Whatever Gets You Through the Day

Breaking news: No tears this morning! From either one!

Friday Leo boarded the bus without struggle and crying (it was the third day of school and the first no-tears morning). I think it helped that he climbed the steps of the bus all by himself, he didn’t feel rushed. Also, I tried something new-Ellie and I walked with Leo, hand-in-hand to meet the bus. They both seemed to love this.

Today we had a repeat of no tears again, though there appeared to be a bit of a struggle to get him into his car seat on the bus (he is slower than molasses and likes to do things independently but I get that the bus can’t wait for him). I’m thinking another contribution to this morning’s success was the fact that Leo was wearing a super hero cape and carrying a magic wand. Hey, whatever gets you through the day.

Ellie was not happy on Friday (plenty of tears) but this morning she didn’t cry AT ALL. I left her sitting at the tiny table, at the daycare eating her pancakes. I’ll admit, she had a look of misery on her face, but did I mention there was no crying? That has to mean something. And also? She let me put her hair in pigtails, so she might have looked miserable, but she looked adorable and miserable. The pigtail thing is BIG, folks. We’ve been talking a lot about barrettes since she’s sprouted these pretty major bangs (more like a Farrah Fawcett flip, really). I let her pick out something to put in her hair this morning and hair bands it was.

OK, lest you think this blog has turned into “How did Leo and Ellie do going to school/daycare this morning?” (cue the snores) let’s move on.

Apropos of nothing, some pictures I've wanted to post but haven't been able to fit in a post. So here goes.

Down on the farm (we took a drive towards Pennsylvania during Labor weekend). Could Leo be any happier? (you have to click to enlarge the photo, really his smile says it all). Also, this cow was so friendly, he was like a dog.
Ellie and the dahlia field (the farm had a u-pick flower section).

The kids got silly on the drive into Manhattan a few weeks ago (the two days spent at my company daycare went well, by the way). But during the the drive in, it was shoes off, splits city.


Ellie pointing out the fountain in front of the building where I work. She's fascinated by anything related to water these days.


Wearing a cape and carrying a magic wand is really nothing unusual for Leo-he loves to dress up (extra points if he makes you laugh in his get-up). Here's Leo waiting to greet a guest at home: (note the tutu-as-collar, Easter hat and maraca in hand).

Lastly, and completely off topic...I'm not crazy about the route I have to walk to get to my office every day, but the best part is unquestionably when I walk through the theater district (it's as close as I get to a Broadway show these days). I love when a new show is opening and they are busily unpacking huge boxes of equipment, lighting and sets for the new production. I can't imagine what a complicated process that must be. And also, Jude Law on Broadway as Hamlet? Hmmm.

What I'm Thinking About Today

-I am in constant fear that I am wearing two shoes of different colors (i.e. one brown, one black. It’s been done before and I got all the way to work before I realized my mistake.) It happened this morning where I had a panic at the bus stop but luckily once again I was safe (two black shoes). It is bound to happen again though.

-I am confused by how it’s possible to mix-up Leo’s backpack with another child’s since his is MONOGRAMMED with his NAME on it. And yes, I’m shouting. This happened yesterday. One of the bus ladies gave Leo's bag to another family. Also wondering why this other family didn't um, say anything? It wouldn't have been that big of a deal except that Leo had medicine in his bag that he needed last night.

-I’m annoyed that Leo’s school needs a note from is doctor just for them to administer eye drops. I get that they have “procedures” but we’re talking about eye drops here, folks. And I gave them a note in writing. The doctor has more clout than the parent? Guess so.

-Hoping that Leo’s teacher/one of the class aides made sure his face was clean and snot free for the school pictures today. Wishing he didn’t have a military buzz cut for said photo but oh well.

-I’m worried Ellie might have croup. Or at least is on her way to another cold. She was up in the middle of the night with a barky cough last night. I guess we’re due. It’s been what, two weeks since she’s stayed home from daycare?

-When I picked Ellie up at daycare yesterday she had her paci, even though I have asked them not to give it to her unless she’s napping. They said she was fussy and that she seemed comforted by it. I wonder how often she is fussy and wonder also if I’m deluding myself into thinking she is happy being in daycare. Not that there is much I can do about this. Sigh.

-Speaking of, I am a sigher. I have really become one. My mom used to sigh a lot and it drove me crazy for some reason. I’m not sure why. Now I totally get why she did it.

-Not believing that I’m about to turn 36.

Funny, if it Wasn’t So Pathetic

This morning was definitely a moment where I should have indulged in some laughter rather than tears over the absurdity of the situation.

We all overslept (before you get too excited it was until 6:30 a.m.). Well I didn’t exactly sleep in. Ellie woke up at 5 a.m., I went to her to pat and insert pacifier and she went right back down. I sort of dozed for the next hour in the blue light of the room (I love how the snow makes everything inside brighter, even at night). Woke up with a certain little boy’s feet in my face. I knew that I should get up but decided we all deserved a little extra sleep.

I told myself not to get too cranky about being behind schedule (I did nothing the night before so there were breakfasts and lunches to be made) and I was torn about whether I should have Leo (aka Slow Eat Tiny Bit Taker) eat his breakfast at home or at daycare. With most of the deadlines finally met at work and it being Inauguration Day I was pretty sure work would be a little more casual than usual, in other words it would not be the end of the world if I took the later bus. I even fantasized about the ultimate treat: stopping at Dunkin Donuts after I dropped the kids off.

The morning preparations mostly went off pretty smoothly. I dressed Ellie in one of my favorite sort of outfits: a jean mini skirt and leggings. Leo turned off Noggin and let me help him with his coat without too much cajoling or violence. But then he bolted into the neighbor’s yard, mesmerized by the snow blower. As he did this, I was buckling Ellie into the car seat, so I left her half buckled in (safe, but still only half buckled) to retrieve Leo before he made it to the street.

There was a struggle to get Leo into his car seat (because really, why would he want to get into his car seat when he could play in the snow--you can't really blame him). There was spit up on my black wool coat from Leo who I allowed, against my better judgement, seconds on strawberry smoothie (he spit up until he was nearly three-years-old and he still does, certain things like, um, smoothie.)

I’m almost there, I chanted to myself. I’m almost there. Where’s “there?” you ask? To the bus. To work. Away from the whining. Away from the needing. I love my children. I adore them. I didn’t know I could love two people so much that it scares me, the way I love them. I crave their smell sometimes. I love the way Ellie has a little swath of dark, downy fur between her shoulder blades (sorry Ellie). I love that Leo smells like toast and I love his pudgy, soft, catcher’s mit shaped hands. But sometimes, I really need to get away from them both.

And this morning, I really, really needed a break.

Ten minutes after the snow blower/near darting into the street incident, we arrived at daycare. And five minutes later I overheard a parent chatting with the director about Monday, you know, yesterday? Martin Luther King Jr. Day? The legal holiday that I had off of work and that I just assumed (here’s where I’m an idiot as I should know by now never ever to assume ANYTHING when it relates to kids) would close the daycare, the same daycare that closes for Freaking Columbus Day. Yeah, never heard of that holiday either until I moved east.

The daycare was open yesterday.

Oh, I’m sorry. Did you not catch that?

THE DAYCARE WAS OPEN YESTERDAY.

My face grew hot. I felt rage as I listened to this overheard conversation. And of course the rage I felt could only be directed at me, because if I had just read the schedule… But still, the day off that I didn’t get rushed by me in my mind. There was a nap, a matinee of “Marley & Me” (I know, I know, corny, but I read the book and you know how much I enjoy a good cry and the sight of puppies). There was a long walk with just the poor damn dog who never ever gets walked anymore. There was some sort of organizational project that would get worked on uninterrupted, which I always seem to get myself involved in when I have a day off. I might have even mopped my movie theateresque sticky kitchen floors. Or maybe I would just lay on the couch all day watching all the DVRed shows that are bursting nearly beyond capacity.

And then of course, came the shame. The shame that I could be furious that I missed the opportunity to spend a day away from my kids.

It was probably just as well that Ellie was home yesterday as it gave her one more day to hopefully get over whatever little bug she’s been fighting (she was fine yesterday and this morning, save for the runny nose).

I think it’s the culmination of all of it. Leo not sleeping well, Leo not sleeping in his own bed, the obsession with television, the never ending calls for “Dee-Dee,” the UNBELIEVABLE (and yes, I’m screaming here) whiney phase that my daughter is in right now. And the opinions, oh my god does she have opinions. The indecision of an 18-month old—she says she wants smoothie, I make her one and no, no, she really wanted juice. Oy. As an isolated incident it doesn't sound like such a big deal. It's the cumulative affect, I assure you.

Maybe it's coming off of the recent near two week stay-at-home winter break fest. I feel like I sound supremely ungrateful right now. I am so grateful for them, I really am. But sometimes I just want to take a nap, go to a movie by myself, organize a linen closet and stare at a wall. I guess I should reread this post when I am waxing on sentimentaly about the being a stay at home mom and missing my kids.

Geez, what a downer of a post for such an exciting, momentous and long awaited day (I felt like I should have baked red white and blue cupcakes and brought them to work or something). Well, I feel better having just spouted all this. I think I just need to get it out there. And also, Erin just informed me she is sweetly bringing home free, Italian take-out from a wonderful restaurant in the city, so there's that to look forward to. Food always makes things a little better.

Edited to add: The daycare is also closed on Good Friday and it's not a religious school, it just happens to be in a church. Hmphf.