Growl

I know Leo is just being an older brother. I should be happy, thrilled even, that he appears to be smart enough to be menacing. I do think it shows true intelligence to figure out that A) one’s behavior has an affect on people or a person (in this case Ellie) and to B) carry out a plan of “attack.” I love the guy but he can be sneaky and conniving. Brilliant, actually.

Back to the “growl.” Slowly Leo has begun to realize he can “growl” at his sister and terrify the pants off of her. He roars, growls really, close to her and in her face often, and her tiny little body jumps, then comes the terrified scamper towards Mommy or Mama and the pleas for “Uppy! Uppy! Uppy.”

I know this is normal sibling stuff (or so I’m told as I have no point of reference) but it’s upsetting. It’s upsetting to see Ellie so scared and it’s upsetting that my pleas to Leo to stop go completely and utterly unheard. Time-outs? He whines and then laughs at me as he’s freed.

When I’m alone with the two of them, Leo often (to be, fair not always) does not listen to me at all. It’s obvious he’s very jealous of Ellie and who can blame him? It’s his job to be jealous of her and annoyed by her, she’s the little sister, he’s the big brother. It’s just hard, because no matter what I say or do (time-out, “treat” restriction), Leo doesn’t seem to mind at all. He keeps on growling. And Ellie keeps on reacting (she’s the perfect victim, by the way).

Not to say that Leo is pure evil and Ellie is pure innocence. She can certainly hold her own in the Annoying Little Sister Department. But still.

I just keep telling myself, it’s a phase. It’s a phase.

Last night after Erin came home from work (she had to work late) I stood at the sink washing dishes for the morning lunches and I recalled to her the particularly bad night.

Everyone was tired (including me, did I mention I have strep throat? Gah!). Leo was not at his finest and frankly, neither was I. He figured out that in addition to growling at Ellie he could also swipe the paci out of her mouth (a move that features the added bonus of sort of hitting her but also upsetting her by dislodging beloved paci). Then there was the coup de grace: as I was trying to wrangle two squirming bodies from potty time to the bath tub, Leo managed to find the plunger and toilet scrubby behind the commode and attempted a nice jab in the face with the aforementioned tools, at his sister.

“I just wish Ellie was better at defending herself,” I said to Erin. “It’s our job to make sure she feels safe in her own home. Not to mention I hate that I feel like all I do lately is yell at Leo.”

“Cheer up,” Erin said. “Pretty soon Ellie’s going to be bigger and smarter than Leo and you won’t have to worry about her so much.”

It’s sad to say, but I think it’s true. And it kind of breaks my heart.

But I it’s more than that. Erin and I talked about it a little again this morning. With Ellie’s burgeoning maturity and understanding, she’s soon going to understand Leo more and why he behaves the way he does (at least that’s my hope). She’s also going to have to learn patience and tolerance. My hunch is she might understand Leo better than any of us do..

Hands down, Leo adores Ellie. Ask him who his favorite person is and every time the answer is the same: “Ellie.” And we did not plant this answer in his head, he came up with it himself. The funny thing is, when Leo tries to show Ellie affection, be it through a hug or a kiss, she beats the door down to get away. And so in classic “if he likes you he’ll pick on you fashion,” Leo chooses to growl to get Ellie’s attention. It might not be the attention Ellie wants, but there you go.

So maybe I just need to be more patient with the growling.

Easier said than done.

A kinder, sweeter, non-growling moment. They do exist.