Life-y Chaos: Morning Edition

I try really hard to be grumpy in the morning and when sleep comes every night in two and three hour increments (I'm still looking at you Harry) it's not difficult.

But then I emerge, bleary eyed and stumbling, out of the bathroom and into our bedroom, and I see this.

And how can I not smile? It's a ridiculous love fest. It's true.


We're going on seven months with these little people. I keep waiting for Leo and Ellie to show signs of frustration or resentment. It hasn't happened. If anything, their loves just grows more fierce for Harry and Lucy, by the day. Leo has a few new nicknames for Lucy: Depending on his mood it's either "Dr. Lou." or "Mr. Lou." Don't ask.

The other morning, when Harry and I were still asleep, Erin set Lucy down next to a still sleeping Ellie (who had crept into our bed in the middle of the night). You know how people say exactly what they are feeling when they're still half asleep (and therefore filterless)? And since Ellie is completely filterless to begin with when she's conscious, then I think we can all believe her when she rolls over, gazes adoringly into Lucy's tiny blue eyes and says: "Mama, I just love the babies."

But really, if anyone has moments of frustration, it's me. Yesterday, after a morning of loading and unloading the dishwasher, trying to fold at least two of the laundry baskets filled with clean clothes, making a bevy of snacks and pressing "play" on the DVD player a few too many times, I kicked Leo and Ellie out into the backyard for some fresh air. Harry and Lucy were asleep at the same time (a rarity during the day, believe me). I took one look at yet another sink full of dishes and the still unfolded laundry and joined the big kids. The chores could wait.

Outside in the back yard, the light was golden and the air was unseasonably warm, as it has been for the last few months. Armed with the baby monitor resting on the patio table, I pushed Ellie on the swings and then the three of us played Frisbee (more like, continuously picked the Frisbee up off the driveway but I definitely got a workout). The sky started to turn a lovely, early winter bluish, pinkish purple as the sun started its descent. Then Ellie announced she had to go to the bathroom and quickly returned with the report that "two babies are crying." Clearly, the monitor had failed us.

It's funny, for a few brief moments, I sort of forgot about the babies. It felt like the "old days," when I could completely focus my attention on Leo and Ellie and not feel a constant nagging feeling that someone was about to cry or fuss or need something or or or. I won't lie. For a moment, I got grumpy. With the babies, a little. Why did they have to go and ruin a good, blue hour Frisbee game? Well, because they're babies. That's what they do.

And then I had what some might call a "duh" moment. Yeah, it's a little hard right now (though it's so much better than it was and it's just going to keep getting better, I believe this) but you know what? That fun I was having outside with my two "big kids?" There will come a time in that too distant future when there will be four fun kids out there playing Frisbee. Or swinging. Or bickering or whatever, but they won't always be crying and needing to nurse or be held or changed. I'm not trying to wish their babyhood away, believe me. I do my best to appreciate the fleeting baby days as I know they are just that, fleeting. But that doesn't make them any less exhausting.

Apple Picking x Six

I'm happy to report that autumn appears to have blown in here seemingly overnight. Chilly mornings, crisp, cool, golden days, the evenings are coming earlier, and with them, dramatic pink skies. There's finally a need for a jacket or gasp, my personal favorite, cordoroys.

And in celebration, we went apple picking.

We went earlier than ever this year and it was perfect. No crowds. The better to manuever this not so graceful beast.

As everyone knows, we don't travel light these days (if you squint, you can see the other three out of six of us up ahead in this shot).



Twin apples!

I was very happy and relieved with how the day went. It was the first outing of the kind we took with the babies, the first semi-complicated excursion and while some accomodations from previous years had to be made (Erin and I tag-teamed hayrides with the big kids and of course there we were feeding bottles in the middle of the apple orchard). But all in all, everything went swimmingly. As all the twin moms have assured me with their unsolicited though sweet comments as they've seen me, babies screaming in the background, harried at Target or exasperated at the playground, it truly is getting easier (and better!). We can and will do things as six that we did as four.

It's a good thing they didn't weigh Leo and Ellie upon entering the farm because they just kept eating apples and would have surely charged us extra. Nearly every time I tried to take a picture, someone was eating. But imagine how ridiculous I felt, chiding them for eating too many apples. Leo kept threatening to eat "One hundred!"

Just can't stop eating apples!

Harry, a bit concerned with the apple consumption.

Wide Open Spaces


Note the apple picking ensemble that Ellie selected. As my mom would have said: "It's a look."

The day's Booty.

Just Jump Right In

So here we are. Late summer. The leaves are beginning to fall already (how is that possible?). It seems early for that but I swear they started yesterday. But I'm not complaining.

Leo is on the cusp of second grade. I keep talking about how school is starting soon, the bus is going to start coming again, he'll get to see Mrs L. and his buddy Terry. "No!" he says. Mrs. L. made an adorable end of the year DVD and handed it out in June, a montage of all the fun projects and field trips and lessons (there was Leo on the class trip to the farm, there was Leo making pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, there was Leo planting beans in the school's organic garden). Guess which DVD he's asked to watch over and over and over this summer? Yes, I think he'll be just fine when the little bus pulls up to the house in a few weeks, even though he claims to not want to go back to "big school."


The good news is, his vocabulary seems to be exploding. The bad news? He's getting tougher to understand as words and sentences become more complex. I can only suppose the culprit for this is uncooperative oral tone. I feel like I keep waiting for his speech to get better but it's just not. And he's seven. And there's no more room for excuses. It's breaking my heart and it's frustrating us all. As he gets older, he's less patient with us and I don't blame him. First priority: scheduling a meeting with his school speech therapist, stat, to see if he can get more speech added to his IEP and also maybe supplement with some private therapy. I'm the first to be skeptical about throwing a bunch of therapy at something but hey, it's worth a shot. And what other options do we have? It's our responsibility to help him be the best he can be, to help him be able to connect with the world.

In Ellie news, I just signed her up for three classes (ballet/jazz, swimming and gymnastics) and I don't know who I think I am, carting around newborn babies in the middle of the day who should be home napping. But I know myself and I know her. We need to be busy. And if she doesn't stop pulling her Mary Lou Retton routine with the couch cushions I'm going to stab myself. This girl needs a tumbling mat.

Speaking of Ellie, she has been such a trooper lately. Both kids have. I keep waiting for some signs of frustration with the babies but seriously you have never seen two more proud and doting older siblings. As I've said before, sometimes they are almost too crazy about the babies. I find myself telling them to leave the babies alone constantly. Leo, especially, makes it his personal mission to soothe a crying baby. If there is a pacifier around, he will try his darndest to get it in and No One Can Stop Him.

The hardest are the evenings, when the babies are crying and overtired (and the grown-ups would often like to cry). Erin is with Leo and I'm with the babies and Ellie is whining for "just one more" back-rub. Bedtimes are as hectic as you can imagine with four and seem to take hours lately. I know it won't always be this way, we'll find our routine. The babies will someday have an actual bedtime and I'll get my quiet, unhurried moments back with the kids (and Erin and myself).




I'm slowly finding my little way on maternity leave as a stay at home mom, trying to figure out how to find meaning in the minutiae, or not (sometimes laundry is just laundry). Mainly I'm just trying to stay in the "now" and enjoy this time. This baby time. It's not going to last. It's so different with two (though I'm sure it would be different with one as well, when there are two older ones to tend to). It feels like there is less time for "bonding." Heck, bonding would be positively luxurious. We're in maintainance mode here. Keep them fed, clean, diapers changed, hopefully not crying too much. Of course there are little windows of snuggle time and one on one and I cherish those.


They are both beginning to smile and coo and do that delightful little baby chatter and it is killing me with the cuteness. They both, upon awakening give me giant smiles and that little look of recognition as if to say, "Hey! I know you! And I like you!"

And there is that little issue of Harry being hungry all the time.

(Thanks to our friends Ben and Lisa for these amazing pictures.) I thought I'd give you all a break from the iPhone photos and give you a little glimpse of our summer (didn't think you'd want pictures of bedtime).

Catch-Up Part 1

We're plugging along over here. I can't believe it's already August and that back to school is around the corner. I think Leo is ready and has been ready for a while. As much as he loves that the bus "brings him home" (the summer school bus, that is, though that ended weeks ago--here's proof of just how behind posting I am) he is a Routine Guy, as well as a guy who needs to be busy. It hasn't been easy for me to keep him as occupied as he might like to be lately (for obvious reasons). Looking at you Harry and Lucy.

But there has been plenty of fun this summer, much of it close to home and backyard related (see above). Nobody seems to mind.

Let's see. What have I been up to?

Well, I went to Costco last week. I didn't buy much, as you can see, as there is not much room to fit anything, even in these ginormous, super-sized warehouse worthy carts.

I made these for Leo's birthday.


I know. Many of them look like Dora has a mustache.

I'm not normally this ambititious when it comes to baking but we kept asking Leo what he wanted for his big day and he would literally answer either "scrambled eggs!" or "Dora cupcakes!" (he saw the recipe on a segment on Nick Jr., the children's television station). The day I made them was a bit of a comedy of errors. Erin took the day off from work and took the big kids out to lunch while I stayed home for Operation Cupcakes. I would get the babies sleeping and literally the second I got to a crucial step in the process, one of them would fuss. Lucy whined through most of the face decoration portion, while Harry cried during the hair. Needless to say that cupcakes were finished, far from perfect, but there was one mighty pleased, newly minted seven-year-old boy who enjoyed every bite.

Oh looky. Babies awake. What a shock. Anyway, I'm alive! I wrote something.

More soon.

Sister Love

My sister Norah and Lucy

Look! Two posts in one day! As Ellie would say, can you even believe it?

My sister Norah was here visiting from Oregon (by way of Korea) last week. I planned on writing about her time with us but was waiting to get the disc of photos she'd taken to help illustrate the post (to make up for my door photo. Ahem.) Also, for some strange reason, I can't blog much lately (and my posts are often stingy...hmm I wonder why?).

In short, we had a great visit. Aunt Norah has a way with the big kiddos (and the littles). We hadn't seen her since her wedding two years ago so the kids had grown up quite a bit. It was so wonderful having them get to know her. She taught them charades, showed undaunting patience in the face of some moments of fierce sibling rivalry and indulged Ellie in plenty of princess talk. She and I stayed up late to watch the season premiere of Breaking Bad and also shared our love of a good (well earned--i.e. took all four kids to the park on a 90+ degree day) glass of wine come 5 o'clock, many a day.

Oh and maybe best of all? Her visit allowed me a pedicure (much needed as the babies came early and I never did do that spa day that was on my pre-delivery to do list). Saint Norah walked up and down a busy, suburban New Jersey avenue, soothing the fussing babies (I'm looking at you, Harry) while I read gossip magazines and sipped a coffee Coolata and just stared at a wall while "Sangria" (really just a fancy term for hot pink) was applied. Ahhhhhh.

There's more to say, but now I don't have to write about our visit because Aunt Norah did a much better than I ever could. The pictures aren't bad either (not that I'm biased of the subjects or anything).

Lazy, Hazy Baby Days of Summer

A common site around here. The pink pillow. Me=passionate breast feeder who looks forward to the day I can burn that pink pillow! Nursing two, while unquestionably worthwhile, is a whole different ballgame. The view from here has changed just slightly.

Both babies are asleep! Leo and Ellie are at school/camp! Quick! Blog!

Let's see.

Where do I even begin? Eyeroll: how many of my posts lately have gone this way?

I MISS you. But these darn kids, I tell you!

I'm working at lowering my standards. It's going OK though others might disagree.

Afternoons are by far the hardest, when the big kids are home and hot and sometimes bored and needing snacks and and and. We're all doing the best we can, it's all we can do.

Not much to say about sleep really. At seven weeks things are better but certainly we have a long way to go.

Harry continues to have horrific spit-up issues. If he's not sleeping or eating, odds are he's crying.

Oh sure he looks mellow here. Don't be fooled. Also who wants to see a picture of a crying baby?

He has tiny windows of placidity but overall, he's one uncomfortable guy. My heart breaks for him. Yesterday I eliminated dairy from my diet to see if that helps. Word is it will take between 24 hours and a week to tell a difference. And being one to not do anything halfway we ALSO started him on Pepcid which was pointed out to me as being silly (to do both, i.e. how will we know which one is doing the trick if in fact his condition improves?).

We were all shocked by how calm he was during a recent bath.

And this is more like it. Perturbed. Poor guy! (But don't you love what the bath does for his hair?)

Anyway, dairy free me. The things we do for love. Sigh. All I know is, half in half in my coffee, I miss you already.

And Lucy's awake. So this is cut short.

I'll just say this. Someday we'll look back on this and laugh and cry and maybe roll our eyes a little. This will be That Summer. I'm quite sure of it. Yup, the summer our kid-load doubled. The summer we added two little cuties. Lost our minds a little, but certainly expanded our hearts.

But as you can see, when things are good, they are very, very good.

How?

How do moms of newborns have time to blog? Am I missing something?

Harry is crying. I need to go pick him up.

Just wanted to say hi.

Hi.

Speaking of Harry, he didn't get the memo. That he's a twin. Not an only child. Oh he's fine, as long as he's on your chest or nursing. Kind of hard to do this constantly, when there are three others.

The constant crying/needs/demands of twins, I admit, makes me feel like a crummy mom. As a mother, your instinct is to comfort. With two, sometimes you can't. You only have so many hands.

But when he looks up at you with those little old man/old soul eyes, you have to smile. Everything is going to be fine.

I know that I need to lower my standards. "Fold Laundry" needs to be all that I accomplish. Also keeping all four children alive and fed and safe is a big one. If that is the case at the end of the day I should feel good, right?

Lowering my standards would make my life so much easier. It's hard for me though. I'm a doer. And a worrier. Are the kids having fun? Are they bored? Do they resent the babies? Are the babies crying too much? Eating enough? Stimulated? (Are one-month olds supposed to be stimulated? I'm awful about tummy time, that much I know). Gah. I know, SHUT UP. Enjoy this time.

In other news, we have a new soundtrack around here.

The big kids love "Harry's Song." And of course, Ellie is a fan of Lucy's (it is, after all, her favorite band).

The other night we had a little impromptu dance party during dinner with our new songs and our new babies and things felt, for a moment, kind of normal.

Of Unfinished To-Do Lists and First Outing With Four (Did Someone Say FOUR Kids?)

Here's a perfect analogy for you. I've been driving a library book around in my car for about three and a half weeks. The babies are almost a month old. Did I mention this library book is about a month overdue? Coincidence? I think not. Yes, it's going to be the world's most expensive children's book.

Sigh.

That pricey little library book, the one that was left behind (under Leo's bed) is perfect proof of my slide toward discombobulation. When I was pregnant and exhausted and beyond irritable, yet still reasonably productive, I went on a house tear, gathering up impending due library books and cleaning out each room of its "extras." I did all the things I figured I wouldn't have time to do once the babies came. I gave away bags and bags of items to a local charity. It was back when I could make a "to do" list and expect to actually conquer a majority of it. There is very little chance I would allow a library book to go overdue (I'm one of those annoying people who likes to play by the "rules" and even more importantly, hates paying a fine of any sort).

Now? All bets are off. I'm lucky if I shower and have food in the house. Yesterday when Ellie came home from school I noticed she had a tinge of pink on her shoulders. Have I been putting sunscreen on her before she leaves in the morning on school days? Nope. I've been nursing. And nursing. Or trying to keep someone from crying, while the other one, well, cries.

Parenting fail.

Not complaining at all here, these are the Crazy, Hazy (not lazy) Newborn days (times two!). I've been here before (without the times two part) so I know how they go. But having two older kids too? Definitely raises the stakes. I'm feeling bad about the lack of sunscreen (and am going to make a point of applying it before kids leave, which I always did back in the easy breezy days of two kiddos).

And once again I say: It's a Good Thing They're Cute.

Also: In spite of how this photo looks, Harry is not a full head taller than Lucy. By the way, the title for the above photo is "Guess Who Likes to Wake Up Right When You Put Him Down To Sleep In The Crib Because He Prefers To Sleep Right On Your Boob."

In other news, I went to the store (Trader Joe's) with all four kids this week for the first time. No, no, silly, I had help. Sheesh! My step mom is visiting from Oregon and served as kid wrangler, food-in-the-cart arranger and general mayhem controller. We make quite a spectacle these days: There's Leo greeting each and every shopper from his perch in the cart ("Hi! Hi! My Mommy had babies! Two babies! Harry and Lucy!"), there's Ellie, coasting alongside with her little cart, and then the babies, in their absurdly long yet practical stroller. There's me, pale faced, frizzy haired and beady eyed from lack of sleep, speaking in a quiet monotone, in an attempt to not lose my cool.

The little trip went better than I expected, actually. Let's see, the store manager gave me congratulatory flowers (we are longtime, frequent customers and she somehow missed the whole pregnancy/news that we were having twins so imagine her shock and amazement to see Leo's two babies). I was also called "Superwoman" by a fellow shopper, somewhere between the chicken breasts and the bacon. Superwoman? Hardly. More like Crazy Woman. Because based on that little outing with all four? Won't be doing that again (alone) for a long time.

In Tiny Personality News, we're getting more info on our guy Harry. I've dubbed him Harry the Hot Mess because poor guy is (still) just a spit-up machine. He literally spits up on the clean outfit you are changing him into (from the doused old outfit). This morning he managed to turn his little head and coat his ear with spit up (while laying on the changing table). He's also a little sweetie who (still) adores a warm bod.

Lucy is opening her eyes and looking around more and more (they both are). She's not quite as mellow as we had pegged her for. But we're still planning on keeping her.