Sweet

I forgot to include this photo in the vacation montage. Taken at the playground of the park of my childhood. They are attempting to slide together. I love it. I love the look on both their faces. The tenderness. Just, sweet.

When All Else Fails, Hair

We interrupt this whine fest for an important update. While on our vacation in Oregon, I discovered the wonderful world of barrettes for my little girl. I know, duh. I just forgot about them. And her hair is not that long yet, but oh the possibilities once it is!



Thanks to my friend Jennifer I also have some adorable little rubber bands which I have played around in creating pig tails. The hair's a bit short and the customer is not very cooperative (the nerve!) but it's doable. More to come on this riveting subject.

All Good Things Must Come to an End

The title of this post is borrowed from one of my dad's favorite expressions. I hate to be depressing but when you think about it, it's really true.

We are back from our vacation in Oregon. We spent several days in Portland, my hometown, and a few more in central Oregon at my family's cabin. Every time I visit, I ask myself the same question. Why don't we live in Portland? Family, so many wonderful friends. A more humane existence. A slower pace.

Logically, I know there are many, many reasons why we are here, for now. But it's still hard.

Here are a few snapshots of our trip. And of all the things I miss about Oregon.



The playground with Grandpa.


Riding a pony for the first time.


Reading with Grandpa.


More reading with Grandpa.


Recovering from jetlag in the Fred Meyer parking lot while Erin shopped for groceries.


Seeing our good friends the Websters. Leo reuniting with his future wife, Lily (seen here, going in for the hug).


The Hawthorne Bridge, on a quintessential rainy Portland day.


Rainbows at Black Butte.


Funny sites in parking lots.


Discovering sprinklers.


Outdoor cafes.


Meeting totem poles with Grandma.

More to come. I am still digesting it all. I hope you can be patient, I feel like I have a dozen posts swirling around in my head. So, yes. More to come.

Frustrated

I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. I love my job. But it is getting harder and harder to leave Ellie. She is just so much fun (OK not all the time, but you know what I mean). And she is changing so quickly. This morning on the phone she said “hi” to Erin. I had to ask her to do it, but still. She is still doing a lot of whining and grunting for her needs and wants but she is also beginning to be able to communicate as well. Yesterday morning I swear she walked into the kitchen, stood by the refrigerator and plain as day, said “Eat” (or as she says, “Eee.”) One of the ladies at daycare said she asked Ellie “are you pretty?” and Ellie nodded yes. I think she gets that you are asking a question from the inflection in your voice.

When I'm at work, I often feel guilty, that I should be home with her and witnessing her every milestone. Helping to be a positive influence on her personality and temperament. Instilling her with all my vast knowledge (ha) rather than paying someone else half my paycheck to do so.

And yesterday when I was at daycare I saw Ellie push another baby. They were standing at the baby gate waiting for food and she just reached out and pushed this little girl. Now I’ve seen this girl push other kids (including Ellie) a lot. She’s pretty aggressive, so she probably had it coming to her. But it made me think about studies I’ve read about kids in daycare being more likely to hit, to pick up on bad behaviors. Ugh. Leo started in daycare when he was 17 months old and from what I can tell, it never had anything but a positive affect on him. But maybe Ellie will be different. She’s such a sweetheart now. I don’t want her hitting. Another ugh.

I know staying home is not all sunshine and smiles and long naps and days filled with enrichment and education. Staying home is the hardest job there is, in my opinion. Frankly I don’t think I have the mental health for it. I do so much better out in the world. I know you can’t have it all, that staying home has its advantages as does working (I won’t even go into the fact that staying home is not a financially viable option for our family anyway).

And of course I have guilt about Leo. I don’t worry about him at all when he’s at his preschool, the “special” school where it’s 95 percent kids with Down syndrome (and 5 percent something with some other cognitive issue). The daycare is great but I know they let Leo get away with things (even though I have told them repeatedly not to and to treat him like all the others). I know it’s important that he gets free play time there (which every four-year-old needs) but I worry that he just gets lost there, left to do his own thing (which very often may be playing with something inappropriately or just doing something he shouldn’t be doing). Yesterday the school had a Tae Kwon Do instructor come in to teach a class to the preschool kids. I had to sign a permission slip and pay $12 and I knew going into it that Leo was probably not going to participate like the other kids. And sure enough, when I spoke to his teacher this morning, she confirmed my suspicions:

“He did a couple of kicks but mostly he just ran around. He had a lot of fun though.”

Fabulous! Maybe I need to lighten up a bit but I guess I just wasn’t thrilled that Leo was allowed to run around while the rest of his peers participated in an organized activity. Who knows what really happened. I wasn’t there and maybe it wasn’t as bad as it sounded. I know I can’t be there every second and even if I was, who is to say I would do a better job? What do I know? When we’re home it’s not exactly all education all the time. I feel like I spend half my time yelling at Leo to stop pushing his sister down.

But I’m still frustrated. But I guess, who isn't?

Edited to add that I'm about to spend nine straight days with my kids, including two cross country flights as we embark on our annual trip to Oregon to see the family. I'm sure I'll be posting here in about nine days about how great it is to be back at work! Life is funny.

13-month old Fashion

I am not super girly girl myself. And when I found out Ellie was going to be a girl I did not rush out and buy a bunch of pink or dresses or pink dresses. But I have to say that I am loving her in skirts. This has surprised me a bit. I am a sucker for a little girl in overalls (maybe it’s genetic--most of the photos I have of me as a toddler feature me in sturdy Osh Kosh B’Gosh overalls and hiking boots. But there were plenty of dresses too).

Now that Ellie is walking she can wear skirts comfortably. I bought this one at Target last week.



It’s a little big. It’s supposed to be a mini skirt but instead Ellie looks a bit, well, Amish in it. Knee length is not the most flattering, but if anyone can pull it off, Ellie can.

A Brother's, Um, Love?

I think this photo says it all. It's one part strangle, one part love. That's pretty much how things have been around the house lately since Ellie started walking full-time.

Leo's specialty of late is standing as close as possible to Ellie and leaning in just a bit until she falls down. And cries.

He also likes to squeeze her (by the way, before you call Child Services on me, Ellie is smiling and giggling in the shot above. She is often amused by Leo.)

And it's not all bad. I'm amazed by Leo's sensitivity to Ellie's needs. The other night she was fussing and dropped her bottle. He got out of his chair and walked over to her, picked the bottle up and put it on her tray. A few minutes later when she began whining because she'd eaten all her food and wanted more, Leo took some of his fish sticks and put them on Ellie's tray.

I'm told the "rough" stuff is perfectly normal sibling behavior. But being a sort of only child (my sister and I are eleven years apart and have different moms), this is all new to me. It's certainly keeping me on my toes.

Leo Time

A few months before Leo was born, Erin brought home an adorable children’s book called Ruby in Her Own Time. We liked it for the title mostly (our “first baby” was our dog, a golden retriever named Ruby.) But it had a sweet message too, about a duck that is smaller than her siblings and takes longer to do everything. The father worries if she will ever catch up, while the mother is quietly confident that she will do everything the rest of the children do, in her own time. Little did we know we were about to get the ultimate lesson in this with the birth of our first child.

I was reminded of this book the other day when I was picking Leo up from daycare. It’s always a bit of a struggle, with the gathering of the bottles and plastic containers from Ellie’s breakfast and lunch and Leo’s backpack and wet clothes from swimming, and the squirming baby who is desperate for me to hold her the second I walk in the door.

As I was doing all of this, I was telling Leo’s caregivers about his upcoming birthday party. I never tire of the “How old are you Leo?” routine (where he holds up his four stubby fingers and says “Fou!” with unabashed enthusiasm and pride). So I asked him this familiar question, yes, wanting to show off a little. But Leo was busy. He was focused on turning the light on in the room near the door where we exit for the car at the end of each day. Leo has a fascination with turning lights on and off. I guess it’s an instant gratification thing. Or cause and effect. Whatever. He just likes to do it, and every day he turns the light on in this room on our way to walking out to the car. But the light switch is a bit high and Leo always takes a bit to manage to turn it on. So as he was trying to turn the light on, I continued to ask him how old he was. Nothing.

I started getting annoyed. It’s fun to show off your kid’s “tricks.” And somehow, when it’s Leo I feel added pressure for him to perform. I don’t want people to think I’m exaggerating his abilities by saying he can do something that he really can’t.

After several attempts by me to get the right answer out, I gave up, and a good minute passed as I started for the door. The next thing I knew, Leo charged towards me, held his round little hand up and yelled, “Fou!”

It's as if he’d been working on that answer the whole time, saving it up. Of course he knew the answer. But first he had to turn on the light. He would just respond when he felt like it, when he was ready and in his own time. He’s done this before. It’s just a good reminder that he will get there--wherever "there" is. When he’s ready.

Trip to New Orleans

So I am finally able to look at all my pictures from our trip to New Orleans, having solved the dead card reader conundrum. I admit I didn't take many pictures, and I was afraid to take any at all, for fear that there truly was something wrong with my camera.

Upon looking at this most recent set, I see that apparently all my children do is eat.

We went to the airport. We ate. We flew. We went to the hotel room and we ate some more. We came home.

Note to self: try to catch kids when they are not eating. I guess it's just easy because they are stationary when they eat. Yeah, that's it.


Waiting while Erin parked the car. Eating.


Lunch time in D.C. Those Dora alphabet flashcards Leo had were great. He was so interested in them.


I love the look on Ellie's face here. She looks...full.


Watching the planes. Leo was in Heaven. Hey, no eating!







We were all shocked when Leo fell asleep during of all things, the take-off. Just conked out.


Ellie however, did not. Here she is standing in the empty seat next to me.


Leo made himself right at home in the hotel room. He literally did a running jump onto the bed.


It was a long day. Pajama time. I fell in love with plantation shutters during this trip (see background). I have always wanted them but this hotel room sealed the deal. Someday.


And meanwhile, Ellie ate.


Another non-eating shot! This was in D.C. on our way home. Ellie made such strides in walking thist trip. Also, I remembered just how much I love the look of little girls in dresses with leggings (this was an accidental outfit--she spilled something on her t-shirt and so I threw the dress on her and she was being so squirmy I just kept the pants on). I can't wait for fall. Leggings and cute little dresses galore.

Can you believe we even went to New Orleans? I promise you we did.

Belatedly, Birthday Pics

I know this is old news now, but I still wanted to post pictures from the birthday party two weeks ago. I have many more, and had wanted to show the yard and how cutely (if I do say so) it was decorated. But there are a lot of people in the pictures who are not my children and I feel weird about posting them without permission.


Here's Leo getting ready to blow out the candles. This is his "proud" expression. He is a true "Leo" through and through. He loves loves loves to be the center of attention.


Check out the expression on his face. He's blowing out the candles, but doesn't it look like he's being terrorized?


Decorating the cupcakes.


We didn't call it a pool party for nothin'!


Later, after the party was over, we opened presents. This is Leo's train set from Grandma and Grandpa. He Adores it. So does Ellie (which Leo is not so happy about). Did I mention it has many many small pieces? That hurt when you step on them?
This pictures cracks me up. They just look like they are working or something. So serious.


Still working. Playing is serious business, apparently.


Did I mention we had a few balloons left over?

Oh Happy Day

Guess who fixed the camera situation? Turns out I had a bad card reader. It was as simple as that. Birthday party photos found and to be posted soon. As well as pictures from our New Orleans trip (I didn't take all that many fearing the camera was truly broken). So it looks like all we did was hang out at the airport, fly there and eat pizza in our hotel room. Above, the hooligans waiting for our plane in DC. Stay tuned for more.

Ellie in Action

Watch out. I just figured out how to post videos so prepare to be tortured. This one is short. I took it about a month ago of Ellie taking her first tentative steps. Don't worry, more to come. By the way, she is walking about twice as fast and sturdy now, compared to what she was doing in this video.

Leo and Ellie in action

I took this the morning after the birthday party. There were balloons everywhere. The house was a bit of a wreck. Hearing myself I feel like I am constantly critical of Leo. Hmm, might need to work on that. I think that I am just concerned because he can sometimes be a little rough with Ellie. It's interesting to hear the differet tones you use with different people.
Anyway, here you go.

When You're a Celebrity

I think I know what it’s like to be famous. Or at least to be related to a famous person. While we were away this past week, I cannot tell you how many people approached Leo. At the airport. In the French Quarter. At restaurants. Literally every where we went, people would just come up to us. To him.

They would ask “And what’s your name?”

“And how old are you?”

(It doesn’t hurt that he can now, adorably, hold up the appropriate number of fingers in response to that question—it seems to make everyone melt). And it also doesn’t hurt that Leo is ridiculously friendly, right back at everyone who shows even the slightest interest in him (and even to those who don't). He wants to hug everyone (I know, I know, not supposed to really allow this). And it’s “hi” to all, without question.

Seeing Leo so open to the world, so innocent and pure (at least to total strangers-bedtime is another story) I think about that annoying song from “The Sound of Music”—“How do you solve a problem like Maria? How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?”

How do you teach someone to be unfriendly? To be suspicious? Or at the very least, more reserved, when so many people want to meet you? I know we have to be protective of Leo, to shield him, but how do you quell that openness? And must we? Completely? And I wonder what it is about him that draws people. Is is the Down syndrome? Do the people who feel the need to make contact with him have some connection to DS? Or are they just curious? Honestly I don't get it. It's not like he's such an anomaly. A young woman at the hotel pool rushed over to Leo and me and said “I have a nephew just like you!” I wondered, with DS? The conversation didn’t get much past “How old are you?” Leo: “Four!” So I never found out. But I am not exaggerating when I say people are not able to keep their hands off of him.

We are walking the line now, trying to preserve Leo’s sweet personality, with a healthy dose of respect. We try to get him to give strangers “five” or to shake hands, but too often Leo moves too quickly and before we know it he has gone in for The Hug. And then there is the hand kissing. He is a sucker for a pretty girl (truly!). They almost always get a peck on the hand.

Too bad People magazine doesn’t want to publish photos of Leo on its cover. That would really help with my student loans.

Back. And Oh, the Back.

We flew to New Orleans unexpectedly Wednesday morning. Erin’s grandfather died Tuesday. He had been ill with cancer so it did not come as a huge shock. The past five days have been a whirlwind of Erin’s huge Southern family, hotel room sleep travails, boiled seafood (I ate Chinese), epic humidity and the joys of airline travel with the youngins.

I admit, if one has to attend a funeral, New Orleans is not a bad city to have to do it in.

We stayed here. And I felt a little bit like a rock star. Except that most of the time I was in the hotel lobby with all the Cool People, I was pushing a double stroller. And a not cool stroller at that. Don’t be too impressed. We went with the cheapest airfare/hotel/car deal we could get and this is the hotel we got. We were more than slightly relieved with our choice when we awoke the next morning to find out there had been a fire in the hotel where we had almost stayed. Just don't ask me about the amount of Bliss toiletries I made out with. And they replenished them every day. Heaven.

The flight there was fine. As I said, we were being cheap (we are ten days away from visiting my family in Oregon, the only trip we had actually budgeted for this summer. Gulp.) Yes, the Cheapo family took what would be a three-hour flight and made it over five! With a connection! The layovers ended up being fortunate, as they allowed us to eat and the kids to stretch. Because did I mention Ellie is now really and truly walking? Too bad my card reader is still acting up. I got some pretty great shots of her stomping around the hotel room. And some great ones of Leo and Ellie at the airport, watching the planes.

The flight back may have scarred me for life. The fact that I have to get on an airplane in 11 ¼ days (but who’s counting?) is all but unbelievable to me. Here’s hoping it will be like childbirth. I will simply forget how awful it can be. I really am looking forward to seeing my family and having them see the kids (it’s been since the holidays and both Leo and Ellie have made such leaps since then). This time, I’m trying to focus on the destination, rather than the journey.

But back to the flying and the scarring. In two words: my back. Friday afternoon I was hurriedly changing Ellie’s diaper on Erin’s mom’s bed. I am usually extremely careful with how I do everything as I have a chronic back problem (tracing back to my days as a mediocre member of my college crew team--and I don’t think two c-sections have done me any good either). The ever-mobile Ellie-Belle took off crawling towards the edge of the bed. I reached for her in a panic and … snap. I felt that familiar, awful tug. The shooting pain that meant I would spend the next five days in near constant pain and walking crooked like a 90-year old.

I iced it immediately, as I always do. And began downing ibuprofen. And it ended up not being as bad as I expected. But that was before I had to hold an exhausted-hadn’t-napped all-morning-up-at-4am-teething baby. I sat down in the seat on the first flight home and my back immediately seized up. It was only slightly tolerable if I sat a certain way. And if Ellie or I dropped anything (like, say, a pacifier, or a bottle of juice that was inexplicably entertaining her), I couldn’t even reach down to pick it up. I am not a terribly religious person, but I prayed a bit throughout that whole flight.

And I won’t even talk about the fact that Leo was in hysterics for most of that same flight since they had to separate us four (no babies in laps in bulkhead seats).

Needless to say, we made it home. And we have learned a few things about traveling with two kids (this was the first time we all flew together). Less carry-on stuff. Download that program actually needed to watch DVDs. And don’t forget the Percocet.

And here’s a newsflash for me: traveling is hard on kids. Yeah it’s hard with babies because of all the Stuff. But on this trip, I saw through Leo’s eyes, just how difficult it is for the slightly older set. Sure the plane was fun, and it was great that our hotel had a gorgeous pool, and he got to watch way more “Dora the Explorer” than he’s allowed to at home, and he got to sleep with Mama, but … he missed his dog. He talked about her at least a few times a day. He would say her name with a worried expression, as if he wondered what had happened to her. And he kept making the sign for home. And when we were waiting for our rental car one morning, he saw a silver Toyota Sienna and burst into tears when he realized we would not be driving away in it. That is, after all, his car.

The stress of traveling aside, it was great that we were able to all go down for the funeral. Erin’s grandmother got to meet Ellie for the first time. The whole time we were there, all she kept saying was, “she’s so precious. So precious.” She is 84 and does not travel. She doesn’t really even leave the house. But oh how she loves babies. Especially little girl babies.

But it’s so good to be home. At least for 11 ¼ days