Huge, Big, Massive, Scary (and Also Potentially Good) Changes and Did I Mention I'm Not Good With Change?

I've had a post percolating in my head since Monday when I took the tour of Leo's prospective new school for next year.

His class would be a self contained kindergarten with six students, one teacher and three aides. The class joins the typical kindergarteners for gym, music, library and lunch. Depending on the student's strengths in certain subjects (i.e., math, reading) they may also pull students out to join typical peers in these subjects.

I left the visit on a high. It's a precious school nestled on a quiet, tree lined street about two miles from our house. It would be the first "real school" Leo has ever attended. Up to this point he did center-based E.I. at a well, center. His current school is housed in a church.

We passed the cafeteria where I spotted the hair netted lunch ladies when we first walked in and I swear, one whiff and I was in first grade again, wishing my parents would let me have a corn dog.

But I digress.

In addition to the good smelling food, the school has two gyms (one is sparkling brand new), a large library, and a dedicated music room. The bulletin boards were cluttered with fish and stories and busy borders and the halls buzzed (as most schools do) with noise and life and whiggling children.

I went to the school prepared to "write it off," figuring our district just wanted to save money by showing us this program (Leo presently attends school out of district but it's paid for by them, to the tune of about 35K).

Instead, I fell just a little bit in love. It felt right. Leo has the chance to really shine there but he still has the cushion of a place that will give him the extra help he unquestionably needs.

Then I attend the IEP/placement meeting and it all came crashing down.

OK I am being slightly dramatic. Basically his current teacher and principal don't think he's ready to leave. They want him to do one more year with them and then talk about moving into district. I believe they sincerely have his best interests in mind, but did I also mention that they are losing roughly half of their population next year through a combination of graduations and districts insisting on bringing kids back into district? (Note: our district is definitely NOT insisting. They have left the decision completely up to us and would let him remain where he is in a heartbeat so I don't believe there are any ulterior motives there.)

The principal's reaction, seeing my hesitation based on her and the teacher's reaction: "We're just like you. He's your baby but he's also our baby."

A bit of background on Leo's current school: It's a private school paid for by most public school districts (students come from far and wide, some facing one-hour plus bus rides), something like 99 percent of the children have Down syndrome. There are roughly 25 children in the school which is comprised of two preschool classes (ages3-5) and two primary classes (ages 5-approximately nine, though most students leave by about age seven). Leo has been in the preschool class since he was three and the original plan was that he would move to the primary class and spend one more year at that school.

But the evaluators think Leo is ready for kindergarten. His prospective teacher who we met when touring the school thinks he's a perfect fit (by the way this same prospective teacher received rave reviews by an acquaintance who's daughter was in her class). So what's my problem?

I think I'd feel a little less afraid if I knew Leo had the option of going back to his old school if for some reason the new one doesn't work out. But since so many kids are leaving they've had to lay some teachers off and have only one primary class (where Leo would go) and if Leo gives up his spot, that's it.

So I feel like we're out there dangling a little, taking a risk.

Change is scary, but I know, it is sometimes necessary and often good. And it is also a huge part of parenting. Kids move on, kids progress. It's a good thing. I think I just wish his current teacher was a little more excited about this. But I have to wonder how much of it is political and also a bit over-protective. I adore Leo's school but I also get a strong feeling that they are big fans of "Birds of a Feather..." if you know what I mean. And also? They kept saying how "their kids" do better when they spend that extra year there (transitioning between preschool and kindergarten). But who's to say Leo won't be the exception? If we've learned anything since Leo arrived it's that he surprises us almost daily, and does things when he's ready to do them. And my gut says he's ready, even though I am yes, terrified.

Oh and as if all this wasn't enough, we're moving the kids into a new daycare/aftercare. It's significantly less expensive and much closer. Thankfully it's not happening until August because if it were any sooner I think my head just might explode.