just have to “make it work.”

It’s going to quite a mix of people. We have friends coming from our old life in Brooklyn, families from Leo’s school (all of these kids have DS), and families from Leo and Ellie’s daycare. And Erin has invited some work people. It will be interesting to see the other kids with DS who are Leo’s age. I really don’t spend much time with kids with DS besides Leo so of course I’m sure I will be doing lots of (secret) comparing.

There is so much to do in preparation for the party that I almost don’t know where to begin. What did I say about it being simple? I know it will all get done but right now I am just feeling overwhelmed. But it’s not like I have to do it all by myself or anything so I don’t know what my problem is.

Erin’s mom arrives from New Orleans tonight. I’m excited for her to see Ellie walking and to see Leo and his new hair cut (not so new anymore but new to her) and to appreciate how much progress he’s made in just a few months. He’s so much more verbal than he was even since April, which is when she last visited. Also, it’s nice to have family around. Erin and I are both thousands of miles from any immediate family and although I am sure we would be driven insane if any of them actually lived nearby, it makes having them visit all that more precious.

Did I mention Erin ordered five-dozen balloons for the party? Um, yea. This better end up being outdoors.

Monday I will torture you with pictures.

Ellie Update

Lately I feel like things have been all Ellie all the time here. She is just in the midst of such an explosion of development.

I think it is safe to announce that Ellie is officially walking. She started taking tentative steps about ten days ago. Last Friday night she was walking even more and I swear that it was last Saturday that I set her down on the rug in the living room and she just walked across that rug. When Erin woke up I said Oh by the way, did you know that Ellie is WALKING?. Because there she was, six at a time. Across the room, like a little miniature Frankenstein/Godzilla.

I guess this means I have to get her these.



Or maybe these?



Oh darn. Sometimes it's so hard having a little girl.

I am also impressed by the cognitive leaps. She is making connections. She had a little cold this week and I gave her Tylenol twice. Last month she squirmed and whined through the Tylenol. This week she adored it. Licked her lips for more. And after two days in a row of receiving it she saw it sitting on the mantel and pointed to it. She recognized the bottle, folks.

She wanted more Tylenol.

She is one. I am amazed.

She also seems to suffer from my condition of Whatever Is On Their Plate Is Better Than What I’m Having. She now wants to eat whatever everyone else is eating. Stir fried veggies? Sure! Ricotta salata? Why not! Olives? Yes! (Or as Ellie would say, “yeah!”)

Also, speech. She is consistently saying “bye” and “bye bye.” Wednesday morning at daycare she said “bye Ma” to me when I turned to leave. She will also repeat a lot of what Leo says (many of these things are not real words but no matter).

Earlier this week at the grocery store I was chatting to her and told her it was time to leave the section we were in. And just a few beats later, she said “bye.” She made the connection between me saying it was time to go and knew it was right to say bye.

Again, wow.

And perhaps most fun of all, she and Leo are enjoying giggle fests together. The other night the source of much laughter was me holding the handle of the pacifier in my mouth and having Ellie take it out of my mouth and put it back in. I know they are an easy audience but it’s still fun to make them laugh.

It's a Beech

Leo came home this week with his sweet little class schedule (flag salute, snack, toileting. The usual preschool fun.) And then. This week’s unit? Why it’s summer, so they are studying the beech of course! Yes, the beech. Who doesn’t love the beech? They are learning about sand, sand castles, the ocean, swimming, the sun. You know, the beech.

I could see one typo. One misspelling. But this thing was covered in beech. It was almost comical, See how many times you can spot the misspelled word! I’ve never seen the word beech so many times in my life.

I know these kids have Down syndrome and they’re only like three and four years old and all, but don’t they deserve to learn how to spell properly?

I’ve heard about teachers making embarrassing grammatical and factual errors. To be fair, I come from a family of teachers, so I am not knocking teachers. I know they have a tough job. But this just seems odd to me.

Am I overreacting?

I realize this means I am not allowed to ever make a typo in this blog again. Crap.

The Week in Review

I have had so many starts of a post in my head this week. I just feel scattered again, like I’m being pulled in several directions and I can’t focus. I have good intentions to start things and then when I get the chance to begin them, I freeze. Sorry to be vague.

A few thoughts:

Ellie had her one-year check up on Tuesday. She is 23 pounds, 30 inches. That puts her in the 80th and 75th percentile, respectively. What can I say? I do not make small children.

She got her final Prevnar shot and I was all nervous because I thought it was MMR shot time but that’s not until 15 months. I have been planning on attempting to space the MMR out and had spoken at length with Ellie’s doctor about this. He had mentioned in passing that it could sometimes be difficult to find the individual vaccines but that in theory he has no problem spacing them.

Well we saw a different doctor, she is new and I don’t love her (note to self: next time request the doctor that I know I like. If nothing else I enjoy consistency). She went on and on about how it’s currently tough to get the “R” by itself, something about a shortage. Then she assured me there has been no proven link between autism and the MMR. I get that. But she doesn’t have a kid with Down syndrome (she’s never met Leo and she obviously doesn’t know us well—she asked me if I wanted to go home and talk the shot issue over with my husband. Grrr.) I know I am probably being paranoid but I just want to do it. The rest of the visit was uneventful. Except that Ellie is officially at the age where it’s no fun to sit in a waiting room with her. She got so Bored. Wanted to get Down. I figured not so great to let her crawl around the floor of the pediatrician’s office. As if the exam table isn’t covered in cooties too.

It’s been another week of early risings. I guess Leo’s internal clock has just been set at 5:30 a.m. I am still so not happy about this. I thought maybe the sun was waking him up so I papered over his windows (he long ago broke the black out shades, thanks Leo). Doesn’t seem to matter. Around the same ungodly hour each morning I hear his door creak open and the patter of his feet. He struggles to climb into our very high bed, succeeds, and begins fishing for remotes because at that hour, what else is there to do but turn on PBS Sprout? And then begins my mad dash to get myself ready, the breakfasts and lunches made, the kids’ clothing picked out. The attempt to not leave the kitchen, the house in a complete and total wreck.

The fence is completed, as I mentioned, so the dog has been spending the days outside. I think it’s good for her, because she seems exhausted in the evening, not so manic (what is she so tired from? Her long day of panting?). The caveat is, she has taken to digging. In my flower beds. I’m not sure what is worse, coming home to one of her “accidents” or to a destroyed, beloved Black Eyed Susan.

I forgot to mention that it’s hot here. Summer in New York is not so fun. I mostly escape it. My walk from the train to work is not bad in the morning while it’s still generally pleasant. But the walk home is miserable. The heat that comes off all those cars, all those people. And the smells.

Thank goodness for central air in the suburbs and not one but two kiddy pools. Happy weekend everyone. Oh and pictured above: What weekends look like around our place. It's just tennis balls and sunbeams.

So Stupidly Busy

I have been working on an entry in my head for days now. Work is insane and I just haven't had a moment in general. But I had to post this picture. We bought this wagon for Leo and Ellie's birthday gift (yeah I know, joint party, joint gift. Are we lame or cheap?) When Erin said she wanted to get them a red wagon I pictured a rusty metal one. We waited in the car and she emerged with this one. Yup, our kids got the Mac Daddy. It even has drink holders. These days, what doesn't come with drink holders?

Anyway, you can see they love it. I just adore the look on Ellie's face, especially. She just looks, well, blissful.

More soon.

7/12/07: Happy Birthday Ellie!

One year ago today: right before we left for the hospital


From this


To this

One year ago today we met our Ellie.
Nine pounds, 11 ounces. 21 inches.
She did not want to come out.
Forceps with a c-section.
Don't ask.
Our big girl screamed, then proceeded to sleep and sleep.
She screamed in the hospital nursery and only wanted to be with her mommy.
The girl who now loves to eat wouldn't eat (she fell asleep the second she started nursing).
She lost weight (they told me big babies often do this).
She freaked us all out.
But she got over it.
Woke up, ate. Opened her eyes.
The rest is history.
Today she giggles, stands, takes tentative steps (she pretends like she can't walk but we know she can), gives five, crawls like a professional crawler, says "hi," "hot," "mama," "yay" and "yeah."
She dances to any and all music.
Loves blueberries and cheese, most of all.
We loved you from the minute we met you Eleanor.

Happy First Birthday!

T.G.I.F.

As I write this from my "home office," the fence guys are installing the gate on the driveway. This is the gate we were supposed to get about a month ago. Along with the fence we were supposed to get about two months ago. But I am not bitter. I am looking forward to a weekend that does not include chasing Leo or the dog down the driveway. I am trying to muster up the courage to ask the fence company for a discount. I am not good with haggling or confrontations but this whole experience has been downright ridiculous. I feel that we are owed something. I know, doesn't everyone?

Oh and I am off work today. We get what it called "summer Fridays" two times a month from June to August. Not bad, I admit. A four day work week is so humane. I wish it would catch on in this country.

It is not yet noon and already I have shopped for groceries for the week, returned a skirt at Target that I didn't need, and cleaned out the shed (there was an unfortunate incident involving squirrels and a large bag of bird seed. Don't ask). I know that I should try to just chill for a few minutes but it's tempting to try to do a million things when I have time alone without the kids. Free time is so precious. Ellie is at daycare and Leo is at school. And no I don't feel guilty. But I do feel the need to be productive.

Thank goodness the humidity has broken. It is simply gorgeous today. Even this gray sky loving Pacific Northwest native can appreciate some sun.

Happy weekend to all.

A Face. By Leo.

This weekend Leo drew, what looks to me, to be a face. Complete with all the fixins--eyes, nose, mouth. And this was done completely without suggestion. Just all by himself. I know, bad photo, and really ugly countertop, but Cool!

4th Photos

As promised, photos from the parade on Friday. I included a picture of myself in the mix. Yes, I am coming out of my blogging closet. I look a little like a pirate, with the bandana and hoop earrings. The bandana was the only red thing I had that was clean and summery (I had on a blue shirt, was trying to go with the patriotic theme, you see). Also, a bandana is a frizzy-haired girl's best friend.

I can't begin to explain how much fun we had. It was so great to be out with the kids, somewhere other than the usual haunts. The backyard. The park. It gets old. I read about the parade online and thought, what the heck (it's only our second year living in the 'burbs and last year I was eight days from giving birth--sufficed to say not going to parades). It's something to do, I reasoned. I find that we all have so much of a better time when we have a Plan. As much as I love to (and we do plenty of it), it's hard to just Hang Out with kids.

I wasn't sure about the timing of the parade, which was right in the middle of Ellie's nap, but bless her heart, she's an amenable kind of baby. Most of the time, she deals. So Friday morning I packed the kids up, grabbed my little Mapquest directions and headed for Montclair (which is all of ten minutes away). The parade winds through a lovely residential neighborhood and concludes in a park which I have driven by many times but never been to, so it was a nice opportunity to explore a new place. There was a band, jugglers and of course, hot dogs and ice cream. And Ellie had a taste of her first Popsicle. Pictures of that above as well. Oh and Gordon from "Sesame Street" was there! (You can sort of make him out in one of the photos of Leo dancing at the concert after the parade--Gordon lives in Montclair.) The funny thing is, one of the musicians in the band said that the people who most recognized Gordon were not his preschool demographic, but 35 to 40 year olds. Ha.

Leo loved the marching bands. Every time one went by he'd turn to me and sign "music," and clap along. He wasn't sure about the candy that was thrown at us. Or the squirt guns (I wasn't into that much either, I must be getting old). I think the best part of the parade for Leo was that it was basically two hours of waving and saying "hi," which are some of his favorite things to do. And he seemed to think the classic cars were pretty cool. Ellie tried her darnedest to keep her eyes open and not nap but she finally succumbed towards the end. She fell asleep in my arms, which was so sweet since she is such a big girl that she never does that anymore.

Later, we talked about going to see fireworks but it's hard with little kids, since they don't start until after dark. We joked that we'd watch them on TV.

That evening, after the kids had gone to bed, the fireworks started up outside. They were loud. So loud that I thought for sure they would wake the kids. And so loud that I thought, we have to be able to see them. They sounded that close. And sure enough, we could! Rising up behind the trees in the back yard was quite a spectacular show. I have no idea where they were coming from and I am still confused since we live towards the bottom of a hill (not in a particularly elevated area), but there you have it, fireworks from the comfort of our back deck. I'm not complaining. And next year, we'll keep the kids up for the show.

Five

Here's another fun milestone. Ellie learned how to "give five" this weekend. And I caught her and Leo doing it together. You can in these pictures see how patient he is being with her, trying to get her to do it. And then when she does it he is so proud.

Bye-bye

This morning as I was leaving daycare Ellie was standing at the baby gate and I was at the end of the hall. I said "bye-bye," turned to leave and heard a little voice say "bye-bye." I turned, and she was not only saying, it but waving!
I am so proud!

So Much Rain

Happy Fourth!
We had a great day yesterday. Erin had to work but I mustered up the courage to take the kiddies by my lonesome to the Montclair Fourth of July Parade. So. Much. Fun. I will post pics when I get to work on Monday (and have more time, as well as my card reader).

I finally broke down and bought the world's cheapest double stroller. It was totally worth the $79.99 in spades. Why didn't I buy one sooner? I kept telling myself Leo was close to outgrowing a stroller. He is, but seriously, it makes my life so much easier. And his, safer.

But what is up with this weather? We had plans to visit friends on Shelter Island but we woke to rain and gray skies. Decided that would be no fun, trapped inside. It's bad enough at our house but trapped inside someone else's house? Forget it.

Gotta go. Leo has eaten far too many donuts today.

By the way, what's up with this rain?