Oh sure, he had his moments of pleasure. He jumped up and down with anticipation of the approaching hayride. He smiled and cuddled on the hayride and hugged the woman who helped people down the stairs off the truck (oops). He was happy to pick apples for a while. But something was just off. He was more stubborn than usual. He didn't want to hold hands in the parking lot. He didn't want to stay on the path (you know, away from the oncoming tractors). There was much scowling about, well, pretty much everything. In short, he was just a big grump.
But wait, aren't people, especially children with Down syndrome, such "happy little beings?" That's what the geneticists at the hospital promised us the day that Leo's official karyotype came back. Hey! I want my money back, because Leo can be a downright crab.
A happy moment, but notice how he's trying to get away from me taking his picture?
It all seemed to go downhill when, on the way to the farm we had the nerve to drive past one of his favorite places, Barnes & Noble. Thus began the chant for "bookstore! bookstore!" When I explained to him that we were going to a place with hayrides! and apples! and pumpkins! He wanted none of it. He became completely focused on the bookstore and the cruelty of how we were making him go to the farm instead. And did I mention he even had his Grandma Jerry with him too?
By the time we reached the farm, a good thirty minute scenic drive through winding roads of northwestern New Jersey farm country, he was in a slightly better mood, and thankfully the bookstore seemed to have receded from his mind. But like I said, he just wasn't himself. Everything felt harder than it needed to be. Granted, that is not unusual, but today was just different.
I feel badly for Leo. As I've said before, I think much of his frustrations stem from communication issues. Then again, we knew exactly what he wanted today: the bookstore. It just wasn't in the cards. Whereas other kids get mad about not getting their way and tantrum about it, Leo seems to just hold onto it, completely unable to listen to reason. He knows what he wants and he wants it now and god help anyone who stands in his way. Transitions can be really rough.
In this case, he wanted to go to the bookstore and just was not able to shift his thinking towards the farm. But he's six years old! a not so patient little voice in me says. He shouldn't be acting this way anymore. Of course this isn't fair to Leo because sure, he's technically six, but he's not really six, in terms of his maturity level. And also? I think today Leo was just tired. He kept sitting down, like, in the middle of the path near the apple orchard. This is just not like him. But whereas another child might say "Mommy, I'm tired!" Leo just takes his frustration out on everyone else around him.
Or maybe I'm just too hard on him. I know that I can be. I'll be the first to admit I get frustrated and honestly? A little depressed by days like today. Why can't he just have fun? Roll with the punches? Why can't he listen, when asked not to run into the road. Why does everything just have to be harder? It's the DOWN SYNDROME, a little (OK, big) voice in me booms. If it weren't for the Down syndrome... Days like today leave me feeling exhausted and spent from being a wound-up ball of nerves because every. little. thing. is met with a "NO!"
I know blaming the Down syndrome is seriously unproductive. What does it accomplish? Or, sure, I could throw myself a big old pity party, but why? What's the point? So some of his behavior is related to the Down syndrome. What else is new? Not to stereotype but I think most of us in the "club" can agree: we've got some seriously stubborn people on our hands.
Of course it all evens out in the end, because as I've said here before ad nauseum, Leo is one of the most empathetic, nurturing, thoughtful people I know. He can be witty and funny and smart and affectionate. Nobody else was hugging the farm employees except Leo (and we do try to reign in the hugging but believe me he is fast).
It is what it is. But it doesn't keep me from wanting to have a little tantrum myself sometimes.
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