To Be Filed Under I Should be Blogging More With All This Time: Catch Up Edition

I have a lot of time on my hands. Pretty soon there will be no time. I should be blogging more. I'm settling into this staying home thing. I'm making real dinners (nothing crazy, I promise) and homemade strawberry shortcake (a huge hit, at least, the whipped cream was). It's funny, the little things that decrease one's stress. It's such a relief to know that I can just leave dinner dishes in the sink and realize I can wash them, at my leisure, in the morning. Or in the afternoon! Or whenever!

As thrilling as all that domestic talk is, I guess I don't have all that much to say. I haven't been writing because, well, does anyone want to hear me whine about feeling exhausted, not sleeping, being suddenly very puffy and itchy? The good news is, I successfully got my rings off, with a little help from Erin, baker's spray and olive oil. I waited too long and it hurt and not to be dramatic but it would liken it to a teeny, tiny reminder of the fun of childbirth.

You may also be interested to know that you can watch "Thirtysomething" on Netflix's instantly streaming shows. I have grand plans for most days but have found that one errand in the morning (the grocery or the doctor) pretty much does me in. So, "Thirtysomething" on Netflix it is.

As long as I'm sitting on the couch, I feel great! Albeit, a little sleepy.

32 weeks, six days, today.

I had a doctor's appointment today. Baby B is sitting on Baby A's head, but I imagine they are pretty used to that kind of infringement. Do twins grow up to be more tolerant people, I wonder? In other news, they both have hair! And are estimated at 5.5 and 5.8 pounds. I'm told this is large for this point in the pregnancy, but I hope they have plenty of time to get bigger. I've never had a baby under eight pounds and anything smaller scares me. Oh, my doctor also told me today that I was "born to grow twins." So, maybe I have a new career direction?

In other big news, Ruby (our dog) got a haircut. Note the pink bows (yes we like to humiliate our dog). Please, however, ignore the recycling in the background. This photo was taken in the mudroom which Erin just painted. I am in love with the color, which is the same color we've decided to paint the babies' room. Hmm, do you think Leo loves his dog?

Ellie had her ballet recital last weekend. It was adorable as expected. Not that we're biased.




I was good! I only cried a little.

The other morning Leo woke up a little early before school, early enough to have time to draw. He's into houses right now. He drew the above and I was quite impressed to note that he'd included, without instruction or direction, his address. I have no idea if he just noticed this himself or if he's learning it at school. Either way, I'm proud. By the way, he's sticking his tongue out here, on purpose. Only because I told him not to.

Fairy Wings and French Toast, Anniversaries and New Chapters

What, you don't wear fairy wings while eating breakfast? Well you are missing out!

This morning dawned early in our house (as usual). Erin had suggested we get up early to watch The Wedding (as if I need to link to it, cause you might not know which wedding I was referring to). My response was, if I'm up, I'll watch it. I'm all for the enormity of the event (and William and Kate happened to have picked a pretty special date in our family too, seeing as ten years ago today, Erin and I also exchanged vows, though ours were decidedly less publicized). I'm a romantic, but sleep is precious these days. Interrupting it = Danger. But wouldn't you know it, I was up. I mean, what are the odds? (Um, darn good, actually.)

We told Ellie a few days ago there was to be a wedding with a real princess (OK, duchess, whatever). She appeared mildly interested, at the idea. But this morning, at 6 a.m. when she stumbled in, squinty eyed and ruffled hair, it only took her about three minutes to demand a "kid show." This real princess business just wasn't cutting it.

In other today in history news, I won't be back to work for a while. It feels surreal. I am seriously switching gears and I'll admit it. I'm a little scared. Excited, but scared. But I know that it's time. The few days I've had off in the last few months, I've noticed a change in my energy level and mood, as well as my patience quota (which these days is key). And I'm not going to lie. Being able to take an afternoon nap if I need it is not going to hurt my cause. I went to the doctor yesterday and at 32 weeks, I'm measuring full-term. Whoa.

Also, I need to make sense of this:*

And no, it's not a screen shot from a new episode of "Baby Hoarders," it's the future nursery (and believe me, this is the forgiving, flattering, you don't look fat in this at all angle).

*Notice the baby doll in the bouncy chair on the left? That's Ellie's doing. She is absolutely LOVING all this new "real" baby paraphernalia.

Mystic

I didn't take that many pictures. We were very busy.

At the aquarium.

Of course, they wouldn't pose together. Ellie is seen here giving her "I'm so shy" look (that's a new phrase she's been saying and it's about the biggest lie I've ever heard. This child is SO not shy.)

This guy was totally "talking" to us. It was pretty amazing. And I love how belugas look like they're smiling.

It's so weird to think that technically there are five people in this picture. And I look so swollen here there are practically five and a half people.

Time

I think that I need to back away from the twins books.

Unless of course, I want to burst into tears or hyperventilate. But you know what’s funny? What’s getting me is not the idea of nursing two or not sleeping (because it won’t be that different from now, actually!), or changing twenty diapers a day. It’s how it’s going to affect the kids that are already here. The big kids. Leo and Ellie. My babies.

Everyone I’ve heard from with big families (really, who has four kids these days?) has nothing but good things to say. There’s always someone to play with! We were our own little gang! With four kids, someone is bound to like someone, right? And the opposite of course, but I won’t think about THAT right now.

Still, I can’t shake the anxiety that I’ll be spread too thin, that Leo and Ellie, who are so accustomed to the spotlight, will feel resentful and hurt, when they have to share. It is what it is, and I know all of this is normal. It would be weird if I wasn’t thinking about all of this. I guess reading about “older siblings” in a twins book last night (big mistake) just kind of did me in and made me want take to my bed with a glass of merlot (don’t worry, I didn’t). I remember feeling this way when I was pregnant with Ellie too. I would look at toddler Leo and my burgeoning belly and think What Have We Done?

Probably the one thing I'm not worried about is the love. Before Ellie, when it was just Leo, I worried and wondered, how can I love someone as much I love Leo, my first baby? Now I know better. The capacity for love? It's boundless, truly. I guess that's the saving grace (well, one of them) in this crazy life.

***

Switching gears: This weekend was a babymoon of sorts. We took what was likely one of our last trips as a family of four (gulp) up to our beloved Mystic. On the way, we also met up with old friends who bestowed on us a minivan full of twin hand-me-downs. After unloading the van Sunday night, the future nursery looks like Babies R’ Us after a hurricane. I have a lot of organizing to do but seriously, I can’t thank Amy and Elizabeth enough for their generosity.

The trip to Mystic was whirlwind.

More pictures to come, but I will say that we swam in the hotel pool (Ellie’s favorite, hands down). Actually, I’m not sure what she was more excited about, the pool or her new bikini, courtesy of Grandma Jerry. It’s replaced the ballerina dresses in terms of the amount it’s taken off and put back on, just BECAUSE.

We visited with everyone’s favorite, the baby beluga (not really a baby, but no matter). We even got this book from the aquarium gift shop. Ellie made me sing it to her before bed on Sunday night and I panted all the way through).

This is my last week of work for a while. I know. I am in state of shock. Life is about to change in ways large and small. This week is a week of “lasts.” The last time I will attend a staff meeting, eat a burrito in the company cafeteria (not sure which is more momentous), sign off on a proof.

I’m ready though. I’m feeling a little unsteady on my feet as I navigate the crowded, increasingly warm streets of Manhattan (today is flip flop weather though, thank goodness, and while we’re on the subject, I waited a leetle too long and now can’t get my rings off my sausage fingers. Oy.). The nightly commute home gets more and more challenging.

And there are two little people who need more of my undivided attention.*


*(And yes, that is a two-foot tall chocolate Easter bunny.)

Punk Rock Penguins, Palaces and Out of Breath (Still)

Hello!

I hope no one out there is losing faith in me. I’m still here. We’re still here. So, the goings on, in no particular order:

Leo’s been busy exploring a new medium.

(That’s paper mache/feather/Elmer’s glue top baby penguin, for the uninitiated). This might be the best art project he’s ever done (sculpture-wise, anyway). Not that I’m biased, of course.

Erin wisely bought Ellie this, which Ellie immediately dubbed her “Palace.”

I don't think "she loves it" begins to cover her feelings for it. This photo doesn’t really do it justice but, she does look quite pleased with herself, I think you’ll agree. Kids are really hard sometimes, but also? Incredibly easy to please.

It doesn’t always lead to this, but I will say that the closer she gets to turning four, the more, dare I say reasonable (afraid to even write this down, trust me!) she becomes.

And it couldn’t have happened sooner, because believe me when I say by 8:45 p.m., I am just DONE. Also, I will never tire of photographing my children when they're sleeping. I don't know why, there's just something about it.

Don't get me wrong. She's still a challenging one. Nearly everything is a Discussion. Her latest thing is to tell me that I've "hurt her feelings." This is commonly said when I do something like, oh I don't know, deny her M&Ms.

One of the things I love about living with little ones is the little “scenes” I find, around the house.

Like this one.

We seem to have FINALLY turned the corner on Leo's insistence on calling everyone "Poopyhead." Yeah, that was charming. He's suddenly calling us all "Rudolph" now. Which, who knows? But you know what? I'll take it.

In babies news, we’ve moved just past the thirty week mark, in which something definitely clicked. I went from “Pregnant? who's pregnant?, this aint no thing” to OMG there is a big difference between having one and two in there. I suddenly feel like I’m 90 years old and out of breath just walking across the room. Don’t even talk to me about walking up stairs. The other day I had to go to an unfamiliar store in the mall and I actually called ahead to find out where to park (because inevitably, don’t we always park at the opposite end of the mall?). But, really? I mean, it was kind of embarrassing.

On Sunday I was hanging curtains and the room started to spin and everything in my line of sight got very faint and well, let's just say I took to the couch for as much of the day as I could, after that little episode. Onlookers are divided into two camps. There are those who say: Twins? But you're tiny! I can't believe there are two babies in there! [uh, no kidding, me either, still!] Strangely enough, others are starting to give me that "You're Due Any Day Look." Sometimes I just nod and shrug, sometimes I say, well, actually, not until June. Just to see the look of horror in their deer-in-headlight/should I be boiling water? eyes.

As the belly gets bigger, Leo becomes more and more focused on it. Several times a day he throws his arms around the ever expanding (and impossible to ignore) belly and says “I love you babies.”

Leo, in one of his favorite perches, alongside The Belly. Stretch marks? What stretch marks?
And yes, it melts me every time, even when he tries to stick his finger in my (basically now non-existent) belly button.

I have two more weeks of work and I am quietly freaking out. I’m excited to be home, but also, slightly terrified. No matter how many times I do this, I seem to forget that pregnancy moves from glacial (don’t worry! We have tons of time!) to, well, babies!

On Night Nurses and Cravings

In case anyone was wondering, I don’t recommend a third trimester cold. Yes, I finally succumbed to some of the hooligans’ microbes. I’m fairly miserable. Adding to the fact is the joy of nightly insomnia. Even without the cold, I have been waking up between 2-4 a.m. every night. I wish I could say I was doing something productive (my friend Lisa said she used this time in her twin pregnancy to organize. Why can’t I be equally motivated/productive?).

I will say that Leo makes an excellent middle of the night nurse (I hope he’s this helpful when the babies come). At 2 a.m. when I woke up hacking and sneezing Leo was of course in our bed (he makes his way into our room most nights between 1 and 3 a.m.). Leo patted me on the back and held his palm to my forehead dramatically, whispering, “Fever, Mommy?” He asked to take my temperature too, but I assured him I was fine. Wordlessly and without being asked to do so, he padded into the bathroom and returned with a package of baby wipes (which we often use to wipe the kids chaffed noses). He offered them to me with a furrowed brow. When I finally lay back down and attempted to go back to sleep he pulled me close and threw his little arms around my neck, his round, warm hand rubbing my cheek. His compassion astounds me. Leo, the nurse.

This morning, sleep deprived and congested, I looked long and hard in the oven for a cup for Leo’s orange juice (thinking I was peering into the dishwasher). I then came very close to pouring orange juice into Leo’s yet to be made scrambled eggs.

Fifteen minutes later, Leo accidentally overturned his mostly-eaten plate of scrambled eggs onto the carpet. Oh but never fear, there was plenty of leftover ketchup to go on that carpet! I whipped around to clean it and managed to knock over my coffee cup, which happened to be a favorite mug, shattered. Sniff.

I am not someone who should probably be trusted with heavy machinery or small children.

Thank goodness for this. I like to think it’s clearing my head. Perking me up?

(Though I buy the Target “Up and Up” brand because I’m thrifty like that).

This is amazing too. It’s practically intoxicating. And I don't feel as guilty using it since it's all crunchy and natural. Erin thinks I’ve lost it. She comes into the bathroom after I’ve showered and calls me her “Little cough drop.”

I confess to having craved eucalyptus even before the cold but now? It’s the perfect antidote. I literally go in to the bathroom just for a whiff of it. A hit. Straight from the bottle. I’m an addict. Anchovies, pickles and ice cream, pepperoni pizza? Nope. Eucalyptus. Weirdest pregnancy craving ever, right?

At least it’s Friday.

Breathing is Not Optional. Neither is Dance.

Recently it’s become hard to breathe. Don’t be alarmed, apparently this is perfectly normal when you’re, you know, growing two humans.

28 weeks

I’m not sure if it’s how “they” are sitting or if it’s just a matter of squashed organs (mine). It’s just a tad demoralizing to be out of breath while sitting at a desk. Bending over to pick up anything (toys, keys, the odd Pillow Pet) has become highly unpleasant. And let’s just say I’ve become quite selective about what really needs to not be on the floor (ah, the slippery slope of lower standards).

Add to this the fact that suddenly I seem to drop everything (or maybe I’ve always been this clumsy and I’m just now noticing it?).

But you know what’s funny? I know myself well enough to know that someday, I am going to miss this.

In other, lighter news, no one is probably shocked to learn that the dance class Ellie started about a month ago is a big hit.

Saturday mornings, she sets a weekly world record in how-fast-can-a-little-girl-put-tights-on. That’s how excited she is.

It's a joy to see.