Transcending

Us? Oh, you know. Just hanging outside. Having picnics. IN FEBRUARY.

So strange. Not complaining!

Harry seems a little concerned.

Inside, and outside, I'm relishing the growing frequency of what I like to call "moments of transcendence," in which for a brief, gorgeous moment, everyone is happy, dry, playing, doesn't need anything, doesn't want anything, just is.

Of course, it's brief and quickly goes to hell in a hand basket when Lucy has a blowout or Harry is suddenly hungry RIGHTNOW or Leo gets grouchy because he doesn't want to watch "that show" or Ellie is inconsolable because Leo won't answer her. But as I've said before, when it's good, it's very, very good.

This afternoon when we came home from Leo and Ellie's swim class, all six of us ended up in the play room in the basement. This is a rare occurrence since logistically it's just complicated. But now that the babies are getting sturdier and more interested in their surroundings I can see us spending more time down there (it looks like a daycare center exploded: way too many toys, bright colors, essentially baby heaven).

Back to today: There was this brief moment where I scanned the room and realized everyone was there (I swear I constantly hear a baby crying in the distance, even if both my babies are right in front of me and decidedly not crying). And happy. And didn't need something. With twins, in addition to feeling like I'm constantly expecting everything to fall apart into utter chaos, I feel like I've also been conditioned to be constantly thinking ahead. Anticipating. That's parenting in general but with two infants and two older ones, even more so. This is pretty much my constant interior monologue: Does Harry need to nurse? Do I need to get a bottle for Lucy if that's the case? Has Harry been in the saucer too long and is he about to cry and need to be held? Do I need to quickly get Lucy to a new spot so she doesn't grow annoyed that she's being ignored? And oh look! Leo wants a snack. And now Ellie does too. And of course the dog is barking to get let out. And then let back in.

You get the picture.

But these little windows of calm. The moments that help you transcend the constant need need need and plain old hard physical labor of keeping four little people going, well, those moments are sweet.

And very much appreciated.