Clinique Bonus Time

I cleaned out my drawers this weekend (more on that riveting topic later). I found a couple of old cosmetic bags, the ones they give you when you purchase a Clinique Bonus. Fans of Clinique makeup are familiar with this racket/promotion. You spend a certain amount of money and you get a few travel sized versions of a variety of Clinique products: lotion you never wear, lipstick that isn't your color. Yet you have to have it (I suppose I speak for myself here). And you spend the money just to get it. My mom was a sucker for these. She always found a reason to "need" a Clinique product around the time the Bonus was going on. She always had way too many of these little cosmetic bags. Over the years I inherited her extras until finally, I got all of them. What's funny is, I'm not a big make-up person and neither was my mom. There was just something so festive about these little travel sized items.

Ellie is very interested in the art of putting things inside of things (drawers, boxes, bags) and taking them out. I guess it's just a typical developmental stage but for some reason I find it adorable (what can I say, I'm her mother). In cleaning out my drawers this weekend I found this (see photos) old Clinique bag and had planned on throwing it away, but then realized it might be a fun thing for Ellie to play with. Last night I put some cards inside it and she had thirty minutes of fun taking the cards in and out, trying to close the zippered pouch, holding it by its handle. At one point it even looked like she was carrying a little purse. I wish her Grandma could see her with her little Clinique Bonus bag. She would be so proud.

Summer Lovin'

Here's another shot from the backyard from this weekend. It was really hot and humid but I spent so much of it either sitting with my feet in the baby pool or standing by a sprinkler, that I didn't really notice it being too uncomfortable. I didn't grow up with humidity but at some point I have grown accustomed to it. Not sure when that happened.

We had a great weekend. Leo and Ellie are playing together more and more, though a good deal of my time is still spent refereeing (OK, most of my time). Why is it that the toy that Ellie chooses is instantly the toy that Leo needs at That Exact Moment. And he can be a little rough with her. She's not all that solid on two feet yet. But she's starting to give Leo a hard time back. She sort of screeches at him of he takes something from her that she wants. It's hilarious.

I've had a lot on my mind lately. Too much to post right now, but I'll get to it. My brain just hurts. So rather than write a lot, I am posting a picture that makes me smile and reminds me of what is truly important. By the way, right after the above photo was taken, Leo pushed Ellie down. Blatantly. She burst into tears. Leo immediately kissed Ellie, turned to me and did the sign for "cry." Oh well.

Typos, Spills and an End to the Mystery of "What's Leo Singing?"

I found a few funny typos in re-reading my last post. I wrote dog “bowel” instead of dog bowl (what can I say, I have poop on my mind). But even spell check wouldn’t catch that one.

Speaking of that lovely subject, I missed the great “window” last night. After dinner I like to let Leo and Ellie play for a few minutes in the living room before starting the bedtime regime. It looks like that has to end, as that is Prime Potty Time. Makes me sad because this is really the only time of the day (except the hurried morning) during the week that I get to hang out with my kids. By the time I get them upstairs Ellis is whiney and I have to rush through Leo’s books because she is desperate to go to sleep.

This morning started out with a bang. I don’t know what possessed him to do so but Leo decided to reach for an open package (my fault, totally) of Capellini pasta from the pantry cupboard. You know where this is going. Capellini went everywhere. The look on Leo’s face was priceless when that pasta hit the floor. I made him help me clean it up. I thought about taking a picture (it would have made a good one) but I was in the middle of making breakfasts and lunches.

We finally played the CD that Leo’s school sent home last week. I don’t think I mentioned this but in the past few weeks we had noticed Leo singing some kind of song (we couldn’t understand the words) and doing some hand gestures/signing along with this song. I had a feeling it had something to do with the program that he performed in for the graduation. Well when I played the CD last night in the car on the way home from daycare I figured it out! It’s a song about the days of the week and Leo knows ALL the words (in sign language). His eyes lit up when he heard the music come on the stereo in the car and he proceeded to do the whole song for me. It was wonderful! Again, here he goes having this whole separate life away from me, learning songs and signs. I love it. One of the songs is hilarious, though it’s not supposed to be. It sounds straight out of the seventies and suspiciously like Will Ferrell and Ana Gasteyer from that old "Saturday Night Live" skit where they performed as the Culp Family (the singing middle school teachers). In fact, it’s stuck in my head as I type this: “Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you really really ready?”

In Ellie food news, she’s doing great “off” the jars. She loves soy chicken nuggets and soy meatballs, as well as soy bologna and cheese on her wheat pita. We’re not vegetarian (although I was raised one for a good while and I went on to be one for fourteen years-I’m still not a huge meat eater and don’t cook it much) but for some reason I don’t like the idea of giving meat to babies. Leo has had it but he’s not a huge fan. I think he would live on applesauce, waffles and scrambled eggs, if given the choice.

Wacky Weather, Potty Excitement and A Helpful Leo

I cannot get over the weather so far in New York City this summer. It seems like it has rained and/or thunderstormed nearly every day for a month. I just went to the bank and it was sunny, warm, dry and comfortable. Downright San Diego-esque. Thirty minutes later there was a black cloud settled over my building (I will try not to take this personally). The pounding rain ensued and now, poof-it is clear again. And now the sky is swimming pool blue. Weird! The upshot: I haven't hard to water the yard much this year. Yeah. But we won't talk about what this weather does to a frizzy haired girl's self-esteem.

A few things:

-Last night Leo pooped on the potty! This is huge. He has never so much as peed and last night, well, all I can say is Wow. I never wanted to to be the mom who talked in detail about scatalogical matters but I do want to mention this. I tried something new: I gave him a book. I don't know what made me think of this but it just came to me. We read a whole Dora bedtime book and by the end, well, we had success. His teacher recommended we put him on the potty at consistent times during the day. This is so hard to do when you have no bathroom on the main floor and an 11-month old who is going through a clingy phase (truthfully, I don't think she's exceptionally clingy, I think she is just 11-months old and at daycare all day. By the end of her day she wants her Mommy dammit!). But I can't whine about the inconveniences of potty training. I have to just do it. As I've said before, Leo's teacher thinks he's ready. I think I am worried about how long it is going to take. I worry about the logistics of it all.

-More Leo news: He has become suddenly helpful. I am not complaining. He loves to put the tray on Ellie's high chair (he pays no mind to her little arms and hands so I have to closely supervise this one). And here's a new one: This morning he rushed to my side as I refilled the dog's water bowl. He put his hands on the handle of the teapot I was using, so that he was helping to pour. When we were done he clapped for himself. He is also great about picking things up when I drop them (which is a lot, especially when I am holding a 23-pound pork chop, I mean, baby girl, in my arms). The second Ellie drops her cup Leo is at her side with the retrieved cup. He's also great about handing me a diaper/wipes/miscellaneous supplies. Sometimes it takes a few seconds/minutes for him to find what I am asking for, but when he does get it, is he ever proud. As am I.

He also enjoys helping me put clothes in the washer and dryer. But not as much as he loves pushing the buttons on the washer and dryer.

He's on a one-week break from school this week so he's attending the day care full-time. I know he has a good time there and it's a much more relaxed atmosphere but I'm looking forward to him getting back to his regular program and his therapies. I think at the daycare they let him do his own thing just a little too much. Not that there's anything wrong with that. In small doses.

I Told You She Likes to Eat

Look closely. Yes Ellie's eye's are closed in these photos. But not because of the flash. It's because she was eating and sleeping. I kid you not. Now that is talent. I know I talk a lot about how much my daughter likes to eat but you have to admit, this is impressive. It was Sunday night, the end of a busy weekend. She had a very short nap Sunday morning (not her usual 2+ hour snooze.) And no afternoon nap. By 6:30 she was spent (as were we all). But not spent enough to miss out on pears and cheese and pasta and Veggy Booty. By the way, she is doing very well with the cup too.

Speaking of food, Trader Joe's yesterday: got ingredient to make Ellie sandwiches. Apricot jam and cream cheese and soy bologna and cheese, both on pita bread. Also, she absolutely loved the rice cake (brown rice, a bonus). I tasted one and they were pretty good! Saltier than I expected (probably why she liked it). Am also going to try Soycatash (gotta love TJ's cutie names). It's a mixture of soy beans, corn and red peppers. She likes frozen peas so why not soy beans?

Haircut

It was time. We knew it was. But for all that is good in this world, will someone please tell me who stole my baby and replaced him with this Little Boy?

Side note: See the stray hairs? We did the best we could. I'll have to trim those when he's asleep or something. Leo screamed like we were stabbing him in the head during the haircut. We took him to one of those cheesy kid mall places. Even sitting on Erin's lap and watching an Elmo video did nothing to appease/distract. The cookies n' cream ice cream afterwards might have helped. A little.

The End of Jars

This morning Ellie’s primary caregiver at daycare mentioned to me that they were beginning to have trouble feeding Ellie with a spoon. Apparently the little rebel has been swatting at it and prefers to finger feed herself. The nerve! She does great with cheese, raspberries, blueberries, waffles, Cheerios. I could go on and on (as I’ve mentioned before, the girl enjoys eating). The one thing she will take on a spoon no problem is yogurt. She adores yogurt. She sees it and she shrieks and shakes. This baby must have the cleanest, most in balance G.I. tract on the planet. By the way, the caregiver told me that yesterday Ellie saw her bowl of yogurt and said "Yeah" which I think is her official first word.

I asked the caregiver, when do babies stop eating baby food? She said between nine and twelve months most babies begin to eat mostly finger food.

Oh. Once again, the first time mom thing kicks in. I seem to recall that Leo ate baby food for a long time. But I also thing I have been clinging to the jar food thing out of convenience. Leo did not attend daycare until much later. With him I had a lot more time to plan/cook meals. I mean I made my own baby food for him if that tells you what my schedule was like during his babyhood. It’s so much easier to throw a jar of fruit and a jar of veg into Ellie’s bag (along with string cheese, yogurt, a waffle and cut fruit). I know if she’s getting two jars a day she’s getting A Meal. Also, I do much better with feeding both of them at home. It's hard to get creative when packing lunches. I find myself on auto-pilot. For Leo it's frozen Trader Joe's cheese pizzas. Frozen waffles. Alternating days of Veggie Booty and Veggy sticks. Cut apple. I know there is more out there.

And did I mention I just bought two cases of Earth’s Best?

I asked the caregiver what I should start sending instead of jars (it’s when I ask questions like this that I feel like a complete Mom Moron). She rattled off a whole list: elbow macaroni, cheese sandwiches (as a kid I think I lived on cheese sandwiches for a good five years), cream cheese and jelly sandwiches (yum!), chicken nuggets (ugh). And I know, I know, at this point she can pretty much eat what we eat.

I’ll try to use up the aforementioned two cases of baby food I bought (they are probably sitting on my porch as we speak, ordered from Diapers.com. I had a coupon--hey-for those interested it’s $10 off and free shipping on orders of $50 or more-code: cookie2). I am trying a new diaper, Nature Babycare-in order to get the free shipping I had to spend at least $50. Has anyone tried Nature Babycare? Liked them? They supposedly break down more efficiently than other diapers and don’t use the harsh chemicals.

I guess I need to start getting a bit more creative with Ellie food-wise. For someone who loves to cook as much as I do I feel like Leo eats too much of the same thing. Fish sticks. Scrambled eggs. Waffles. Last night I got him to eat some vegetable dyed pasta with butter and Parm (who lives the life?) but only if I clapped and said “yay” every time he took a bite. Seriously. If I didn’t clap he would wave his hand at me as if to say Hello? Aren’t you forgetting something? Ellie tried some of the pasta but she wasn’t all that interested.

I see a trip to Trader Joe’s in my future this weekend. I needed to go anyway.

Big Kid Leo, I'm A Big Sap Again, Invisible Fat Moons and Bad TV

Work is busy this week and I’m still feeling sleep deprived even though (not to jinx it by saying it here) Leo has managed to sleep to almost 6:30 a.m. two days in a row. I am resorting to bullets because my thoughts feel scattered.

-Two mornings in a row Leo has woken up and come downstairs by himself. I hear him stirring in his room (he likes to move furniture around. Don’t ask) hence his room looks a bit like a prison cell—bed, basket of books. That’s it. A few minutes later I can hear him breathing as he walks carefully downstairs and then he appears in the kitchen, a big smile on his face. Who is this little boy? Where is my toddler?

-Yesterday was Leo’s last day of the regular school year. He will begin a summer program at the same school in the beginning of July and it runs for about six weeks. They had a “graduation” program at his school, which I was not able to attend (to be fair he wasn’t really graduating and if he had been of course I’d have been there in my finest).

They sent home a gift from the teachers as well as two CDs, a school “mix” (with great hits like “the ABC song”) and a photo CD. I played the photo CD last night and Oh My Gawd. Is there anything more tear inducing than pictures of little kids with Down syndrome set to sappy music like “Ever Ever After” by Carrie Underwood and “Wherever You Will Go” by The Calling? I mean I totally lost it right there in the study, tears streaming down my face as I saw images of Leo and his classmates throughout the school year. There was Leo in his Super Elmo Halloween costume. There was William (a friend of Leo’s) at the zoo field trip. There was David (a classmate) playing baseball with the help of the P.T.

We are having a birthday party for Leo this summer and I plan on inviting everyone in Leo’s class (there are about eight total). I am looking forwarding to seeing them all in action and connecting with the parents.

-Leo has been extra affectionate lately. I don’t know what it’s about but I am not going to question it. He will come over to me and just put his head on my leg and pat me. Then he will go back to playing or whatever it is he was doing (probably torturing the dog).

-The weather has been lovely here. Dry and not too warm. Thank you for not being humid; whoever is responsible for this, I appreciate it.

-I saw on the news last night that it was a full moon and it was supposed to appear ”unusually large.” I was really looking forward to this but it was cloudy and so there was no view of any moon, not to mention an unusually large one. Did anyone else get to see it? I love those big, fat, eerie, unreal looking moons. They seem to happen more in autumn. I guess the clouds are also responsible for the cool weather so I really shouldn’t complain.

-One of the best parts of my day is in the evening, after I’ve done all the chores (straightened up kitchen, sorted laundry, put away toys), taken my shower, and the kids are sleeping. I get into bed to watch a little television. I don’t think I am asking for much but Holy Crap when did summer television get this bad? I know it’s always been less than riveting but when I was a kid it was reruns. When your options are Celebrity Circus, So You Think You Can Dance and Supernanny (I know some moms like this show but I find it stressful and too much like watching real life though it does make me feel like my kids are absolute angels), well let’s just say I’d take old episodes of the "Facts of Life" any day. Did I mention fall is my favorite season? And not just because of the television. And the fat moons.

One caveat. The new season of Flipping Out started this week. I just love this show. I don’t know why. Is it because Jeff Lewis is the bitch that I always wish I could be? Is it because he embraces his OCD-ness? Also Project Runway starts a new season in July. So there is hope.

Touched.

Call me a sap but this story got me all choked up. Married after being together over 50 years. Mazel Tov!

Still more vacation photos

Index to photos:

-View of where we would have eaten lunch if it hadn't been so cold (63 degrees!). Also both kids were napping in the car. So we ate lobster rolls and tuna sandwiches (Erin made endless fun of me for this but what can I say, I like tuna) without them. Oh darn.

-The obligatory Mystic drawbridge shot.

-Leo and the Humpback Whale.

-Leo and his penguin friends.

Vacation Photos

Here's a selection of photos from the weekend. We left Saturday morning and got back very late Sunday night. It felt like we were gone for a long time, but in a good way. It felt restorative to get away. I felt relaxed. I think a change of scenery is almost always a good thing.

Some highlights of the weekend:

-Swimming with the kids right after we checked in on Saturday afternoon. The both laughed and howled and it was the first time Ellie had ever been in a pool (not counting baby pool).

-The Mystic Aquarium. Always a great time. I had forgotten how breathtaking it is to be so close to all those creatures. The humpback whale that greets you right after the entrance is pretty impressive! (see photo of Leo).

-Laughing so hard with Erin that I cried.

-Leo having time to bond with his penguins. He loves penguins (one of the cutest things ever is seeing him do the sign for penguin).

-Snuggling in bed with my two adorable kids (Leo was super cuddly this weekend).

-Reading a magazine, drinking coffee and then just staring at a wall while Ellie napped and Erin took Leo swimming Sunday morning.

-Just hanging out with the kids in the hotel room Sunday morning while Erin had to do some work. They got along so well and I found it relaxing to be with them somewhere other than home. The view of the water from our room was relaxing. Water is good. We need to live closer to it.

-The best pizza I've ever had at this restaurant. We were on our way out of town last night and needed to get dinner. We stopped for gas and I asked the guy in the store for a recommendation for a good pizza place. Without missing a beat he recommended Angie's and Oh. My. Gawd. Don't laugh, I'm serious. And maybe the best part was that since the dining room was full they had us eat in the bar. It was like a clean, friendly dive bar. It even had a juke box. A really good one. Erin played Tim McGraw and Hank Williams (ignoring my pleas for the Pixies and Michael Jackson and Oasis--that to me is a juke box music but no matter). We even ordered a pitcher of root beer. If that's not the cherry on a great weekend I don't know what is.

Vacation Photo

A picture is truly worth a thousand words. Now this is what I call a vacation photo.

Time.

We went to Mystic, Connecticut for the weekend.

I couldn't help but think about this time last year. It was pretty much exactly a year ago we made the same trip. Stayed at the same fabulous hotel. We had just bought our new car (it was our first road trip in it). We hadn't yet had the pleasure of making a certain Miss Ellie's acquaintance.

Pictured above, last year I sat on this same bench, hugely pregnant with Ellie, while Erin took Leo to the Birds of the Outback exhibit at the aquarium (you can see the bird exhibit in the background of the photo). This year I sat holding in my lap an adorable, almost one-year-old baby! Where does the time go? I mean really. Cause this whole time flies thing is getting ridiculous.

What I will never understand is how certain days just drag. The difficult times, they just seem to take forever. But the good times? They go way too fast. You turn around and it's July 4. And then you close your eyes and it's Thanksgiving. Time is at once eternal and fleeting.

To borrow the words from one of my favorite plays:

"You cannot imagine how time ... can be ... so still. It hangs. It weighs. And yet there is so little of it."

To come, more pictures of the trip. And me not being so existential. We had a great time.

Positive Reinforcement

As I mentioned earlier this week, Ellie has a little cold. It doesn't seem serious, she is just a little cranky. Not her usual happy, easy-going self (to be fair even a sick Ellie is a pretty sweet baby). She has no fever, just a nasty kind of smoker's cough. I have felt bad about going to work every day this week, leaving her at daycare when I'm sure she'd like nothing more than to stay home with her feet on the couch and watch DVRed episodes of Top Chef (Oh wait, that's me). Seriously though, I think she'd like some mommy time. Some extra cuddling and rocking in her favorite rocker.

Tomorrow the guys are coming to put in our backyard fence (at long last! hurrah!). They have asked that I "be around" in case any questions come up. This means that oh darn I will have to take the day off from work.

I just spoke with Ellie's primary caregiver at the daycare and she is indeed still "not herself." Coughing, not eating in her usual voracious manner. But still smiling. Still playing. Still being Ellie. The caregiver had assured me all week that she didn't seem sick enough to warrant me keeping her home. But still. The guilt.

I told her caregiver that I thought I would keep Ellie home tomorrow since I will be home anyway. I think she needs some quiet time (would you want to go to daycare when you had a cold?) Her caregiver's response:

"You're such a good mom."

I don't know why but this made my day. I guess even moms need positive reinforcement. I hardly ever hear this. It sounds silly but it meant so much to me. Maybe because this caregiver is a mom herself and she is older, older than even my mom would be if she were still alive. I think I seek out maternal figures in older women a bit. I seek their approval. It's not concious but I know that I do it. I feel better when they tell me I'm doing the right thing, that I made the right decision, since I can't just call my mom up and ask her what she would do.

Shout Out to Babytalk

I realized in my comment about Babytalk magazine that I forgot to mention that this publication did something great last year which was feature a baby with Down syndrome on the cover, along with this article about having a baby with DS. Boy could I have used that issue back in the fall of 2004 when I was suffering from the Only One Syndrome (I'm the only one that has a kid with DS).

Coincidentally (I happen to think it was absolutely not a coincidence, actually) Leo was featured in Babytalk, back in 2006 (again, I have a connection). It was not a story about Down syndrome, Leo was just modeling some musical toys. He had a blast (what can I say, he has been a ham from the start). I like to think that it was his charm and charisma that got the editors to think about doing something a bit more substantial about DS. And what do you know, a year later, they did.

Pictured above, Leo in Babytalk at about 22 months.

She Talks! She Dances!

Ellie is saying “yeah.” She has an adorable high pitched voice and she says “yeah” in a sing-songy way, sometimes to herself, as we’re driving and she’s kicking her legs happily in her car seat. Sometimes “yeah” is in response to something she enjoys, like the sight of me holding a bag of frozen blueberries or Veggie Booty. I can’t get enough of the cute little Ellie “yeahs.” Sometimes she and Leo will have “yeah” conversations, back and forth.

Ellie is also dancing. She will dance upon request. I discovered this the other day when I was holding her and I went to turn on the news on the radio. The music NPR sometimes plays between segments came on and immediately Ellie shook her shoulders and bobbed her head. I started laughing and she looked at me and smiled. I said “Ellie, are you dancing?” And she danced again. Oh my goodness the cuteness!

Leo the Male Model

Leo had a photo shoot for a national magazine last week. It wasn’t a paid gig or anything like that (let's just say I have a connection) and don’t get concerned, I’m not about to throw it all away to become a stage mom. I hope it works out and they got something they can use (I’ll make sure to post a link to it if/when it happens). I think it’s great for everyone when “special needs” kids are featured in mainstream media and the story has nothing to do with the kid’s “issue.” It’s just a photo of a kid doing his or her thing and it’s great for the world to see and it’s great for moms (particularly new moms) to see their kid isn’t the Only One. That they are not the only one. I remember after Leo was born getting my obligatory free copy of Babytalk magazine and none of the babies looked like my baby. It was painful.

More on the photo shoot. I was nervous even though I promised myself I would try to be cool. I had the whole Down syndrome Ambassador thing stuck in my head again. I wanted Leo to be cute. And sweet. And funny. And to follow directions. And to be the Down syndrome poster child so that all the photo editors and stylists and assistants didn’t talk about us when we left and say Oh My Goodness what were we thinking asking that kid to do this he was so badly behaved!

Thankfully I think it went fine. In fact, it went way better than I expected (maybe that’s the key—have no expectations so whatever the outcome you are not disappointed). Leo was charming and mostly cooperative and much to my surprise, he even sort of followed directions! My favorite moment came before the shoot even began. We were sitting with one of the photo editors while they were readying Leo’s set (Leo had a set!). There were crayons and a big pad of paper to keep the kid models occupied and Leo settled right down to draw. I was chatting with this editor and at one point she looked down at Leo and said “Leo just wrote his name!” I looked over and sure enough, there it was clear as day in green crayon, “Leo.”

I beamed. That’s my guy.

Then she asked me how old he was. She said her four year old could barely right her name.

I think what was so satisfying about this was that it wasn’t one of those situations where I was trying to get Leo to perform. He just did it on his own accord.

Sometimes Leo impresses me when I least expect it. Sometimes I think I don’t give him enough credit.

Hot Time Summer in the….Suburbs

I’m sure you’ve all heard how hot it’s been for the last few days on the east coast. Our town has a pool (that sounds so John Cheever but it’s true). In fact, if you’ve seen this movie, you’ve seen our pool. It was filmed there (creepy, creepy movie. Felt like I needed to shower after seeing it). Anyway we went to the town pool for the first time on Saturday and had a great time. I see such a change in Leo from last year. Last summer he was so much more of a baby. This summer I can see that we can sit on a blanket and watch him play in the baby pool (a mere few feet away, but still) as opposed to having to shadow his every move. Ellie seemed to like the baby pool too, cruising around the edge and exploring.

Sunday it was too hot to go anywhere. So the pool came to us. We used the handy dandy electric pump (great invention) and blew up our gifted pool (see Friday’s entry) in about ten minutes. Leo was so excited he actually jumped in before it even had water in it. He also loved the whole filling it up with water process (see photos) but had a hard time keeping the hose in the pool. Because flooding the deck is so much more fun!

Ellie was not herself on Sunday. Teething, whiney, maybe a little cold? She was content to sit on the blanket and do a lot of toy chewing. I think there was something on my camera lens because all the photos from the weekend have a fuzzy, dream- like quality.

I think there are going to be a lot of pictures like this in the next few months. Backyard. Pool. Hopefully not with a dirty lens though.

See that falling down fence in the background? Kiss it goodbye. We have a date with the fence company, Friday morning, Baby. Ruby is about to become an outside dog and I’m readying the chair with the drink holder. Once that fence is up we are living in that backyard.

Leo = Rooster

When did Leo start to feel it was necessary to wake at dawn? To be our in-home rooster? Gah! I am OVER it. I thought kids were supposed to sleep later as they got older. I thought maybe Ellie's 5 a.m.-ish wake-ups were waking Leo, but no. For this morning Ellie didn't make a peep at her usual time but Leo, well Leo woke me with a start. At 5:30 a.m. And did I mention I have the day off today? So I was all set to let us all sleep in. Until the decadent hour of maybe 7 a.m.

My rooster son had other ideas.

How on earth can a person so small have so much energy at such an early hour? There was Leo stuffing the pillows in the laundry hamper. There was Leo slamming all the doors and turning on lights. There was Leo pushing the bedroom rug under the bed. And there I was, fumbling for the remote, trying to see the "On Demand" prompts on the television, without my glasses. Please Dora, please, help me out.

I suppose getting an early start to the day has its advantages. So far today I have shopped for the week (am excited to finally make gazpacho!), bought an electric pump for the blow-up pool my friend Stephanie bought us (it's supposed to be humid and in the 90s this weekend), made the bed (never do this on week days!) and eaten a terrific junk food lunch (I am too embarassed to admit but let's just most days I have salad for lunch). Not today. Next up: baking cookies for the kids' daycare family picnic tonight. And yes, I am home, alone. No kids. Thus explains the unusual productivity.

Three day weekends rule.

Birthday Party. Questions.

Saturday I took the kids to a birthday party by myself. The daughter of a friend of mine from the mom’s group I was in when Ellie was a newborn turned one (how is that the babies are turning one?). The party was held at a building within a park, adjacent to a playground. I knew as soon as I saw the playground that we would not be going inside to the party. When Leo sees a play structure it is pretty much over. He loves him a good playground.

I was a little disappointed since I had been alone with the kids all day (Erin had to fly to New Orleans at the last minute for a funeral—don’t even get me started on the sadness that is the death of a 39-year-old mother of three to breast cancer). When I’m alone with the kids all day I usually try to schedule at least one “event,” that is, one thing that the day is centered around. Well this birthday party was the “event” and it was looking like my one chance at a social interaction for the day with someone over the age of three was going to end up being me sitting on a bench watching Leo play, bouncing Ellie on my knee.

Don’t get me wrong--I like watching Leo play. I like watching him try to figure out how to move his body. He is very daring and adventurous but he’s not impractical or unrealistic. He knows his limits and he’s very good about asking for help when he needs it. It’s rare that he gets himself into a situation on a structure that he can’t get out of. He’s big into ladders and rock walls right now which is great, but I don’t really trust him on these by himself. I have to hover a bit, which I think annoys him and I don’t love it either. Now that Ellie is officially way too big for the Bjorn (threw out my back last week and learned that lesson the hard way) taking the two of them to the playground myself is a little challenging. Also, Ellie wants to climb all over the structures herself and she is definitely not practical or realistic about what her little body can do.

I pushed Ellie in the swing and I let her climb a bit but I got tired of trying to keep her from eating sawdust and finally she was getting to heavy to carry around, so I plopped her in the stroller, completely expecting her to start whining and squirming. To my surprise she sat there quite content to watch her brother and I was relieved to be able to take a short break. After a minute or so, a woman came and sat down next to us. She was watching her daughter who looked to be four or five. I asked the woman if she was here for the party and she said she was. After a few minutes of silence she asked me how old Leo was. I told her he was almost four and she nodded and pointed to her a little boy who was a few play structures away.

“So he’s about the same as mine,” she said, nodding in her son’s direction. “He’s three.”

No, I thought to myself. He’s not the same as yours. He’s a year older. I wondered why she would say something like that when at that age, one year is a pretty big difference. Was she just assuming that because Leo has Down syndrome he’s a year behind? (he is, at least, but that’s beside the point). And then I wondered what I also wonder when people ask me Leo’s age. Are they asking because of the Down syndrome? Are they asking because he’s not speaking in comprehensible (to them) words? Do they even notice the DS?

“My son has autism,” she said.

I nodded. That was when I got it. That was when it all changed. Suddenly I didn’t mind that she compared her son to Leo. Not that Leo has autism but I understood that she was seeing that Leo was different but not as someone who didn’t understand difference. Rather as someone who has been there.

She stood up for a moment and started towards her son who was looking like he might need some help on a ladder. But then a man, the boy’s father I assumed, appeared and so she sat back down.

“He loves the playground,” she said. “We won’t be able to get him out of here for a while.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I was hoping to go the party but I don’t think we’ll be going in for a while. My friend doesn’t even know we’re here yet.”

Moments like these depress me. They make me feel isolated. Why can’t Leo just be a regular almost-four-year-old who walks into a party and joins the group, rather than seeing a playground and becoming completely transfixed by it, unable to do anything else but Play. But then I have to remind myself; it’s not necessarily the Down syndrome, stupid. How many typical 3 ½ -year-olds give a hoot about a birthday party? It’s the playground all the way, baby.

“Leo, do you want to go inside and eat some cake?” I called. No response. I was trying to think of a way to get him inside the building because seriously, my friend didn’t even know we’d arrived and since I’d gotten lost getting to the party we were ridiculously late. The party was practically over.

“Mine travels with his own cake,” the woman said, as her little boy toddled in our direction. He was holding an upside down, topless chocolate cupcake which he had smeared all over his cheeks and yellow t-shirt.

Eventually, we did get to go inside. The cake was gone but Leo got a balloon, a shiny pink Mylar one, which he adored (later he would let go of it in the parking lot but for a moment it was his and he loved it). He hugged my friend’s husband at the knees when he gave it to Leo. Friend’s husband called out to the remaining partygoers, “Look at Leo, I gave him a balloon and he hugged me! I love Leo!”

That was a good moment. That’s when I think about how Leo is living up to his reputation as the cute kid with Down syndrome. But what about when we finally had to leave and I had to carry him out kicking and screaming, balancing him on one hip while I pushed Ellie’s stroller with one hand. That was not a good moment. He would. not. walk. He went, as I like to call, "boneless." It’s not fair to Leo to expect him to be the Down syndrome ambassador, always on his best, cute behavior. But I’d be lying if I said I don’t hope that he will be. I go back to my earlier thought, that plenty of typical 3 ½ year olds don’t attend parties gracefully. Why should I expect Leo to? He doesn’t always have to be cute. He doesn’t always have to be giving hugs. But some of the people at the party have never met anyone with Down syndrome, and they may never meet anyone again. Leo will be it. The one. That’s a lot of pressure for a 3-½ year old.

The Start of Summer

The beginning of summer in these parts (well, northwestern New Jersey to be exact but we make the drive there every year) is the crawfish festival.

Last year I was hugely pregnant and Leo was a wandering, uncontainable toddler. This year we got wise. I decided to attend not pregnant and with Ellie on the outside (much more enjoyable for us both, I think it's safe to say). And we brought a tent to contain our now two children. The kids seemed to think the tent was great fun. Leo got to drink his own smoothie and he even ate crawfish bread (we called it pizza and that was fine by him) and his current staple, Veggie Booty. Ellie was happy eating Gerber sweet potato puffs (more like spilling them all over the tent, but no matter). We listened to fabulous zydeco and ate delicious crawfish pie and Po' Boys. Pretty much if it had crawfish in it, we ate it. Oh and this year I got to have a beer. That was nice.

But the best part of the crawfish festival has to be the eating of the snowballs. For those who have not had the pleasure, a snowball is a New Orleans treat. It’s sort of a shaved ice concoction (yet it is so not shaved ice) topped with a delicious syrup that comes in a variety of flavors (like pineapple or cherry) poured over the top. I know what you are thinking. Snow cone. But it is so much more than a snow cone. When it’s hot you feel like you can eat five in a row. And sometimes you do. Yesterday I think we had five total between the two of us (to be fair, Leo ate his share and Ellie was eyeing it with serious interest. Next year honey). We left the festival close to dinner time sunburned and sweaty with strollers weighed down with children, bags, chairs, the tent and yet we still found a way to also carry two snowballs. They are that good.

From the photos it looks like all we did was eat. Well there was a lot of eating. But we also walked around and people watched and Leo enjoyed music by the Swingset Mamas at the kid's tent. He danced a good amount and I could tell he enjoyed himself as he tried to hug the lead singer at least twice. While she was singing. And playing guitar. At least she was a good sport about it. Did I mention Leo is big into hugging right now?

Welcome summer 2008!

Farm Animals

Leo has been exhibiting some very adorable “play skills” lately. He is really into figures (like Fisher Price Little People) and especially animals. I am loving (and so is he, apparently) these farm animals I picked up from the $1 bin at Target (I heart the $1 Target bin). The novelty of new toys wears off pretty quickly but you can’t argue when a toy costs $1. And to think I saw some figures similar to these at Pottery Barn Kids a few weeks ago for something like $20. I am not kidding.

I love how he lines all his guys up. I like to watch him while he’s not looking. I imagine the stories that he is coming up with in his head.