An end. Sniff.

Today is bittersweet. I decided to stop pumping at work for Ellie. Don’t get me wrong, I hated pumping (who likes it?). But to me it signals she is officially not a newborn anymore (yea I know, she hasn’t been one for a while). Milestones like this are always a little funny for me. We also moved her (finally!) out of her infant car seat over the weekend. That was another sniff. It was beginning to be ridiculous (and really, who pumps for a ten month old? Me, I guess). In the beginning I was almost able to keep up with her, producing 2-2 ½ bottles a day. Then, somewhere it shifted and I was pumping twice a day and getting like three ounces. I had a goal to make it to one year but she’s going to be eleven months and that’s only a month away. I already feel freer. I hadn’t realized how much my day had revolved around pumping. I am still going to breast feed (or at least I hope to, providing my supply doesn’t completely go to heck). I was able to do this with Leo (work all day and just nurse him in the mornings and evenings without pumping). Let’s hope the boobs cooperate again.

I’m taking Leo in for a sick visit this afternoon-we think he might another ear infection, and I’m going to ask the doctor about starting Ellie on cow’s milk. They say twelve months but she’s only one month away. Seems doable but we’ll see what he says. I’ve never loved that she had to do formula, even the organic kind.

Cribs and Books and Big Plans for the Food Processor

I’m a little late on notes from the weekend it being Wednesday already. Really, where does the time go? Here are some bullets:

-We moved the crib into the guest room which is now I guess heretofore “Ellie’s room.” I am afraid to even put this in writing for fear I will jinx things but each night she was in there, things got better. And last night, drumroll please…she slept from 9:30pm to 5:45 am. Straight through. Yes it’s true. Of course I woke up multiple times because I have been doing this since I was six months pregnant, but that should pass soon, right? Oh happy day! Keep up the good work Ellie! This morning when I went to get her she was awake in her crib, sitting up and smiling and yes, reading a book. It was freaking adorable. Monday morning, the morning after the first night that she slept so well I went into her room singing Kelly Clarkson's "Miss Independance." I don't know what came over me but it just seemed appropriate.

-This may be too much information but I am really struggling with the pumping (OK this is not really a weekend subject but it’s on my mind). It’s not that I want to wean Ellie—I don’t mind nursing at all since I am pretty much only doing it twice a day now (once in the morning and once before bed). It’s that when I pump I get hardly anything. I went from being able to produce almost three bottles to two and now I’m lucky if I get one. Her one year birthday is two months away. I tell myself it doesn’t matter what I get as long as it’s something—a little breast milk is better than no breast milk (I can still hear Leo’s NICU nurses with their sage advice). OK, I will press on and not worry how much I get. Plus I’m afraid if I stop pumping altogether I won’t be able to nurse and then how the heck will I get Ellie to sleep?

-Books. I finished Road Map to Holland in like three days which is good for me (since I am a slow reader and also only get to read during the commute to work.) Next up is The Book of Dahlia which I heard about when the author was interviewed on Fresh Air. Wow. The first chapter blew me away. It’s about a slacker who finds out she has brain cancer. One of the reviews summed it up nicely: “Should we mourn a wasted life?” Quite a departure from the Holland book. I’m really enjoying reading books again. I feel like this new found thing called sleep is helping me return to the person I was once was. With interests! I have even been daydreaming about all the things I want to cook and bake. That is not so unusual except I’m hoping that not being so exhausted will allow me to actually make some of them (lemon bars, pumpkin bread and pesto, gazpacho, salsa). Can you tell that someone has a new food processor?

-In Leo and Ellie notes, Leo has moved on from telling the dog to go “Away” to now telling Ellie to go “Away!” He does it a lot in the car and he can get pretty loud and mean sounding. He’s caused her to burst into tears several times. I hate yelling at him, but I also hate seeing Ellie cry. I know that he has some hostility towards her (understandably) but it’s also my responsibility to make her feel safe. I am probably over thinking this.

Meanwhile, Ellie is cruising everywhere. I find it ironic to think about how all I wanted was for Leo to walk and with Ellie I am just appreciating each day that she doesn’t walk. She loves to have her hands held while you walk with her. She finds it hilarious and grins the biggest smile you’ve ever seen. She has taken to looking up at me and grinning when I walk with her, which makes it difficult for her to walk.

-The Bouncy Chair and Infant swing have been retired (and as mentioned earlier, the crib is now out of our bedroom). It is bittersweet to see my little baby growing up, to see this end of infancy. I know, I know. She hasn’t gotten her own apartment. Yet.

Pictured above, Leo and Ellie test drive the new locale of the crib. Please don't call Child Services on us. We think Leo got that mark on his chest from some sort of unfortunate encounter with the carpet at daycare.